Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

[Guest guest]

You sound like a wonderful person, and so does your husband. There are only rare occasions when I tell others about my misophonia, because I get angry if people make my trigger noises while knowing it causes me distress. If I trust someone and need their help in dealing with my problem, I have opened up with generally positive results.

If you fear that your husband will react negatively to the “rage†he will read about, the good news is that you have a history of maintaining your loving relationships despite this problem. One suggestion is to explain the reactions of people with misophonia in terms of fight-or-flight reflex, which makes clear the involuntary nature of the problem. It also suggests that anger is only one reaction; the one that you typically don’t exhibit.

If you and your husband need help coping with this admittedly difficult condition, you can explore couples therapy. A good therapist can suggest ways of coping, and can steer you and your husband around the pitfalls, including blame.

Above all, there is hope for a cure. Researchers are only starting on this problem, and they won’t stop. They get paid for this stuff.

Best hopes for a brighter future,

From: safesounds4all

Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 7:23 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Trying To Protect My Marriage

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone â€" the love of my life â€" and be his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldn’t take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction. Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€ÂYes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in “danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as “misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ€Â. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

[Guest guest]

My mother had Misophonia and was married to my father for over 50 years till he died 10 years ago. She was always annoyed at his noises and mentioned it often. That said, they adored each other and had a good marriage, despite the problem. My father was not a very patient easy going man, but he loved her so much that he just dealt with it. There never to my knowledge, was a blowup over this. I adore my wife as well, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, she loves me too and tolerates this problem. I am very lucky. There are worse issues that couples have to deal with. Alcoholism, infidelity, drug abuse, pornography addiction, you name it, but ultimately those things are

more destructive to a relationship than this is. If you both love and care for each other, you can make it work, just takes a lot of open conversations about it and respectful accommodations. All of this recent media attentionshould make it easier for others to understand. Tape the upcoming 20/20 and look for subsequent articles on the internet. Good luck, it will work out.Mike To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 10:00 AM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

You sound like a wonderful person, and so does your husband. There are only rare occasions when I tell others about my misophonia, because I get angry if people make my trigger noises while knowing it causes me distress. If I trust someone and need their help in dealing with my problem, I have opened up with generally positive results.

If you fear that your husband will react negatively to the “rage†he will read about, the good news is that you have a history of maintaining your loving relationships despite this problem. One suggestion is to explain the reactions of people with misophonia in terms of fight-or-flight reflex, which makes clear the involuntary nature of the problem. It also suggests that anger is only one reaction; the one that you typically don’t exhibit.

If you and your husband need help coping with this admittedly difficult condition, you can explore couples therapy. A good therapist can suggest ways of coping, and can steer you and your husband around the pitfalls, including blame.

Above all, there is hope for a cure. Researchers are only starting on this problem, and they won’t stop. They get paid for this stuff.

Best hopes for a brighter future,

From: safesounds4all

Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 7:23 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Trying To Protect My Marriage

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. âHow can I marry someone â" the love of my life â" and be his âgood and safeâ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????â I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldnât take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction. Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, âWHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.âYes, it is not so great for a marriage when you canât hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasnât cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in âdangerâ and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.So I tell this long story to ask you if youâve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really canât help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as âmisophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

[Guest guest]

I understand what you're going through. I love my husband dearly but he as become my trigger person. Since I found this group and realized that these feelings are an actual affliction it as helped immensely. My husband has noticed my withdrawal from him and it was very difficult or both of us to handle because I could never explain it to him before. He thought that i was repulsed by him and I felt so guilty for my reactions to his triggers. With the help of this group I have been able to articulate what I go through to my husband and he understands now. He is actually very relieved to know that this is something tangible. It helps him to not take my reaction so personally and it helps my guilt for having a reaction to my triggers. I can't tell you how much relief has come with sharing this with him. Now, instead of suffering in silence & trying to hide my reactions (and not doing a good job) I can tell him I'm being triggered and use one of my coping mechanisms. Let your husband in on this & what you're going through. I personally feel that going through this together with him will help the both of you cope with your misophonia.

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone â€" the love of my life â€" and be his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldn’t take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction.

Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€Â

Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in “danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.

So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as “misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ€Â. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

=

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for these encouraging words, . This is all very helpful.

>

> You sound like a wonderful person, and so does your husband. There are only

rare occasions when I tell others about my misophonia, because I get angry if

people make my trigger noises while knowing it causes me distress. If I trust

someone and need their help in dealing with my problem, I have opened up with

generally positive results.

>

> If you fear that your husband will react negatively to the “rage†he will

read about, the good news is that you have a history of maintaining your loving

relationships despite this problem. One suggestion is to explain the reactions

of people with misophonia in terms of fight-or-flight reflex, which makes clear

the involuntary nature of the problem. It also suggests that anger is only one

reaction; the one that you typically don’t exhibit.

>

> If you and your husband need help coping with this admittedly difficult

condition, you can explore couples therapy. A good therapist can suggest ways

of coping, and can steer you and your husband around the pitfalls, including

blame.

>

> Above all, there is hope for a cure. Researchers are only starting on this

problem, and they won’t stop. They get paid for this stuff.

>

> Best hopes for a brighter future,

>

>

> From: safesounds4all

> Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 7:23 AM

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Subject: Trying To Protect My Marriage

>

>

> Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents,

and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known.

However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been

and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them,

though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the

reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the

man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I

will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my

misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in

the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed

uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone †" the love of my life †"

and be his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of

his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was

devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this

condition away, and if He wouldn’t take it away, to help me make it all

work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this

affliction.

> Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose

not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd

behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him

than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is,

very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not

much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth

after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly

enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of

the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do

this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the

place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best

to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my

eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this,

and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can

see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€Â

> Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your

husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our

connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I

grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing

and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he

talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our

marriage is in “danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one

person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact

with him? That sounds awful.

> So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of

really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this

condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together.

Do you bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the

idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as

“misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger

peopleâ€Â. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel

sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs

(and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with

your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your

relationship?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all so much for your responses to my post. They really provide so much

hope, especially hearing about how you or your parents have dealt with this and

been able to stay close and nurture your connection. I do believe that my

husband and I have a connection that can see through all of this, and I

appreciate the perspective about some of the other things we could be facing and

thankfully are not.

Happy Mother's Day to all, and I wish you all a day of pleasant sounds.

>

> > Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my

parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever

known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have

always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from

them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state,

the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated

the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I

will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my

misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in

the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed

uncontrollably.  " How can I marry someone †" the love of my life †"

and be his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds

of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was

devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this

condition away, and if He wouldn’t take it away, to help me make it all

work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this

affliction.

> > Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I

chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that

my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to

him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always

is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not

much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth

after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly

enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of

the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do

this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the

place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best

to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my

eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this,

and one day last week said,  " WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can

see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€Â

> > Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at

your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our

connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I

grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing

and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he

talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our

marriage is in  " danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one

person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact

with him? That sounds awful.

> > So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of

really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this

condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together.

Do you bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate

the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as

 " misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger

peopleâ€Â. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel

sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs

(and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with

your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your

relationship?

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you. I can never forget the day the woman I loved first

triggered my misophonia symptoms. After about three months I tried to explain to

her what I was going through. I am sorry to say it didn't go well. This was 35

years ago. Then I had no understanding of the condition such as I have gained

over the last nine months from reading about misophonia. if I had to explain it

now I think I could do it in a way that would not have alienated her from me. I

would have tried to get us both to counselling first so that our first

conversation about it took place in a supportive environment. I am happy for you

that you are able to understand what is hapening to you and that you have the

support of groups like this. I am sure things will work out for you.

I still believe love can overcome all difficulties. I wish you all the best.

>

> Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents,

and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known.

However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been

and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them,

though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the

reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the

man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I

will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my

misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in

the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed

uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone †" the love of my life †" and be

his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence

makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was devastated. In that moment,

I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldn’t

take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best

friend and future husband over this affliction.

> Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose

not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd

behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him

than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is,

very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not

much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth

after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly

enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of

the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do

this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the

place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best

to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my

eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this,

and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see

I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€

> Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your

husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our

connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I

grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing and

eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks.

He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage

is in “danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can

he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That

sounds awful.

> So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of really

sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition

and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you

bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the idea of

him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as

“misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ€. I do

get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and

sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do

not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse,

specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your

relationship?

>

[Guest guest]

You sound like you have a very special man as a husband. It does indeed take someone special to even attempt to understand our condition and not run away. Sorry to say my husband was a narcissist, so he would NEVER understand my odd idiosyncroses. He, along with my children, were always very embarrassed and intolerant. He divorced me, (but I think his main reason for divorcing me was because he wanted younger women). But my ex was a coward who didnt have an empathetic bone in his body, unlike your husband sounds. My suggestion is to make sure when a worse stage comes along as it has now, to drag your husband with you to marriage counseling to someone you handpick first that understands misophonia and will help your husband understand,

remind him of his commitment even when its gotten worse, and find ways to help cope with this for your marriage. After all, if you had alzheimers, cancer, paralisis, or any number of other medical conditions that can wreak havoc on a marrige, people learn to cope however they have to. I would keep telling him how much you adore him, how he is your best friend, how grateful you are of his understanding and support. You might also try a code word when things are really bad for you and you cant stand it anymore - before it gets to that point To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sunday, May 13, 2012 4:10 PM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

My heart goes out to you. I can never forget the day the woman I loved first triggered my misophonia symptoms. After about three months I tried to explain to her what I was going through. I am sorry to say it didn't go well. This was 35 years ago. Then I had no understanding of the condition such as I have gained over the last nine months from reading about misophonia. if I had to explain it now I think I could do it in a way that would not have alienated her from me. I would have tried to get us both to counselling first so that our first conversation about it took place in a supportive environment. I am happy for you that you are able to understand what is hapening to you and that you have the support of groups like this. I am sure things will work out for you.

I still believe love can overcome all difficulties. I wish you all the best.

>

> Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone â€" the love of my life â€" and be his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes

me want to run through a wall!!!!????� I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldn’t take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction.

> Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a

few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.�

> Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in “danger� and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.

> So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as “misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger people�. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

>

[Guest guest]

when is the 20/20 show on misophonia going to be again? And what station is it? To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Saturday, May

12, 2012 10:44 PM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

My mother had Misophonia and was married to my father for over 50 years till he died 10 years ago. She was always annoyed at his noises and mentioned it often. That said, they adored each other and had a good marriage, despite the problem. My father was not a very patient easy going man, but he loved her so much that he just dealt with it. There never to my knowledge, was a blowup over this. I adore my wife as well, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, she loves me too and tolerates this problem. I am very lucky. There are worse issues that couples have to deal with. Alcoholism, infidelity, drug abuse, pornography addiction, you name it, but

ultimately those things are

more destructive to a relationship than this is. If you both love and care for each other, you can make it work, just takes a lot of open conversations about it and respectful accommodations. All of this recent media attentionshould make it easier for others to understand. Tape the upcoming 20/20 and look for subsequent articles on the internet. Good luck, it will work out.Mike To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 10:00 AM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

You sound like a wonderful person, and so does your husband. There are only rare occasions when I tell others about my misophonia, because I get angry if people make my trigger noises while knowing it causes me distress. If I trust someone and need their help in dealing with my problem, I have opened up with generally positive results.

If you fear that your husband will react negatively to the “rage†he will read about, the good news is that you have a history of maintaining your loving relationships despite this problem. One suggestion is to explain the reactions of people with misophonia in terms of fight-or-flight reflex, which makes clear the involuntary nature of the problem. It also suggests that anger is only one reaction; the one that you typically don’t exhibit.

If you and your husband need help coping with this admittedly difficult condition, you can explore couples therapy. A good therapist can suggest ways of coping, and can steer you and your husband around the pitfalls, including blame.

Above all, there is hope for a cure. Researchers are only starting on this problem, and they won’t stop. They get paid for this stuff.

Best hopes for a brighter future,

From: safesounds4all

Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 7:23 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Trying To Protect My Marriage

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. âHow can I marry someone â" the love of my life â" and be his âgood and safeâ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????â I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldnât take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction. Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, âWHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.âYes, it is not so great for a marriage when you canât hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasnât cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in âdangerâ and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.So I tell this long story to ask you if youâve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really canât help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as âmisophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

[Guest guest]

It is on ABC and last I heard it is supposed to be this Friday the 18th. Check your local listing. To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Sunday, May 13, 2012 4:12 PM Subject: Re: Trying To

Protect My Marriage

when is the 20/20 show on misophonia going to be again? And what station is it? To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Saturday, May

12, 2012 10:44 PM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

My mother had Misophonia and was married to my father for over 50 years till he died 10 years ago. She was always annoyed at his noises and mentioned it often. That said, they adored each other and had a good marriage, despite the problem. My father was not a very patient easy going man, but he loved her so much that he just dealt with it. There never to my knowledge, was a blowup over this. I adore my wife as well, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, she loves me too and tolerates this problem. I am very lucky. There are worse issues that couples have to deal with. Alcoholism, infidelity, drug abuse, pornography addiction, you name it, but

ultimately those things are

more destructive to a relationship than this is. If you both love and care for each other, you can make it work, just takes a lot of open conversations about it and respectful accommodations. All of this recent media attentionshould make it easier for others to understand. Tape the upcoming 20/20 and look for subsequent articles on the internet. Good luck, it will work out.Mike To:

Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 10:00 AM Subject: Re: Trying To Protect My Marriage

You sound like a wonderful person, and so does your husband. There are only rare occasions when I tell others about my misophonia, because I get angry if people make my trigger noises while knowing it causes me distress. If I trust someone and need their help in dealing with my problem, I have opened up with generally positive results.

If you fear that your husband will react negatively to the “rage†he will read about, the good news is that you have a history of maintaining your loving relationships despite this problem. One suggestion is to explain the reactions of people with misophonia in terms of fight-or-flight reflex, which makes clear the involuntary nature of the problem. It also suggests that anger is only one reaction; the one that you typically don’t exhibit.

If you and your husband need help coping with this admittedly difficult condition, you can explore couples therapy. A good therapist can suggest ways of coping, and can steer you and your husband around the pitfalls, including blame.

Above all, there is hope for a cure. Researchers are only starting on this problem, and they won’t stop. They get paid for this stuff.

Best hopes for a brighter future,

From: safesounds4all

Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 7:23 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Trying To Protect My Marriage

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents, and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known. However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them, though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed uncontrollably. âHow can I marry someone â" the love of my life â" and be his âgood and safeâ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????â I was devastated. In that moment, I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldnât take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best friend and future husband over this affliction. Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is, very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this, and one day last week said, âWHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.âYes, it is not so great for a marriage when you canât hardly look at your husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasnât cringing and eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks. He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage is in âdangerâ and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That sounds awful.So I tell this long story to ask you if youâve taken the approach of really sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you bring them into this? This thing they really canât help? I hate the idea of him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as âmisophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ. I do get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse, specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your relationship?

[Guest guest]

I have been married 29 years and misophonia has certain been a problem in our

relationship, but not an insurmountable one. My wife is not thrilled that I have

misophonia, but she accepts that I cannot help it and that it is not " personal " :

I hate the sounds, not the person making them. I understand that eating and

drinking sounds are natural, and I don't think she is making those sounds to

annoy me - she actually tries to minimise trigger sounds but it isn't always

possible to avoid them.

One aspect of marriage with misophonia: one of my daughters developed misophonia

when she was 13. My wife innocently pointed out some sound to my daughter, and

from then on she couldn't stop noticing it. I noticed she had inherited my

sensitivity when she began to thump the furniture angrily whenever she heard

sniffing or plate-scraping (age 14). She is better at managing it these days

(she's 19 now) and I have explained to her what I have learned about misophonia

from the web, so she needn't grow up in isolation and ignorance, as I did.

So now two in our family have misophonia, and two don't. But we are a close

family in many ways, despite the misophonia and my Asperger's Syndrome (Aspies

often stick to their families - we like familiarity).

>

> Thank you all so much for your responses to my post. They really provide so

much hope, especially hearing about how you or your parents have dealt with this

and been able to stay close and nurture your connection. I do believe that my

husband and I have a connection that can see through all of this, and I

appreciate the perspective about some of the other things we could be facing and

thankfully are not.