Re: Rage at Rudeness

[Guest guest]

That's a really good way to look at it, although difficult to accept, especially

when others' " rudeness " is so penetrative and offensive to us that are

sensitive.

When it's bearable, I try to talk myself down and calm down so I can think and

work again; but other times, I'm so consumed by it, that all I can do is shake

and cry, especially when I cannot get away from the noise or it keeps me from

sleeping.

Sometimes I feel like I can almost deal with it, other times I feel helpless and

totally out of control. The more I think about it, the more it affects me. It's

like my tinntius, which I rarely pay attention to; yet when I do, I hear it loud

and clear.

>

> The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to

address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has

helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically

and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but

the point is that

> PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks,

people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack

and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society

deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the

death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only

saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand

that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they

are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me

that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

>

[Guest guest]

I do agree with this, except in at least one instance. One of the sounds I

can't stand the most is gum cracking/snapping. While the term " rude " may or may

not be the most applicable, I think that most people would say that chewing,

slurping, and snapping your gum like a cow is discourteous and unattractive.

As a side note, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a " death glare " . I swear

I have very little control over it, too. I can try very hard not to react to

someone, only to find myself turning and glaring at the person. Sometimes they

stop what they're doing and hurry away. Other times they just look at me like

" What? " .

>

> The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to

address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has

helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically

and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but

the point is that

> PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks,

people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack

and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society

deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the

death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only

saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand

that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they

are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me

that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

>

[Guest guest]

Although I understand how perception can make a difference, often times people really ARE being rude, not just perceived as being that way. I don’t have 4S (my son does), but I will still get angry when other people do not respect the feelings and “sound environment” of others around them, particularly when it’s something they can help and that involves basic good manners which they should know (ignorance is not an excuse). While some sniffing (allergies) may be difficult to control (leaving to use a kleenex doesn’t stop the problem), or where it’s something like sighing that’s a part of normal conversation, other things like eating with your mouth open, talking with food in your mouth, smacking and slurping your food, etc. are NOT normal behaviors (at least in the U.S.) - They are bad manners period. That said however, I do agree that there are some “normal” sounds that I would not consider being rude that people really can not help (certain consonant sounds when speaking), and for those things, realizing they are only being perceived as rude might help as you suggest. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of lisa oSent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 11:01 AMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: Rage at Rudeness That's a really good way to look at it, although difficult to accept, especially when others' " rudeness " is so penetrative and offensive to us that are sensitive. When it's bearable, I try to talk myself down and calm down so I can think and work again; but other times, I'm so consumed by it, that all I can do is shake and cry, especially when I cannot get away from the noise or it keeps me from sleeping. Sometimes I feel like I can almost deal with it, other times I feel helpless and totally out of control. The more I think about it, the more it affects me. It's like my tinntius, which I rarely pay attention to; yet when I do, I hear it loud and clear. >> The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that > PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.>

[Guest guest]

Adah, you crack me up. I, too, am able to forgive others because I know the sounds they make are not intended to hurt me.

The topic of rage and "normals" being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that

PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems "rude". If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

=

[Guest guest]

Yes, some sounds are normal just-being-human sounds. I can usually get away from them and there isn't much residual anger once I escape. The sounds that cause me to go into an absolute rage are the ones that are what I call the "LOOK AT ME" sounds. Loud motorcycles, morons playing threatening bass "music" & those "tough" girls that just have to POP their gum. These people are just plain RUDE and daring someone to say something about their rudeness. To: Soundsensitivity From: ccummin1@...Date: Tue, 1 May 2012 11:52:48 -0700Subject: RE: Re: Rage at Rudeness

Although I understand how perception can make a difference, often times people really ARE being rude, not just perceived as being that way. I don’t have 4S (my son does), but I will still get angry when other people do not respect the feelings and “sound environment” of others around them, particularly when it’s something they can help and that involves basic good manners which they should know (ignorance is not an excuse). While some sniffing (allergies) may be difficult to control (leaving to use a kleenex doesn’t stop the problem), or where it’s something like sighing that’s a part of normal conversation, other things like eating with your mouth open, talking with food in your mouth, smacking and slurping your food, etc. are NOT normal behaviors (at least in the U.S.) - They are bad manners period. That said however, I do agree that there are some “normal” sounds that I would not consider being rude that people really can not help (certain consonant sounds when speaking), and for those things, realizing they are only being perceived as rude might help as you suggest. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of lisa oSent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 11:01 AMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: Rage at Rudeness That's a really good way to look at it, although difficult to accept, especially when others' "rudeness" is so penetrative and offensive to us that are sensitive. When it's bearable, I try to talk myself down and calm down so I can think and work again; but other times, I'm so consumed by it, that all I can do is shake and cry, especially when I cannot get away from the noise or it keeps me from sleeping. Sometimes I feel like I can almost deal with it, other times I feel helpless and totally out of control. The more I think about it, the more it affects me. It's like my tinntius, which I rarely pay attention to; yet when I do, I hear it loud and clear. >> The topic of rage and "normals" being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that > PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems "rude". If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.>

[Guest guest]

I agree totally, Adah. I do think it helps to think of it this way, otherwise you just see everyone as out to hurt you on purpose. Thanks. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of adah_123Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 1:51 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Rage at Rudeness The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

[Guest guest]

Agree with Kathy and Adah. I've not gone to therapist or taken meds as I dont perceive this "condition" to me that serious. Some of us are just more sensitive and others less so. I think if one person both sniff and and also snack and also scrape his or her shoes while walking, if one person does all of these things, he or she is just a savage. I'm not proper. Not even close. I was never raised to be this sensitive. I was never thought to be bothered by the sound swallowing my saliva but I do know that if someone smack and sniff it's such a savage. Ok I've had a couple of drinks and I maybe repetitive... <3 ArleneSent from my iPhone

I agree totally, Adah. I do think it helps to think of it this way, otherwise you just see everyone as out to hurt you on purpose. Thanks. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of adah_123Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 1:51 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Rage at Rudeness The topic of rage and "normals" being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems "rude". If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

=

[Guest guest]

I HATE flip flops and heels and the sounds they both make. I don't really like ANY shoes, but those are awful.But I also have peripheral neuropathy which means I have severe pain and numbness in my feet 24/7... and when I stand up and walk, within a minute or two it feels like my legs and feet are melting into the floor/ground and I can no longer feel them, so I have to look at each step I take so I don't trip over my feet and fall flat on my face.

So the sound sensitive part of me hears someone dragging or scuffling their feet and wants to glare and tell them to learn how to walk... yet at the very same time, I know that some people (certainly not all, but you NEVER know) can't help it.. numbness weighs on you and it is really difficult to pick your feet up when you walk. I try my hardest to do so because otherwise I feel like a hypocrite and a jerk... but some people truly can't help it.

And it isn't even something where you can look, see a walker or cane and understand... neuropathy (along with many other medical conditions) as an INVISIBLE illness... I 'look' like a normal 26 year old and nobody would guess by looking at me that I am in this excruciating pain or dealing with these problems... so even when sounds really bother me, I try to look at the other side... we never know what someone else is dealing with.

---------------------------------------------------------

♥

" Hope is more than a word; it's a state of being. It's a firm belief God will come through. Life brings rain... hope turns every drop into the power to bloom like never before. " -Holley Gerth ♥

Follow my story: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahmaeWish Upon A Hero Cafe Moderator and Fee's Assistant

 

Agree with Kathy and Adah. I've not gone to therapist or taken meds as I dont perceive this " condition " to me that serious. Some of us are just more sensitive and others less so. I think if one person both sniff and and also snack and also scrape his or her shoes while walking, if one person does all of these things, he or she is just a savage. I'm not proper. Not even close. I was never raised to be this sensitive. I was never thought to be bothered by the sound swallowing my saliva but I do know that if someone smack and sniff it's such a savage. 

Ok I've had a couple of drinks and I maybe repetitive... <3 ArleneSent from my iPhone

 

I agree totally, Adah.   I do think it helps to think of it this way, otherwise you just see everyone as out to hurt you on purpose.  Thanks.

 From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of adah_123

Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 1:51 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Rage at Rudeness

   The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that

PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

=

[Guest guest]

Thank you, for enlightening me on your perspective and others in your similar condition. It must be tough so scrape and at the same time bothered by your own scraping noise and acknowledge that others might be bothered too. That sucks. I do feel you. <3 ArleneSent from my iPhone

I HATE flip flops and heels and the sounds they both make. I don't really like ANY shoes, but those are awful.But I also have peripheral neuropathy which means I have severe pain and numbness in my feet 24/7... and when I stand up and walk, within a minute or two it feels like my legs and feet are melting into the floor/ground and I can no longer feel them, so I have to look at each step I take so I don't trip over my feet and fall flat on my face.

So the sound sensitive part of me hears someone dragging or scuffling their feet and wants to glare and tell them to learn how to walk... yet at the very same time, I know that some people (certainly not all, but you NEVER know) can't help it.. numbness weighs on you and it is really difficult to pick your feet up when you walk. I try my hardest to do so because otherwise I feel like a hypocrite and a jerk... but some people truly can't help it.

And it isn't even something where you can look, see a walker or cane and understand... neuropathy (along with many other medical conditions) as an INVISIBLE illness... I 'look' like a normal 26 year old and nobody would guess by looking at me that I am in this excruciating pain or dealing with these problems... so even when sounds really bother me, I try to look at the other side... we never know what someone else is dealing with.

---------------------------------------------------------

♥

"Hope is more than a word; it's a state of being. It's a firm belief God will come through. Life brings rain... hope turns every drop into the power to bloom like never before." -Holley Gerth ♥

Follow my story: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahmaeWish Upon A Hero Cafe Moderator and Fee's Assistant

Agree with Kathy and Adah. I've not gone to therapist or taken meds as I dont perceive this "condition" to me that serious. Some of us are just more sensitive and others less so. I think if one person both sniff and and also snack and also scrape his or her shoes while walking, if one person does all of these things, he or she is just a savage. I'm not proper. Not even close. I was never raised to be this sensitive. I was never thought to be bothered by the sound swallowing my saliva but I do know that if someone smack and sniff it's such a savage.

Ok I've had a couple of drinks and I maybe repetitive... <3 ArleneSent from my iPhone

I agree totally, Adah. I do think it helps to think of it this way, otherwise you just see everyone as out to hurt you on purpose. Thanks.

From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of adah_123

Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2012 1:51 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Rage at Rudeness

The topic of rage and "normals" being rude has come up again and I'd like to address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but the point is that

PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks, people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems "rude". If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

=

=

[Guest guest]

> >

> > The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to

address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has

helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically

and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but

the point is that

> > PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks,

people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack and

sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society deems

" rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the

death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only

saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand

that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they

are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me

that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Good observation, however I still think that if someone is chewing gum so loudly

that others can hear it, it's just downright rude. Lack of manners in others in

a misophonia's nightmare

>

> The topic of rage and " normals " being rude has come up again and I'd like to

address it. In my late 40's I was able to develop a survival mechanism that has

helped me a great deal. I am able to look at myself and my reactions clinically

and with detachment. It helps to keep me somewhat more sane than I would be but

the point is that

> PEOPLE ARE NOT BEING RUDE. WE PERCEIVE them as being rude. Honestly folks,

people are just living their lives. They sniff and slurp and grunt and smack

and sigh and are generally disgusting. But they are not being what society

deems " rude " . If people knew their behavior was socially wrong and rude, the

death-stare would work to stop the activity. We are the anomaly. I am only

saying this because it has helped me to reduce some of my rage. I understand

that the rage is mine, the problem is in my messed-up perception. I think they

are a bunch of rude ass-hats too: but it's my mis-wired brain that is telling me

that - it is not a fact. OK - Off the soapbox.

>