Re: Digest Number 20/DEBBIE

[Guest guest]

Dear Debbie,

Thank you for your prayers. I am too afraid to pray right now. I feel

like God is punishing me for something. I have been in such pain. It is truly

unbearable. The mophine takes the edge off, but little else. I have given up

right now. Maybe in a few days i'll feel diferently, but for right now, I

really believe my family would be better off without me. Only problem there

is that i'm a catholic and sucide is a mortal sin. So i could never do it

intenetionally.

I promised Deb no more down and out letters. Just wanted to say thank

you for caring. I treasure friends like you, and deb, jo, and the group. I

know you all know what im going though right now. The five hundred i need

weighs heavy on my mind and heart. The pain, although unbearable, i choose to

ignore as much as possible. Its like i'm going though the grieveing process.

I lost my old life. I have to deal with one that has pain 24/7. Ever since i

got RSD, i have had pain. But nothing like this. This is the worst its ever

been.

Sorry i can't be up and happy right now. Can't even muster up my alanon

voice. Maybe i'll snap out of it. Please don't recommend counceling, for i've

been there done that. I know what needs to be done to get me to want to live

again. I just don't have the strenght right now to do it. Deb i promised you

i wouldn't post any more " down " letters. I'm sorry about this one. It s just

touching that people care so much. I am so grateful to this group. God bless

and love and hugs, nancy