Re: Social cues as an adult

[Guest guest]

Our Therapist was trained by in something called Behavior modification. I guess

she studied under the person that created it. It has worked wonders for him. If

you like I will ask her what the name of the person was and the book. I will

post it for you when I see her this week. Good luck

>

> I'm recently back on the list. My husband and I are in couple's counseling,

finally with an astute psychologist who misses very little. My husband is " on

the cusp " of Asperger's ( " on the cusp " being the phrase the doc used to my

husband; I'd say it's more than that); it's the first time anyone but me has

used the term to him. It was actually a relief to me to hear it confirmed by a

professional.

>  

> My husband misses and/or ignores (it's sometimes hard to tell) social cues:

what's being communicated in tone of voice, what might be the appropriate

reactions, when it's time to talk, when he or someone else sounds angry and so

on.... I know that kids are sometimes tutored in social skills, but here's my

husband as an adult in a similiar situation with a doc offering similiar to him.

>  

> Does anyone here have any first-hand or second-hand experience with learning

these things as an adult? My husband is motivated for now, but I don't know

whether or not this is something he can do -- or when the motivation might give

in to frustration.

>  

> Thanks for any comments you can offer.

>  

> pinot

>

[Guest guest]

I'd be interested in knowing; thanks! pinot To: aspires-relationships Sent: Saturday, January 7, 2012 7:25 AM Subject: Re: Social cues as an adult

Our Therapist was trained by in something called Behavior modification. I guess she studied under the person that created it. It has worked wonders for him. If you like I will ask her what the name of the person was and the book. I will post it for you when I see her this week. Good luck

>

> I'm recently back on the list. My husband and I are in couple's counseling, finally with an astute psychologist who misses very little. My husband is "on the cusp" of Asperger's ("on the cusp" being the phrase the doc used to my husband; I'd say it's more than that); it's the first time anyone but me has used the term to him. It was actually a relief to me to hear it confirmed by a professional.

>

> My husband misses and/or ignores (it's sometimes hard to tell) social cues: what's being communicated in tone of voice, what might be the appropriate reactions, when it's time to talk, when he or someone else sounds angry and so on.... I know that kids are sometimes tutored in social skills, but here's my husband as an adult in a similiar situation with a doc offering similiar to him.

>

> Does anyone here have any first-hand or second-hand experience with learning these things as an adult? My husband is motivated for now, but I don't know whether or not this is something he can do -- or when the motivation might give in to frustration.

>

> Thanks for any comments you can offer.

>

> pinot

>

[Guest guest]

I learned about behavior modificaion online and didn't go rhough a book. I have

both AS and Adult AD/HD. I used behavior mod for the AD/HD primarily, and saw

where it helped me in that regard. As for AS, I would say that behavior mod

helped me in terms of knowing what is and what is not socially acceptable and in

mimicing good behaviors.

My best friend appreciates me, because she sees that I provide " acts of service "

on a consistent and continued basis towards her. She has seen how I grown over

time to be where I am now. She and I are extremely alike. We were born 100

miles apart from each other in the same part of the country, with same kinds of

values. We have similar educational levels (graduate degrees in education).

We are both on the Spectrum (me as AS-Adult AD/HD, her as fully AD/HD), and have

accomplished much in our lives. We are both very giving people, and believe in

the principles of frugality (e.g. going to thrift stores, as opposed to buying

everything brand new). We both became members of the same place of fellowship a

few weeks ago at the same service, and have the same zodiac symbol.

Anyone who has seen her and me together thinks we have been together forever.

However, it's only been about a year. We get along extremely well together, and

see life in a humorous way that others might not. Even with the simplicities of

life. We are very understanding of each other, and the importance of sacrifice

to making a friendship like hers and mine work. She and I have thought about

working together and creating/running a foundation or something to do with

couples. Oh by the way, we were sitting in her garage last night in chairs we

bought from a thrift store earlier in the day, just commenting about headlines

and all.

What helps a guy with AS in a relationship?

Encouragement and support. Anyone living with AS understands the daily

challenges associated with it. We don't need people mothering us or being

parental figures to us in a relationship as such. I appreciate the

encouragement my best friend provides me, because I realize how much she loves

me. I am not perfect and have made many mistakes, but I am perfect in her eyes

because of how she feels of the way I have treated her (and she reminds me of

it).

In terms of behavior mod, I feel that people with AS can learn what it means to

be in a relationship where both people are cherished and loved. Maybe it's not

how society sees things, but I don't what care what society thinks of my best

friend and me. When my time comes, do you think society is going to stop all of

a sudden to salute the positive things I did to help create change and or to

make a change in people's lives? Seriously not. My definition of success is to

do the very best I could that day. That includes modifying my behavior. People

and couples are looking for positive examples of others, espcially in the type

of relationship where at least one person grew up with " special needs. "

I'll stop at this and wish everyone well.

, officially dx'd in 2007

> >

> > I'm recently back on the list. My husband and I are in couple's counseling,

finally with an astute psychologist who misses very little. My husband is " on

the cusp " of Asperger's ( " on the cusp " being the phrase the doc used to my

husband; I'd say it's more than that); it's the first time anyone but me has

used the term to him. It was actually a relief to me to hear it confirmed by a

professional.

> > �

> > My husband misses and/or ignores (it's sometimes hard to tell) social cues:

what's being communicated in tone of voice, what might be the appropriate

reactions, when it's time to talk, when he or someone else sounds angry and so

on.... I know that�kids are sometimes tutored in social skills, but here's my

husband as an adult in�a similiar situation with a doc offering similiar to

him.

> > �

> > Does anyone here have any first-hand or second-hand�experience with

learning these things as an adult? My husband is motivated for now,�but I

don't know whether or not this is something he can do -- or when the motivation

might give in to frustration.

> > �

> > Thanks for any comments you can offer.

> > �

> > pinot

> >

>