Re: [CRPS]rsd Questioning Pain (did't mean for it to be so long)

[Guest guest]

Hi Barbara,

Good to hear from you again. I deal with my

pain pretty much the same - I'm pretty quiet

but have learned to not let others belittle my

pain - you know those people who claim they

care. My in-laws are in that catagory. I talked

to my MIL today, and her comment about my

constant worsening pain was " oh, that's too

bad " after over my 3.5 yr battle. And if I'm in

need of something extra, I ask. If we don't

make our needs known, we'll be walked on

by certain uncaring people. I'm glad you've

learned to let your needs known and don't feel

bad for doing it, as am I. It's great, isn't it?

Hope you have a good weekend.

Take care,

Judy

[Guest guest]

Hi Barbara!

That wasn't too long at all! :-))

I think you have the right attitude. We're not superwomen (well, I'm close,

but not there yet! LOL)

I've always been a private person, but sometimes, you just need to ask for

help. I've learned, as well, that it doesn't make you selfish or less of a

person to ask for help. EVERYONE needs help occasionally and those who don't

are lying!

Thanks for your input. It helps me keep things in perspective. I've never

felt the need to ask others about these kinds of things, but that was a prior

life. LOL

Hugs!

Jo

Listowner

CRPSegroups

[Guest guest]

I think that part of my problem is I don't want to be to much of a bother.

So I don't ask as I am afraid over asking. And I guess I expect the people

around me to read my mind so that I won't have to ask! It is annoying to me

to have to keep asking for something that the person with me knows full well

I need help with. Does anyone know what I mean? It doesn't really take a

mindreader just a little consideration and then neither one of us is put on

the spot. Them, for being embarrassed that they didn't think to help and me

for having to ask.

I am lucky that I basically have one person caring for me so she mostly knows

what I need help with. And being in an electric cart when out really helps

give me some independence. And since it is mine and not the crappy

supermarket ones I can really zip along. Watch out shoppers, here I come!

Felice

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/7/00 11:06:00 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

felicet867@... writes:

<< It is annoying to me

to have to keep asking for something that the person with me knows full well

I need help with. Does anyone know what I mean? >>

Hi Felice,

I know exactly what you mean. I have just recently decided to say " yes " when

offered help. I went to my mother in-laws house after the part today. We were

all getting some cocktails and coffee. One of my sister in-laws offered to

get the cream for me and I said " thank-you. " It wasn't so hard after all!

Normally I would get it myself. I then find the other end of the spectrum. My

other sister in-law said " are you all right? " I said " no, I am not all right,

I am 45 years old and had my life stripped away from me 3 years ago. " That

was weird. I guess the pain got the best of me. I have never said anything

like that before, to anyone! Except you guys, that is.

You are lucky to have help, and your electric cart.

I just wish we could make people aware of how much it hurts to hide the pain.

I certainly try to hide it everywhere. I know this goes against the advise I

give to , but that is and her situation is different. Her

situation warrants complaining, whereas mine warrants hiding pain. I need to.

My children know how bad it is. They have read every thing they can about it.

Friends of my sons know. But I still try to hide it. Even with my husband. It

does not do anyone any good to complain.

I will however ask for things. I will ask a friend to just listen to me get

it all out, then carry on. This is a tough rode we have to travel guys but I

feel confident, that there will be something in the near future that will

help us. In the mean time, I am going to keep getting up and out, everyday,

pain or no pain. I don't want to atrophe.I want to try to keep some muscle

tone. It hurts like your exercycle hurts. I do not do any deliberate

exercise, just daily life is exercise enough. I will not lay in bed all day

again, until I WANT to. I hope that day comes soon.

Hugs,

Deb

[Guest guest]

I know exactly what you are saying Deb.

A] Living with two depressed people, severely clinically depressed

people, not just the blues or down days, has meant that for years I box

on, if any mention is needed, I will toss it off about my silly ankle,

or my silly...a they simply do not cope with me being less than 100%!

They are absolutely unable to cope if I allow something to get on top of

me i.e.: a bad pain day! Within their limitations, and is much

more able to did this than Winton, they care for and about me!

B] I must admit this has it's up side too. You are so busy convincing

them you are OK that you end up psyching yourself up too. If I do

indulge in a bad day all hell breaks loose so I simply don't! Not easy

but boy, does it keep me active!!

There have been mutterings about co dependency but my Doc who is a gem

and I have talked this through a number of times. They have a genuine

illness [asthma of the soul would change the whole connotation of

depression] and they need help to keep their lives level and stress

free. It is my choice to down play my problems because it MAKES my life

EASIER!! It keeps my two up emotionally. Now is into the city

studying, it is different but similar.

Winton will not often fill the coal bucket before he leaves for work, if

I forget to ask, he just does not think of it. There is an inability of

depressed people to put themselves in other people's shoes, their

concern is within +self+ not with others.

By the same token they do not treat me like a bit of s**t either, no

way, I retaliate fast and they learn this is not a good idea!

I also must say that my pain is not as severe obviously as many of you.

Why that is................?? I have wondered if running a farm is the

answer! Once I get the body rolling I am away! Some days it takes quite

some doing but you do it and each step improves.

, you are in an unenviable position! Stress WILL make your pain

worse. Stress can be a killer!!

Remember in our life we have choices. We make choices every day over

little things and big things. How old are your sons? They are not little

young boys from the sound of it. They need to learn stuff that only you

can teach them. You have the choice as to whether you allow them to

treat you badly or whether they treat you with respect. This is your

home and your life here. If the arguing and verbal violence [is there

physical violence] is getting beyond your control, leave for a few days.

It IS that simple. Take some *time out*. It impossible and quite easy to

do! Ring a woman's refuge and seek shelter for a few days. Do not warn

your family, just disappear. A refuge would take you in. After the

violence in my first marriage, I worked for a Refuge for years. Your

need is as great as some being used for a punching bag and in some cases

maybe more so! Your local church would know of a refuge. Give yourself

some time out. LET THEM STEW ALONE ALL TOGETHER for a few days min. It

could be a very salutary experience for them as well as being good for

you. It costs nothing either!

Good Luck

Margot

Re: rsd Questioning Pain (did't mean for it to be so

long)

> In a message dated 5/7/00 11:06:00 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

> felicet867@... writes:

>

> << It is annoying to me

> to have to keep asking for something that the person with me knows

full well

> I need help with. Does anyone know what I mean? >>

>

> Hi Felice,

> I know exactly what you mean. I have just recently decided to say

" yes " when

> offered help. I went to my mother in-laws house after the part today.

We were

> all getting some cocktails and coffee. One of my sister in-laws

offered to

> get the cream for me and I said " thank-you. " It wasn't so hard after

all!

> Normally I would get it myself. I then find the other end of the

spectrum. My

> other sister in-law said " are you all right? " I said " no, I am not all

right,

> I am 45 years old and had my life stripped away from me 3 years ago. "

That

> was weird. I guess the pain got the best of me. I have never said

anything

> like that before, to anyone! Except you guys, that is.

> You are lucky to have help, and your electric cart.

> I just wish we could make people aware of how much it hurts to hide

the pain.

> I certainly try to hide it everywhere. I know this goes against the

advise I

> give to , but that is and her situation is different. Her

> situation warrants complaining, whereas mine warrants hiding pain. I

need to.

> My children know how bad it is. They have read every thing they can

about it.

> Friends of my sons know. But I still try to hide it. Even with my

husband. It

> does not do anyone any good to complain.

> I will however ask for things. I will ask a friend to just listen to

me get

> it all out, then carry on. This is a tough rode we have to travel guys

but I

> feel confident, that there will be something in the near future that

will

> help us. In the mean time, I am going to keep getting up and out,

everyday,

> pain or no pain. I don't want to atrophe.I want to try to keep some

muscle

> tone. It hurts like your exercycle hurts. I do not do any deliberate

> exercise, just daily life is exercise enough. I will not lay in bed

all day

> again, until I WANT to. I hope that day comes soon.

> Hugs,

> Deb

>

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[Guest guest]

Margot,

What excellent advice for .

I am envious that you can still work your farm. At this point I am barely

standing and even brushing my horse is hard. If it where not the help of

other people I would have to give up this place.

, please consider what she says. Go away for a day or two. Everyone

will survive. I forget where you live but if you don't want to go to a

refuge you could come down to Florida and stay with me for a few days. It's

cooler here right now than in NYC and the weather is beautiful and it's very

soothing for your soul.

Felice

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/8/00 12:37:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

margot.robartes@... writes:

<< I also must say that my pain is not as severe obviously as many of you.

Why that is................?? I have wondered if running a farm is the

answer! Once I get the body rolling I am away! Some days it takes quite

some doing but you do it and each step improves. >>

Hi Margot,

You bring up a good point. If I get my body rolling early on in the day, I am

hardly able to fulfill the after school requirements. It is all I can do. I

have accepted this and arrange my day accordingly. I generally will do

laundry, bills, stock investigating, cleaning on the days the children don't

have activities.

I have learned that some days, I am only good for 3 to 4 hours. That is a

good day.

I guess it is like working, only not a job, job. It is certainly not a farm!

I just find your stamina to be admired. I don't know why some of us are lucky

enough, myself included to not require a wheelchair constantly like some of

my dear friends here on this list. It must be as hard for them to hear about

my activities, as limited some days as they are, as it is for me to hear that

you can tend the farm.

It is something I do not take for granted, but sometimes I just want to be

the old me, jogging my 5 miles a day. All I every wanted was to jog, be good

Mother, retire and dance with for ever.

I can live without the jogging part, right!Slow dancing is better anyway.

Thanks, even if you didn't know it, you did cheer me up a bit.

The only thing that I wish , is for all of us to have that one pain free

moment. At least once a day!

Hugs,

Deb

[Guest guest]

Yes Felice, I consider to be abused by her family. Not all abuse

is physical, some of the worst abuse is mental and emotional battering!

, I do hope you WILL take a few days out, if not a refuge, here is

Felice offering a few days with her! You need to step back from your

life and evaluate it. The stress will be causing your pain to be worse

than it need be.

However, it is ALL about choices isn't it. Just remember that YOU DO

ACTUALLY HAVE A CHOICE HERE and only YOU can make it my dear!

Margot

Re: rsd Questioning Pain (did't mean for it to be so

long)

> Margot,

> What excellent advice for .

> I am envious that you can still work your farm. At this point I am

barely

> standing and even brushing my horse is hard. If it where not the help

of

> other people I would have to give up this place.

> , please consider what she says. Go away for a day or two.

Everyone

> will survive. I forget where you live but if you don't want to go to

a

> refuge you could come down to Florida and stay with me for a few days.

It's

> cooler here right now than in NYC and the weather is beautiful and

it's very

> soothing for your soul.

> Felice

>

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