Guest guest Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Hi , Jon and I did couples counselling with a therapist who is experienced in working with those on the Autistic spectrum, and it was really very helpful - it really opened up the channels of communication and understanding between us. I had given up trying to communicate my personal angst with Jon because we were going in cycles of pain, and the relationship was just getting worse and worse. I needed to learn how to communicate with him in a better way, so as not to overload him, and also to work with him as a team in problem solving. He also learned one heck of a lot, like that I have an entire emotional life that he was previously oblivious to. And that I am not unusually emotional, I am quite normal. He also had to accept that there were some things that he really couldn't understand, because it's so different to his own world view. Don't forget, the best is yet to come - you're already stronger. If this relationship is not too damaged, it can recover - we nearly divorced and pulled it back together to be better than ever, but we were both willing to put everything into it, on the understanding that if Everything didn't work, we would split, as it was just too painful to keep going through the cycles. And if this relationship isn't strong enough to make it, at least you know what to do in the future. Good luck on your journey of self realisation. It's awesome that you are so motivated to research and explore your newly found self. Take Care, b > > > ** > > > > > > .**** > > > > So pleased that you are having some practical outcomes from your pursuit > > for diagnosis. Along with everyone on this List, I'm sure, I can wish > > you all the very best. You have some difficult jobs ahead to do the > > necessary repair work.**** > > > > ** ** > > > > Just one thing that interested me in your report,... you say that the > > `happiest part of my life would be coming to an end.' Now does that mean > > that you were not in any sort of dire distress up till now, and were > > somewhat oblivious of the pains of your partner? Was it perhaps > > something of what they used to term a `fool's paradise?' was your > > partner's non-communication giving you the impression that all was fine?** > > ** > > > > ** ** > > > > Again, all the very best. Keep in mind that there are certainly some > > among us here who did manage to turn their lives around and have > > relationship success. You can be the next one.**** > > > > ** ** > > > > Cheers, **** > > > > Ron.**** > > > > ** ** > > > > *From:* aspires-relationships [mailto: > > aspires-relationships ] *On Behalf Of * > > *Sent:* Thursday, 2 August 2012 5:11 PM > > *To:* Aspires Listserve > > *Subject:* I think my diagnosis just saved my > > relationship**** > > > > ** ** > > > > **** > > > > Yesterday my psychiatrist confirmed my therapist's diagnosis of > > Asperger's. She also added a diagnosis of ADHD. Again, this makes sense in > > hindsight, but totally blew my mind at the time. I thought surely I'd had > > my allotment of paradigm shifting revelations. But I was wrong. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > Tonight my partner told me that for the past few months, she'd been > > considering what she needed to do to live the best life she could, and that > > it could involve leaving me. She has a long list of things that were broken > > in our relationship, as she saw it. Turns out every item so far was, or was > > caused by, being autistic or ADHD. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > My diagnosis came down right in the middle of this. This ramped the stress > > up even more for her and made things worse. I knew she was having > > difficulty with my diagnosis, but I didn't understand her bad reaction and > > distant behavior because she had been keeping all this to herself. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > So I gave her space while I read up on autism, trying to understand how I > > work. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > Tonight she told me things that had to change for the relationship to > > continue. If I hadn't gotten my diagnosis just over a month ago, if I > > hadn't read so many books on how to deal with it and learn and cope, this > > would have been the death knell of our relationship of 9 years. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > Instead, I was able to deal with the situation. I was able to ask for the > > breaks I needed so I didn't get overly stressed and go mute. I took notes > > so my memory issues wouldn't mess everything up. Using everything I read, I > > was able to slowly, painfully, translate her needs and concerns into > > aspie-friendly language I understood, and clear steps I can take to meet > > them. All of her points were valid. Some of them, I had already started > > working on. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > If I hadn't gotten this diagnosis, if I hadn't had a month of reading and > > therapy and insight, the happiest part of my life would be coming to an > > end. Instead, we're fixing it together. I cannot express how thankful I am > > to Fate, the Universe, or whatever powers that be. And to think the > > diagnosis started with what I thought was a goofy online quiz. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > I know it's going to be hard work, but I think we can do it. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > Now I'm just tired and emotionally wrung out. I just had to share this > > with someone before passing out. **** > > > > ** ** > > > > Thanks, **** > > > > **** > > > > **** > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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