4S and shaken baby syndrome

May 20, 2012

I know that research is very limited at this time about 4S, but I wanted to

bring up a possible link that may prove to be an incentive for research funding.

As I mentioned in my intro post, before I knew about 4S, my rage really

concerned me, as it hadn't always been there (adult onset). I attended anger

management classes when hubby and I started thinking of starting a family,

because I was very worried about how I'd react to a crying or whining baby.

The classes were insightful, but didn't help my reactions. They said to try to

count to 10 when I first notice the trigger, do something physical to get that

rage out, and it all sounded plausible except that there was no time between a

trigger and my reaction. I often wouldn't realize I was being triggered until

after I'd explode.

Nonetheless, after my anger management classes, we fostered a little girl for

almost a year. She was a screamer (not crier, mind you). I felt so guilty for

being glad that we were required to take her to daycare 5 days a week, and I'd

wait till the last moment to pick her up, so that we'd have a nice predictable

bedtime routine and she'd be to sleep. Whenever I was caring for her alone on a

weekend, it was insane. She'd scream over something, and I'd have to leave her

in the crib, close the door, put earplugs in and just walk around to try to

figure out what she may need. I knew I was at risk of potentially hurting her,

and it freaked me out. I did not like having to be alone with her for that

reason, bc if I didn't tend to her needs, no one else would.

Anyway, I did yell at her a few times as well, but I know it could've been a lot

worst. That's when I started to wonder about Shaken Baby Syndrome. I could

actually relate to what a caregiver must feel when they inadvertently shake a

child like that. You all know what I'm talking about, right? You hear the

trigger, and you Just. Want. It. To. Stop. Anyway, I felt so ashamed for my

reaction, and so scared for any children in my care, that we never fostered

again. We don't have kids, and I wonder if this may be for the best.

Did any of you who are older/have raised kids have your small children be a

trigger for you?

Recommended Posts