My miserable story

[Guest guest]

I am dealing

with misophonia, hyperacusis, as well as tinnitus that is so bad

sometimes, a whole ear will go deaf with ringing sometimes. I can't handle

very loud bands or crowded places, so going out for me is hard, which

affects my social life.But the biggest

triggers right now are 1. my home and 2. my work environment.

I live in a

small apartment on the middle level, and the upstairs neighbor stomps

around very loudly, and the sound jolts through my whole body. It's

like I can feel the sound in my blood. It's very jarring and

upsetting, because I can't relax in any sort of silence. I

complained, and then she got worse on purpose, stomping around as

loud as possible. I tried to confront her, but she won't open the

door. I was so enraged, I threatened my landlord with a lawsuit, but

legally, I have no case, since she's not making excessive noise by

having parties or anything. Less importantly – my cat meows

excessively sometimes, and drives me to such a rage that I shut him

in the bathroom for some peace until he calms down. I love my cat,

and I know he's just chatty. I think back on that, and hate myself.

Now at work, I

am in a small office with one other person, and she makes such

offensive noises, that I have to cover my ears with my hands many

times a day and put my had down so I don't scream.

She drinks soda

constantly and burps every 5 minutes - literally. Not only is it

disgusting, but it throws off my concentration and I can't work

efficiently. Secondly, she sneezes so violently that it echoes in the

tiny room and is so loud to me, it makes my ears ring with pain. And

lastly, she has a nasty smokers cough that makes me nauseous because

it's so deep and phlegmy and gross. I recently quit

smoking, too, so I can't escape that way to relieve the stress

anymore.

Even if it were

completely silent, my ears would produce a ringing noise so loud it

would drown out every thought in my head. I've gotten good at

ignoring it most of the time, but if I pay attention to it, I find it

is always there.

I remember from

a young age, around 10 or 12, being very aggravated by sounds of

chewing and smacking. I have 5 siblings, so I could barely stand

family dinners...the chewing, biting, clicking teeth together, forks

scraping on the tooth, the chairs sliding loudly on the floor, my

mother sucking food out of her teeth. Just thinking about it stresses

me out. It always bothered me.Recently, I've

broken down in tears because I'm so overwhelmed by it all, so

desperate for relief, so sick of being aggravated and angry and

picking fights and wanting to scream. I know I will move out in a few

months, but I can't choose to move my office. And I still have

several months in my apartment until my lease is over.

How will I ever

make it?

I plan on seeing

a hearing specialist soon – I just hope he has some knowledge or

experience with my symptoms that he can help, because I'm desperate. I'm so sick of

being angry and irritable.