Re: Survival Rules

[Guest guest]

Eyre wrote:

> Except perhaps to withdraw from the lifestyle elements which you know

> cause you all those aggravations? Possible examples might be attending

> parties and celebrating Christmas. You feel driven to conform to the

> ways of the NT world and that's why you do them, but is this right?

Given the basic life skills examples she provided, withdrawing and

non-conformance are not really options. At least as long as she chooses

to live out in the big world where there are noisy people, stinky buses,

and all the sensory assaults of urban life.

She was very clear that she's not yet ready to become a hermit, so the

path you've chosen as best won't work for her.

Best,

~CJ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we

created them. " ~~ Albert Einstein

[Guest guest]

> Good advice....but everything seems to be for the young. Particularly

> the young who have someone to understand and teach them. What about us

> adults who never had those advantages - do we just give up?

No, no, don't give up, but I absolutely agree with you. It's all for

kids and we Aspie adults are left out in the cold.

> ........ I did all the right things - meditated, brought a book to read,

> crocheted, took deep breaths and tried to relax, all things which are

> calming some of the time....didn't work. But I don't really have any

> other options.

Except perhaps to withdraw from the lifestyle elements which you know

cause you all those aggravations? Possible examples might be attending

parties and celebrating Christmas. You feel driven to conform to the

ways of the NT world and that's why you do them, but is this right?

> A couple of years ago I was combing the area for any OT who worked

> with adults on sensory issues - nope, it's all kids.

Yep, totally agree, and the smaller the city you're in, the less

chance you have of finding any adult support. If you moved to a big

dirty noisy city, there'd be a better chance of finding adult support,

but that comes with all those extra sensory aggravations, so would it

be worth it?

> ...... But until I am ready to become a hermit in the wilderness,

Ah, well that's actually the solution I've chosen. It's quiet; nature

is all around, and there are no native English speakers to aggravate me

in the area at all! Why do we need all the hustle and bustle of city

life and all those people around??

> I still have to deal with crowds and noise and sunlight - and the fact

> that most of the people around Just Don't Get It. I hate sounding like

> I'm making excuses, especially when added to all the things I won't help

> with or volunteer for because of dyspraxia and executive dysfunction. I

> don't LOOK disabled.

No, you're not disabled, but like me, you're designed for life on a

different planet [grin]

> ...... First rule: there are exceptions to every rule, you have

> to be flexible. Okay, I can accept the need for flexibility and fitting

> the behavior to the situation - but nowhere do the authors explain how

> to figure out WHICH rules do or do not apply in a given setting!

Correct. Why follow other people's rules anyway? Better to make your

own rules and then work on making the necessary changes to your social

and your physical environment such that keeping those rules just comes

naturally to you.

> Things are worse than usual right now because I am in the middle of a

> move - and what with being disorganized, unbalanced, and undecided, it

> takes me ten times as long as anyone else. And because I can't afford to

> heat the new place, I am cold all the time. (Ironic, since I am usually

> too hot when everyone else is wearing sweaters. But 50 degrees is too

> cold even for me. )

If I change that 50°F to 10°C I might have written all of that above

paragraph myself, including your disorganised and undecided bits,

when I was living in my caravan in northern England last November and

early December. Undervest - shirt - two woolly sweaters and an anorak

on top, and two pairs of trousers below, coupled with the knowledge

that I was following my own home-made rules, kept me going between brink

walks and/or cycle rides to the bus stop. I'm content with what I did,

and I still have an unfinished bottle of heating and cooking propane

by the caravan to prove it

> So I'm in the market for answers. (Okay, I'd prefer a time machine. And

> understanding parents and teachers. But let's be realistic.)

Well to be honest, I don't know the answers because I'm not at all sure

that my chosen rules and lifestyle are the right ones anyway. I've

ended up isolated and lonely and it's hard to balance these negatives

against all the positive elements. There certainly are choices,

though, and I suppose it's just a matter of thinking them through

properly to know which way to head.

[Guest guest]

> I sometimes question what the point of conversation is, if I can't talk

> and it's not about subjects, but I want people to like me so I keep trying.

That's a good question, but what's the point of trying to get people to

like you if you don't have any topics of common interest to have

worthwhile conversations with them about?

Rather than wasting our time on trying to give a good impression to

people we're not really compatible with, wouldn't it be better spent in

the long run if we were more selective about who we choose to talk to?

OK, we can exchange a polite " good morning " with the obvious

incompatibles, but better if we use the time to concentrate more on the

interesting ones.

I know this List is all about relationships and some of what I'm saying

takes us away from the closer relationship direction, but it's no good

trying to flog a dead horse, is it!