RE: Potential Relationship

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

How do you tell about a guy?? Now I’m

just a poor benighted Aspie, and not really qualified on such things, but off

the top of my head, I’d suggest the following points.

Serious interest in relationship?... a serious

interest in you, for a start. Probably best if he doesn’t push

things too fast or too hard. He appears to be genuinely respectful to you

and your needs. He studies your choices. Takes your word for

things. He is prepared to reveal some genuine things about himself,

is prepared to introduce you to close friends or family. Reveals his personal

interests etc.

Superficial (i.e. sexual)? ... too much

intense attentive interest in you. Too complimentary about

your looks or attractiveness. Very keen to get your approval of

himself. Makes overt or subtle passes of a physical nature at you. Doesn’t

for the time appear to have any other interest in life. Pursues you

by phone or whatever too frequently. Keeps you strictly to himself,

and unlikely to introduce you to persons close to him. Perhaps spends

a bit too much money on you.

Just wants to be friends... shows every sign of

enjoying just chatting with you. In talking with you, doesn’t

just talk about himself or yourself. Shares his interests, and asks

questions. Makes no particular demands on you for time, or

company. Is prepared to share responsibility with you on how

to spend time together. Doesn’t appear too generous, no

significant gifts, of any big value. Spends time away from you,

without pestering you, or apologizing for it.

How’s that for starters? I’m

prepared to be duly corrected by the NTs among you all.

Ron.

Subject: Potential

Relationship

A question came up on another listserv that I am on

that had me scratching my head as to how to know the answer. It was suggested

that the best place for such a question would be someplace dedicated to

relationships, which made me think of here.

So the question is -- How to tell whether or not a guy I'm friendly with (NT or

AS) is either a) into me in such a way that could lead to a serious

relationship; looking for a purely superficial (I.e., sexual) relationship;

or c) just wants to be friends?

After being out of the dating world for 25+ years, I have no confidence in my

ability to read the intentions of guys anymore.

I was no great shakes at reading guys 25 years ago, but so much has changed in

25 years that I don't even know how/where to start. I just know I don't want to

spend the rest of my life alone.

~