RE: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

May 20, 2012

My daughter never triggered me as a baby. Lots of oxytocin during the first years especially when you breatfeed. Oxytocin makes a person relaxed, forgiving, and just maternal in general. My baby could do no wrong. Her cries were desperately heart-warming to me and precious. Other people's children bother me a great deal but not my own. From: Karolina

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:11 PM Subject: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding. As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family, because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being triggered until after I'd explode.

Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her, and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would.

Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.

Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a trigger for you?

May 20, 2012

My son who will soon be 17 was never a trigger for me. There are times when I have to tell him not to chomp his gum.....and when we first moved to this house it was larger and he was scared sleeping by himself. So he would sleep in the top bunk, with me on the bottom bunk with my fan or white noise machine. He also has to sleep with white noise now to. But he can sleep at a friends house without it. I cantSent from my Verizon Wireless Phone 4S and shaken baby syndrome I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding. As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family, because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being triggered until after I'd explode.Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her, and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would. Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a trigger for you?

May 20, 2012

This is interesting. I have to admit, I was a little defensive when I first read this, because my husband and I have infertility, and we had been trying to adopt for years. I did hope to do adoptive breastfeeding, so perhaps that would help with the oxytocin.... but I guess my point is, that it's interesting that you point to the chemical reaction of a pregnancy/breastfeeding versus lack of that reaction in the homecoming of an adopted child. It really bothers me when people insinuate that I can't love an adopted child as much as I would love a biological child.... but now I'm wondering if it's not a matter of "love" but of chemistry in the brain that for "normal" people is a non-issue, but for me may be an issue. I did wonder if I would have had the same reactions to our foster daughter had I given birth to her. I loved her incredibly, and even today, years after she's been gone, I'd adopt her in a heartbeat. Anyway, it sounds like oxytocin ought to help with the reactions of 4S in general, then, no? Is this one of the meds that some people try to curb their reactions? My triggers aren't as common as many others', so I'm not concerned enough about it to medicate myself, but for others for whom this is a much more daily struggle....?

<><

Karolina

To: Soundsensitivity From: aprilpoitras@...Date: Sun, 20 May 2012 13:22:56 -0700Subject: Re: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

My daughter never triggered me as a baby. Lots of oxytocin during the first years especially when you breatfeed. Oxytocin makes a person relaxed, forgiving, and just maternal in general. My baby could do no wrong. Her cries were desperately heart-warming to me and precious. Other people's children bother me a great deal but not my own. From: Karolina

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:11 PM Subject: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding. As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family, because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being triggered until after I'd explode.

Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her, and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would.

Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.

Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a trigger for you?

May 20, 2012

Oxytocin. Super insight!

From: Karolina Dembinska-Lemus

Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 2:29 PM

To: soundsensitivity

Subject: RE: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

This is interesting. I have to admit, I was a little defensive when I first read this, because my husband and I have infertility, and we had been trying to adopt for years. I did hope to do adoptive breastfeeding, so perhaps that would help with the oxytocin.... but I guess my point is, that it's interesting that you point to the chemical reaction of a pregnancy/breastfeeding versus lack of that reaction in the homecoming of an adopted child. It really bothers me when people insinuate that I can't love an adopted child as much as I would love a biological child.... but now I'm wondering if it's not a matter of "love" but of chemistry in the brain that for "normal" people is a non-issue, but for me may be an issue. I did wonder if I would have had the same reactions to our foster daughter had I given birth to her. I loved her incredibly, and even today, years after she's been gone, I'd adopt her in a heartbeat. Anyway, it sounds like oxytocin ought to help with the reactions of 4S in general, then, no? Is this one of the meds that some people try to curb their reactions? My triggers aren't as common as many others', so I'm not concerned enough about it to medicate myself, but for others for whom this is a much more daily struggle....?

<><

Karolina

To: Soundsensitivity From: aprilpoitras@...Date: Sun, 20 May 2012 13:22:56 -0700Subject: Re: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

My daughter never triggered me as a baby. Lots of oxytocin during the first years especially when you breatfeed. Oxytocin makes a person relaxed, forgiving, and just maternal in general. My baby could do no wrong. Her cries were desperately heart-warming to me and precious. Other people's children bother me a great deal but not my own.

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:11 PMSubject: 4S and shaken baby syndrome

I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding. As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family, because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being triggered until after I'd explode.Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her, and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would. Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a trigger for you?

May 20, 2012

My daughter had colic. It. Drove. Me. Crazy. I didn't get angry, but I got

VERY upset. Sometimes, I would cry with her. Most of the time, I handed her to

my husband and left the house because I couldn't hear it for another second.

Her regular crying didn't bother me at all. I don't know if I had the same

issues that I do, now, though. (I was only 19) I don't think there's anybody

who could listen to a baby scream for 4 hours, non stop, every day without going

nuts

My son was never a trigger for me when he was a baby. He's a trigger now at 10.

His crying, now, completely and utterly infuriates me. I, mostly, think it's

because he's 10 and cries like a toddler over EVERYTHING and it's loud and

dramatic. I am able to walk away, though. I used to try and enlist my husband

to make him stop, but he just makes it worse. Then I hear both of them... one

crying and one muffled through the walls.

My point... when it's your baby (natural or adoptive) you want the crying to

stop because you want them to be ok. You want whatever their problem is to go

away. Other peoples babies... you just want them to STFU.

>

> I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to

bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding.

As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really

concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger

management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family,

because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

>

> The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try

to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get

that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time

between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being

triggered until after I'd explode.

>

> Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for

almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for

being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd

wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable

bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a

weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her

in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to

figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her,

and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that

reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would.

>

> Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a

lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could

actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a

child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the

trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my

reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered

again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.

>

> Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a

trigger for you?

>

May 20, 2012

So how much of this could be 4S related, and how much is just the usual reaction

to the often annoying things kids do?

> >

> > I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to

bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding.

As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really

concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger

management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family,

because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

> >

> > The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try

to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get

that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time

between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being

triggered until after I'd explode.

> >

> > Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl

for almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty

for being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and

I'd wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice

predictable bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for

her alone on a weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd

have to leave her in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk

around to try to figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of

potentially hurting her, and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be

alone with her for that reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else

would.

> >

> > Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a

lot worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could

actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a

child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the

trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my

reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered

again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.

> >

> > Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a

trigger for you?

> >

>

May 20, 2012

Well, 12 1/2 years ago, I think I was just annoyed at colic.

Today, I am violently pissed off when the 10 year old cries.

Much different emotions. I know that I can control myself, but the anger is

overwhelming.

> > >

> > > I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted

to bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research

funding. As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage

really concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended

anger management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family,

because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

> > >

> > > The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to

try to count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get

that rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time

between a trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being

triggered until after I'd explode.

> > >

> > > Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl