Something to think about...

[Guest guest]

I had a terrifying experience this morning that I would like to share,

one that hopefully will give others pause about sharing personal contact

information with members of online support groups. I've only done this

once, but after my experience this morning, rest assured that I will

never be doing again.

Having been very busy lately, I have not been very active in my various

online groups. It seems that a few people found this departure from my

usual habits alarming, especially since they are aware of my dire

financial situation and the stressful impact it is having on my life.

So, to put themselves at ease that I have not wandered off to hurt

myself, they decided to check on my well-being using the only contact

information they had -- my phone number. So they tried to call to check

on me, and when I did not answer (because I was asleep and had my phone

turned off) they left a message.

If that was the end of the story, no harm no foul. However, they chose

to take an additional step without considering the ramifications of

their actions.

Using my area code as a starting point, the support group member

contacted the police department in my county, who then contacted the

police department in my town. Apparently the support group member

raised enough alarm that I might harm myself, that the police decided

that they needed to act.

So, while I was sleeping peacefully away, five police cars (and one fire

engine) descended on my home this morning to save me from

who-knows-what. They spoke with all of my neighbors, asking if any had

seen me lately. And when I did not answer the door of my soundproofed

home after repeated knocks, the police broke one of the windows on my

garage door, released the manual door safety, and let themselves in.

Then they took a crowbar and an axe to the interior door separating the

garage from my kitchen, and broke it down to allow entry.

I awoke from a sound sleep to find three dark silhouetted figures

standing over me, all talking loudly and calling me by name. I was

terrified. They identified themselves as police and told me that one of

my internet acquaintances had called them from many states away to check

on me to insure that I had not hurt myself.

I couldn't believe it. I don't even really know the person who set this

nightmare in motion. I've exchanged a few emails with the individual,

and spoken once by phone. I'm sure they had good intentions and wanted

to put their own mind at ease, yet that doesn't justify sending up an

alarm call that requires intervention from the police. They just don't

know me well enough to correctly assess my situation and involve

themselves in my life in this way without my consent. Talk about an

unwelcome boundary violation.

Not only do I no longer feel safe in my home, I can't find my precious

cat. Both my garage and kitchen doors are ruined, and I have no money

to repair them. I can't even secure the premises at this point. This

couldn't happen at a worse time, as my lender's appraiser is due to come

out next week, whose report determines whether my lender will call off

the foreclosure wolves at the door.

So, this concerned individual's good intentions have real world

repercussions for me, at a time in my life when my plate is already

overflowing with challenges. Naturally, the individual is offended that

I am not appreciative of their actions and is bending over backwards to

justify their (poor) judgment. And they are taking no responsibility

for the situation, as it wasn't they who broke down my door. In their

childlike innocence, they just do not understand the concept of

blowback, where actions have unintended consequences that can rapidly

spiral out of control. When one chooses to involve police, all sorts of

things can happen.

I have asked the individual to assume financial responsibility for the

repairs to my home resulting from the nightmare they set in motion, but

it does not seem that their concern for my welfare extends quite that

far. <cynical sigh>

I could try suing the city in small claims court for the damages, but

that could take forever to resolve and I frankly don't have the time.

And the city can always make the case that the police were just doing

their job.

I had reserved this weekend for a major job hunting effort, yet I am

just too emotionally fried to do much of anything now. I can't even

secure my home, and I am worried sick about my cat.

This story is a warning to anyone who feels the need to go 'saving' an

online acquaintance just because they have shared some of their troubles

with the group. Please do not assume that you understand that person's

situation intimately enough to take the sort of action that this

individual did. These actions have consequences for the recipient. If

you are not willing to commit yourself to the entire process, please

don't go starting something that you are not prepared to finish.

Never again will I share my phone number or other contact information

with anyone in an online support group.

Best,

~CJ