I did something horrible that I'm ashamed of

[Guest guest]

I screamed a lot last night and woke my parents up. It wasn't because I had

nightmares, I had bad thoughts. They weren't scary, just bad thoughts about

myself and what I had done. While I was screaming my mom was mad and said that I

never think about anyone else but myself. I feel like I'm a bad person...I feel

like I'm a horrible person. Please comfort me...

[Guest guest]

Dear Ginny,

We all set goals for our behavior, and we all fall short of those goals

sometimes. I know you're trying to help your parents by not waking them up at

night, and some nights I'm sure you succeed. But bad thoughts that won't go away

can be as scary as nightmares.

When you wake up, nightmares begin to fade. But obsessively thinking bad

thoughts - thoughts like, " I am a bad person, " or, " Why did I do that

yesterday? " can happen at night or during the day. They're especially bad when

you're in bed at night and can't sleep, so you have nothing to do but think.

Sometimes we need to talk to someone else to interrupt our bad thoughts. That's

not a bad thing. It's important to get help when you need it. Some therapists

can offer you ways to interrupt the bad thoughts yourself, so that you can let

your parents sleep more often. At first this is very difficult, but with

practice, your abilities will improve.

My advice is for you to forgive yourself for falling short of your goals in the

past. When you think bad thoughts about yourself, try to replace them with

thoughts like, " I am a good person who is working to behave better, but I am

only human and will sometimes need to ask for help. " Or, " I don't like what I

just did, so I will try to do it differently next time. "

Try not to tell yourself that you did something horrible. Being woken up with

screams in the middle of the night is a little scary and quite annoying, but

it's not horrible or terrible. Words like that should be kept for really bad

stuff, like murder. Using them to describe your waking up your parents is part

of what makes the bad thoughts so painful. Would you tell a friend, " It was

terrible and horrible of you to call me up at 2AM, " or would that be an

overreaction?

You as a unique person have your own intrinsic worth, whether you are achieving

your behavior goals or not. You can always work to behave differently next time,

and there are many reasons to do that. But you yourself are irreplaceable and

precious to your parents. Try to remember that you are valuable even when your

behavior falls short. It happens to everyone.

Feel better. You deserve to forgive yourself and try again next time.

Dawn

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of Ginny McGill

Sent: Monday, April 02, 2012 1:26 PM

To: Autism Groups

Subject: I did something horrible that I'm ashamed

of

I screamed a lot last night and woke my parents up. It wasn't because I had

nightmares, I had bad thoughts. They weren't scary, just bad thoughts about

myself and what I had done. While I was screaming my mom was mad and said that I

never think about anyone else but myself. I feel like I'm a bad person...I feel

like I'm a horrible person. Please comfort me...

[Guest guest]

Ginny, you don't know me. I rare ly reply on here. I have a 16 yr. old daughter

who has autism. I agree with what Dawn has said to yhou. Not only do your

parents love you and value more than you will ever know, God Loves you and

Values you too . You are absolutely Precious to Him, no matter what your

thoughts or behaviors.

________________________________

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 3:17 PM

Subject: RE: I did something horrible that I'm

ashamed of

 

Dear Ginny,

We all set goals for our behavior, and we all fall short of those goals

sometimes. I know you're trying to help your parents by not waking them up at

night, and some nights I'm sure you succeed. But bad thoughts that won't go away

can be as scary as nightmares.

When you wake up, nightmares begin to fade. But obsessively thinking bad

thoughts - thoughts like, " I am a bad person, " or, " Why did I do that

yesterday? " can happen at night or during the day. They're especially bad when

you're in bed at night and can't sleep, so you have nothing to do but think.

Sometimes we need to talk to someone else to interrupt our bad thoughts. That's

not a bad thing. It's important to get help when you need it. Some therapists

can offer you ways to interrupt the bad thoughts yourself, so that you can let

your parents sleep more often. At first this is very difficult, but with

practice, your abilities will improve.

My advice is for you to forgive yourself for falling short of your goals in the

past. When you think bad thoughts about yourself, try to replace them with

thoughts like, " I am a good person who is working to behave better, but I am

only human and will sometimes need to ask for help. " Or, " I don't like what I

just did, so I will try to do it differently next time. "

Try not to tell yourself that you did something horrible. Being woken up with

screams in the middle of the night is a little scary and quite annoying, but

it's not horrible or terrible. Words like that should be kept for really bad

stuff, like murder. Using them to describe your waking up your parents is part

of what makes the bad thoughts so painful. Would you tell a friend, " It was

terrible and horrible of you to call me up at 2AM, " or would that be an

overreaction?

You as a unique person have your own intrinsic worth, whether you are achieving

your behavior goals or not. You can always work to behave differently next time,

and there are many reasons to do that. But you yourself are irreplaceable and

precious to your parents. Try to remember that you are valuable even when your

behavior falls short. It happens to everyone.

Feel better. You deserve to forgive yourself and try again next time.

Dawn

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of Ginny McGill

Sent: Monday, April 02, 2012 1:26 PM

To: Autism Groups

Subject: I did something horrible that I'm ashamed

of

I screamed a lot last night and woke my parents up. It wasn't because I had

nightmares, I had bad thoughts. They weren't scary, just bad thoughts about

myself and what I had done. While I was screaming my mom was mad and said that I

never think about anyone else but myself. I feel like I'm a bad person...I feel

like I'm a horrible person. Please comfort me...

[Guest guest]

Ginny, I think Dawn said it very well. I, as a parent, don't always

maintain control & yell but it doesn't mean that I don't love my daughter.

People are less in control when they are tired. When your mom yells, it

doesn't mean she doesn't love you but being woken up when she is sleeping

can be wearing. You don't mean to scream but it happens. It doesn't mean

you are a horrible person when you have a " bad " behavior. Just keep trying

to have behaviors that you feel good about & just keep trying to get better

with the others. All you can do is to keep on trying.

It might help if you write something to your mom explaining what's going on

in your head & you don't want to wake her up with your screams. Ask for

help during the day, on how to help you calm down at night.

Marie

On Mon, Apr 2, 2012 at 12:17 PM, Dawn Friedman wrote:

> Dear Ginny,

>

>

>

> We all set goals for our behavior, and we all fall short of those goals

> sometimes. I know you're trying to help your parents by not waking them up

> at

> night, and some nights I'm sure you succeed. But bad thoughts that won't

> go away

> can be as scary as nightmares.

>

>

>

> When you wake up, nightmares begin to fade. But obsessively thinking bad

> thoughts - thoughts like, " I am a bad person, " or, " Why did I do that

> yesterday? " can happen at night or during the day. They're especially bad

> when

> you're in bed at night and can't sleep, so you have nothing to do but

> think.

>

>

>

> Sometimes we need to talk to someone else to interrupt our bad thoughts.

> That's

> not a bad thing. It's important to get help when you need it. Some

> therapists

> can offer you ways to interrupt the bad thoughts yourself, so that you can

> let

> your parents sleep more often. At first this is very difficult, but with

> practice, your abilities will improve.

>

>

>

> My advice is for you to forgive yourself for falling short of your goals

> in the

> past. When you think bad thoughts about yourself, try to replace them with

> thoughts like, " I am a good person who is working to behave better, but I

> am

> only human and will sometimes need to ask for help. " Or, " I don't like

> what I

> just did, so I will try to do it differently next time. "

>

>

>

> Try not to tell yourself that you did something horrible. Being woken up

> with

> screams in the middle of the night is a little scary and quite annoying,

> but

> it's not horrible or terrible. Words like that should be kept for really

> bad

> stuff, like murder. Using them to describe your waking up your parents is

> part

> of what makes the bad thoughts so painful. Would you tell a friend, " It was

> terrible and horrible of you to call me up at 2AM, " or would that be an

> overreaction?

>

>

>

> You as a unique person have your own intrinsic worth, whether you are

> achieving

> your behavior goals or not. You can always work to behave differently next

> time,

> and there are many reasons to do that. But you yourself are irreplaceable

> and

> precious to your parents. Try to remember that you are valuable even when

> your

> behavior falls short. It happens to everyone.

>

>

>

> Feel better. You deserve to forgive yourself and try again next time.

>

>

>

> Dawn

>

>

>

> From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> [mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of Ginny

> McGill

> Sent: Monday, April 02, 2012 1:26 PM

> To: Autism Groups

> Subject: I did something horrible that I'm

> ashamed

> of

>

>

>

>

>

> I screamed a lot last night and woke my parents up. It wasn't because I had

> nightmares, I had bad thoughts. They weren't scary, just bad thoughts about

> myself and what I had done. While I was screaming my mom was mad and said

> that I

> never think about anyone else but myself. I feel like I'm a bad person...I

> feel

> like I'm a horrible person. Please comfort me...

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes I feel the same way. You are NOT a bad person. It's hard to deal with

bad thoughts and everyone comforts themselves in different ways. Did you explain

to your mom why you did what you did? I am sure she will understand. The fact

that you are writing to us about this shows you have a big heart and you are

very caring. BIG HUGS TO YOU GINNY!!!!!

Tina

I did something horrible that I'm ashamed

of

To: Autism Groups

> I screamed a lot last night and woke my parents up. It wasn't

> because I had nightmares, I had bad thoughts. They weren't

> scary, just bad thoughts about myself and what I had done. While

> I was screaming my mom was mad and said that I never think about

> anyone else but myself. I feel like I'm a bad person...I feel

> like I'm a horrible person. Please comfort me...

>

>