Re: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

[Guest guest]

Thanks.... I would love to set up some arbitrary "no gum" rule at my house, but they'd probably ignore it and, even worse, mock me for it.With family, it's often harder to set "rules and boundaries." Plus my husband MOCKS me for my 4S and says I'm "crazy" and I should "just get over it." Of course because it's his mother, he claims he "does not notice it" and that I'm "imagining" her cracking gum.Today the kids are off from school so my husband is taking the kids to the Science Museum... with his mother. When I heard that she'd be going, I immediately came up with an excuse NOT to go. See, this gets in the way of family time, but what can I do? I know she'll be cracking and

popping and clicking away the whole time at the museum...The only option I can do is AVOID it. I said that I needed to spend time alone at home. I also routinely avoid the summer camping trips with them. Alone in the woods in a camper with my mother in law cracking gum... I would snap. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 10:40 AM Subject:

Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

Maybe make a “rule†that there is no gum allowed in the house. Kids aren’t allowed, grown ups aren’t allowed, etc.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Meghan. My husband does mock me and yell at me for having my "problems" and tells me that I'm faking it. When I tell him that other people have it too and it's a documented (semi documented) medical condition, he retorts, "Oh please! Those people are just trying to get attention! What? It's like 'restless leg syndrome' or something. People love to make up fake diseases." I can't win. My husband's family actually does many other things to irritate my 4S. They are otherwise polite and well behaved people, but when it comes to EATING and CHEWING they can be disgusting. At the dinner table they LICK THEIR FINGERS, pick their teeth, chew and smack

loudly, etc. My father in law, as much as I love him otherwise, even picks up his plates and bowls and LICKS THEM CLEAN at the dinner table. I am always flabbergasted and grossed out. I also have to tell my kids that it is NOT OKAY to do that. I tell them, "Just because Grandpa does it doesn't mean it's okay to lick you fingers and plate, especially if you are in public or at a restaurant." From: Meghan

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 12:56 AM Subject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

I can't believe your husband mocks you for it. Don't you ever wish you could bestow this affliction on someone just for a week or two? Just so they know how it feels!?! I hate that you are not comfortable in your own home, I really feel for you! Also, it makes me upset that most of us are embarrassed to let those around us know about our condition! I'm like that too, but why?! I swear it's like that old-fashioned rape mentality like we are somehow to blame for being crazy, or too uptight, or irritable...it's bullsh*t!!!

Sorry, I just get so angry that we are the ones who have to live in this hell on a daily basis but we are so concerned with not making other people uncomfortable about it. You should tell husband to tell your MIL, like someone said before (sorry didn't catch the name). I really hope it gets better for you, I probably would have given up a long time ago if I were you..

>

> Thanks.... I would love to set up some arbitrary "no gum" rule at my house, but they'd probably ignore it and, even worse, mock me for it.

>

> With family, it's often harder to set "rules and boundaries." Plus my husband MOCKS me for my 4S and says I'm "crazy" and I should "just get over it." Of course because it's his mother, he claims he "does not notice it" and that I'm "imagining" her cracking gum.

>

> Today the kids are off from school so my husband is taking the kids to the Science Museum... with his mother. When I heard that she'd be going, I immediately came up with an excuse NOT to go. See, this gets in the way of family time, but what can I do? I know she'll be cracking and popping and clicking away the whole time at the museum...

>

> The only option I can do is AVOID it. I said that I needed to spend time alone at home. I also routinely avoid the summer camping trips with them. Alone in the woods in a camper with my mother in law cracking gum... I would snap.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 10:40 AM

> Subject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

>

>

>

> Maybe make a “rule†that there is no gum allowed in the house. Kids aren’t allowed, grown ups aren’t allowed, etc.

>

[Guest guest]

I too have never told my mother-in-law that I am bothered by chewing and do not want my husband to tell her. She is not a bad person -- and is not even that noisy -- but I get the distinct impression that she would not understand. My husband's family is Japanese and this is a culture where generally, everyone is polite and no one says what they mean. Fortunately, my husband protects me and we find ways to avoid eating with just her -- large family meals where everyone is talking are not that bad. It is just when it's the three of us and everything is quiet except for the sound of my husband and her chewing in exactly the same way that drives me crazy.Charlene, you're situation sounds SO much worse and I feel for you. It's clear that your husband is not going to be an advocate for you, so I can understand why you do not want

to confront the situation directly. And I agree that it would most likely be a disaster.Those meals sound like a circus. Any way you can join in the spirit of "anything goes" and just show up one day with an ipod and headphones on, no explanation? If they want to know what's going on, let them ask. At that point, if you have the courage, you can explain in a way that is non-judgmental as possible. Or, you can make something up -- say you have tinnitus and the music or whatever helps block it out. Even if they are dismissive, will they tell you not to wear the headphones? You are not telling them what to do, so why should they tell you? I know this won't help with the visuals but maybe it would make hell a little more comfortable.Subject: Re: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in LawTo: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >Date: Wednesday, February 22, 2012, 6:25 AM

Thanks Meghan. My husband does mock me and yell at me for having my "problems" and tells me that I'm faking it. When I tell him that other people have it too and it's a documented (semi documented) medical condition, he retorts, "Oh please! Those people are just trying to get attention! What? It's like 'restless leg syndrome' or something. People love to make up fake diseases." I can't win. My husband's family actually does many other things to irritate my 4S. They are otherwise polite and well behaved people, but when it comes to EATING and CHEWING they can be disgusting. At the dinner table they LICK THEIR FINGERS, pick their teeth, chew and smack

loudly, etc. My father in law, as much as I love him otherwise, even picks up his plates and bowls and LICKS THEM CLEAN at the dinner table. I am always flabbergasted and grossed out. I also have to tell my kids that it is NOT OKAY to do that. I tell them, "Just because Grandpa does it doesn't mean it's okay to lick you fingers and plate, especially if you are in public or at a restaurant." From: Meghan

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 12:56 AM Subject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

I can't believe your husband mocks you for it. Don't you ever wish you could bestow this affliction on someone just for a week or two? Just so they know how it feels!?! I hate that you are not comfortable in your own home, I really feel for you! Also, it makes me upset that most of us are embarrassed to let those around us know about our condition! I'm like that too, but why?! I swear it's like that old-fashioned rape mentality like we are somehow to blame for being crazy, or too uptight, or irritable...it's bullsh*t!!!

Sorry, I just get so angry that we are the ones who have to live in this hell on a daily basis but we are so concerned with not making other people uncomfortable about it. You should tell husband to tell your MIL, like someone said before (sorry didn't catch the name). I really hope it gets better for you, I probably would have given up a long time ago if I were you..

>

> Thanks.... I would love to set up some arbitrary "no gum" rule at my house, but they'd probably ignore it and, even worse, mock me for it.

>

> With family, it's often harder to set "rules and boundaries." Plus my husband MOCKS me for my 4S and says I'm "crazy" and I should "just get over it." Of course because it's his mother, he claims he "does not notice it" and that I'm "imagining" her cracking gum.

>

> Today the kids are off from school so my husband is taking the kids to the Science Museum... with his mother. When I heard that she'd be going, I immediately came up with an excuse NOT to go. See, this gets in the way of family time, but what can I do? I know she'll be cracking and popping and clicking away the whole time at the museum...

>

> The only option I can do is AVOID it. I said that I needed to spend time alone at home. I also routinely avoid the summer camping trips with them. Alone in the woods in a camper with my mother in law cracking gum... I would snap.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 10:40 AM

> Subject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

>

>

>

> Maybe make a “rule†that there is no gum allowed in the house. Kids aren’t allowed, grown ups aren’t allowed, etc.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 11:53 AMSubject: Re: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

I too have never told my mother-in-law that I am bothered by chewing and do not want my husband to tell her. She is not a bad person -- and is not even that noisy -- but I get the distinct impression that she would not understand. My husband's family is Japanese and this is a culture where generally, everyone is polite and no one says what they mean. Fortunately, my husband protects me and we find ways to avoid eating with just her -- large family meals where everyone is talking are not that bad. It is just when it's the three of us and everything is quiet except for the sound of my husband and her chewing in exactly the same way that drives me crazy.Charlene, you're situation sounds SO much worse and I feel for you. It's clear that your husband is not going to be an advocate for you, so I can understand why you do not want to confront the situation directly. And I agree that it would most likely

be a disaster.Those meals sound like a circus. Any way you can join in the spirit of "anything goes" and just show up one day with an ipod and headphones on, no explanation? If they want to know what's going on, let them ask. At that point, if you have the courage, you can explain in a way that is non-judgmental as possible. Or, you can make something up -- say you have tinnitus and the music or whatever helps block it out. Even if they are dismissive, will they tell you not to wear the headphones? You are not telling them what to do, so why should they tell you? I know this won't help with the visuals but maybe it would make hell a little more comfortable.

Subject: Re: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in LawTo: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >Date: Wednesday, February 22, 2012, 6:25 AM

Thanks Meghan. My husband does mock me and yell at me for having my "problems" and tells me that I'm faking it. When I tell him that other people have it too and it's a documented (semi documented) medical condition, he retorts, "Oh please! Those people are just trying to get attention! What? It's like 'restless leg syndrome' or something. People love to make up fake diseases."

I can't win.

My husband's family actually does many other things to irritate my 4S. They are otherwise polite and well behaved people, but when it comes to EATING and CHEWING they can be disgusting. At the dinner table they LICK THEIR FINGERS, pick their teeth, chew and smack loudly, etc. My father in law, as much as I love him otherwise, even picks up his plates and bowls and LICKS THEM CLEAN at the dinner table. I am always flabbergasted and grossed out.

I also have to tell my kids that it is NOT OKAY to do that. I tell them, "Just because Grandpa does it doesn't mean it's okay to lick you fingers and plate, especially if you are in public or at a restaurant."

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 12:56 AMSubject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law

I can't believe your husband mocks you for it. Don't you ever wish you could bestow this affliction on someone just for a week or two? Just so they know how it feels!?! I hate that you are not comfortable in your own home, I really feel for you! Also, it makes me upset that most of us are embarrassed to let those around us know about our condition! I'm like that too, but why?! I swear it's like that old-fashioned rape mentality like we are somehow to blame for being crazy, or too uptight, or irritable...it's bullsh*t!!! Sorry, I just get so angry that we are the ones who have to live in this hell on a daily basis but we are so concerned with not making other people uncomfortable about it. You should tell husband to tell your MIL, like someone said before (sorry didn't catch the name). I really hope it gets better for you, I probably would have given up a long time ago if I were you..>> Thanks.... I would love to set up some arbitrary "no gum" rule at my house, but they'd probably ignore it and, even worse, mock me for it.> > With family, it's often harder to set "rules and boundaries." Plus my husband MOCKS me for my 4S and says I'm "crazy" and I should "just get over it." Of course because it's his mother, he claims he "does not notice it" and that I'm "imagining" her cracking gum.> > Today the kids are off from school so my husband is taking the kids to the Science Museum... with his mother. When I heard that she'd be going, I immediately came up with an excuse NOT to go. See, this gets in the way of family time, but what can I do? I know she'll be cracking and popping and clicking away the whole time at the museum...> > The

only option I can do is AVOID it. I said that I needed to spend time alone at home. I also routinely avoid the summer camping trips with them. Alone in the woods in a camper with my mother in law cracking gum... I would snap. > > > > ________________________________> > To: Soundsensitivity > Sent: Sunday, February 19, 2012 10:40 AM> Subject: Re: Hi again from the girl with the Gum Cracking Mother in Law> > > > Maybe make a “rule†that there is no gum allowed in the house. Kids aren’t allowed, grown ups aren’t allowed, etc.>

[Guest guest]

Charlene, I am horrified for you! I couldn't possibly sit through a meal with

people like your in-laws. God bless ya!

My ex-boyfriend thought my misophonia was somehow opportunistic because he saw

that sometimes I reacted more strongly than others. Anyone with this disorder

knows that our ability to cope and/or hide our reactions varies with mood,

stress level, anxiety level, etc. For me, being trapped in a car with him eating

was usually much worse than if I was somewhere where I knew I had the

opportunity to walk away. He just couldn't or wouldn't wrap his head around the

inherent variability in how I cope. So, I can empathize with what it's like to

be in a relationship with someone who can't or won't understand. My heart goes

out to you!

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