Trying To Protect My Marriage

[Guest guest]

Growing up, my misophonia was only triggered by my parents. I love my parents,

and they will always be two of the most wonderful people I have ever known.

However, the misophonia symptoms I experience in their presence have always been

and continue to be pure torture. I never desired being far away from them,

though when other life/professional goals took me to a different state, the

reality is that I got to experience relief in terms of misophonia. I dated the

man who is now my husband for about three years before the switch flipped. I

will never forget the evening I realized his behaviors would now trigger my

misophonia symptoms. He did not know this at the time, though I locked myself in

the bathroom, pounded on my thighs and stomach just to hit something and sobbed

uncontrollably. “How can I marry someone †" the love of my life †" and be

his ‘good and safe’ person when the basic sights and sounds of his existence

makes me want to run through a wall!!!!????†I was devastated. In that moment,

I prayed to God, I begged God, to take this condition away, and if He wouldn’t

take it away, to help me make it all work. I vowed that I would not lose my best

friend and future husband over this affliction.

Fast forward, and I have better phases than others. For quite a while, I chose

not to explain all of this to my husband. Then, finally I could tell that my odd

behavior (unfortunate cringing and looks of disgust) were more hurtful to him

than just taking the risk of explaining what is going on. He was, and always is,

very thoughtful, supportive, and loving. Sadly, as we all know, there is not

much HE can do to help things. However, he used to suck air through his teeth

after every meal, and actually, he trained himself to stop doing that, amazingly

enough. However, as we all know, it was not only that. I would say that some of

the worst triggers I experience with him now are actual sights. He used to do

this after meals, but now it is almost constant. He moves his lips all over the

place, as if he is sucking or licking his teeth, constantly. I just try my best

to look at him when he is speaking and when he does it, I try to calmly shut my

eyes for a few seconds. It is the best I can do. He has now caught on to this,

and one day last week said, “WHAT!? What is it that I am doing now? I can see

I make you cringe. I hate the thought of you cringing at me.â€

Yes, it is not so great for a marriage when you can’t hardly look at your

husband when he wants to talk to you. I also feel that it affects our

connection, even though, I tell you, he is the absolute love of my life. I

grieve over the ways I know we could be even closer if I wasn’t cringing and

eventually having to excuse myself and take a break from the room when he talks.

He is the most laid back and loving person, and I do not feel that our marriage

is in “danger†and yet I still ask myself, how much can one person take? Can

he take 40-50 more years of my impaired ability to interact with him? That

sounds awful.

So I tell this long story to ask you if you’ve taken the approach of really

sitting down with your spouse and going through the details of this condition

and really addressing it, embracing it, and understanding it together. Do you

bring them into this? This thing they really can’t help? I hate the idea of

him reading about misophonia and seeing some of the wording such as

“misophonia sufferers often feel violent towards their trigger peopleâ€. I do

get enraged, but truly not towards him. Towards him I feel sad. The sounds and

sights just make me want to rip off my ears and my eyeballs (and of course I do

not really want to do that). How do you approach this with your spouse,

specifically, in attempts to make things better, not worse for your

relationship?