Anger and the need to control

[Guest guest]

I recently read the following statement about anger: " We are rarely angry for

the reasons we think.' I began wondering if the anger triggered by various

sights and sounds is not really about the sight or the sound, but about a

need/desire to control a person or situation.

I do wonder why it tends to manifest in this way, but then I consider that there

are many different manifestations of the need to control, including anorexia,

agoraphobia, and the list goes on.

I do not have misophonia, but my ten year old does. When I recently suggested he

go to an ear doctor, he laughed and assured me that his problem had nothing to

do with his ears.

My observation is that my son does not have misophonia when things are going his

way. When his friends are around and they are laughing it up and having a good

time, he is fine. When he is bored, stressed, or tired misophonia sets in.

This is a problem when we travel. Long periods in a car are difficult for him.

But, when we were recently driving to his soccer tournament a few hours away, he

was so excited to be going that misophonia was not a problem as we snacked and

rose in the car together. The difference was that he had us all doing what HE

wanted to do and he was happy to be going to the tournament. He didn't need to

control anything because he was content.

Another example. He can become irritated at school during tests by the pencils

scratching on paper. My hypothesis is that he is frustrated by trying to make a

good grade and is somewhat resentful of his lack of control over the situation –

the questions on the test – the time he has left to finish, etc. This may come

out as an anger toward the sounds and movements going on around him. His desire

to control that is a mistaken thought that if he can control those things, he

will feel better.

This could explain why triggers can be both visual and audible and so varied

from person to person. They may be situational or related to people that cause

the need to control arise. If we could learn to identify what is really causing

the anger and address that or learn to live with it, then maybe we could let the

attachment to the sights and sounds go.

Many of you will disagree with me, but please do and explain. I am doing all I

can as a mom to try to help and understand my son.

Thanks!

Anne