Re: Survival Rules/Liz

[Guest guest]

> This is true. Unfortunately, " shut up and act normal, no one else is

complaining about it " is not really viable as a long-term solution, either. How

do you find a middle ground?

Yeah … say that to someone fighting off as sensory meltdown and you're likely to

get slammed, and hard.

> How does one deal with sensory issues, social overload, conflicting demands,

and constant changes without reaching the point of meltdown?

It's easiest to learn when you are young … basically, you learn to read your own

body's signals before you get to the point of meltdown, and either alert those

around you or take steps yourself to avoid the problem.

I am not prone to meltdowns, but I do have sensory issues. Here's an example

from this afternoon. My daughter and I went to the supermarket, which was very

crowded. I dislike marketing at the best of times, and hate crowds -- but we

needed food.

When we entered the store, I told Ocelot (my daughter's online pseudonym) that

if I got aggressive with the shopping cart, to take it away from me. She gave me

an odd look, and I said " When I get overwhelmed in a store, I tend to become a

reckless driver with the shopping cart. Please take the cart from me if I start

getting mean. " I was fine, but putting her on alert was helpful.

An excellent book on this subject is _Raising Your Spirited Kid_ by

Kurchinka. This is an old (1990s) classic on helping intense kids manage their

intensity in socially acceptable ways. If you have kids, buy a copy. If not, and

the material interests you, get it from the library.

--Liz

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[Guest guest]

Good advice....but everything seems to be for the young. Particularly the young who have someone to understand and teach them. What about us adults who never had those advantages - do we just give up?Some situations are unavoidable. Most of the time if I am going somewhere, I have to take the bus. Noise, crowds, confusion, and secondhand smoke. Friday I spent some six hours on the bus or at bus stops with traffic whizzing by (an auditory AND visual stressor - even when I am not trying to cross a street and wondering if cars will stop for me or not.) By the time I was waiting for the last bus, I was definitely coming unglued. I did all the right things - meditated, brought a book to read, crocheted, took deep breaths and tried to relax, all things which are calming some of the time....didn't work. But I don't really have any other options.I've tried to find help. There was the therapist who told me I needed to wear blue jeans. The current one (it's not her fault she's a two-hour bus ride and a half hour walking in city traffic) is nice, and has experience with AS, supposedly, but is much better at listening and being supportive than coaching or finding solutions to problems. A couple of years ago I was combing the area for any OT who worked with adults on sensory issues - nope, it's all kids.Yes, I'm learning to know when I can't cope. Sometimes before it gets out of hand. But until I am ready to become a hermit in the wilderness, I still have to deal with crowds and noise and sunlight - and the fact that most of the people around Just Don't Get It. I hate sounding like I'm making excuses, especially when added to all the things I won't help with or volunteer for because of dyspraxia and executive dysfunction. I don't LOOK disabled. And I still haven't found a book which addresses my issues. As I said, they are all for parents of kids on the spectrum, not for us poor benighted adults who are on our own. And even then....I was just rereading Unwritten Rules. First rule: there are exceptions to every rule, you have to be flexible. Okay, I can accept the need for flexibility and fitting the behavior to the situation - but nowhere do the authors explain how to figure out WHICH rules do or do not apply in a given setting! Things are worse than usual right now because I am in the middle of a move - and what with being disorganized, unbalanced, and undecided, it takes me ten times as long as anyone else. And because I can't afford to heat the new place, I am cold all the time. (Ironic, since I am usually too hot when everyone else is wearing sweaters. But 50 degrees is too cold even for me. ) So I'm in the market for answers. (Okay, I'd prefer a time machine. And understanding parents and teachers. But let's be realistic.)Andromeda> To: aspires-relationships > Date: Sun, 8 Jan 2012 21:39:25 -0500> Subject: Re: Survival Rules/Liz> > > > > This is true. Unfortunately, "shut up and act normal, no one else is complaining about it" is not really viable as a long-term solution, either. How do you find a middle ground?> > Yeah … say that to someone fighting off as sensory meltdown and you're likely to get slammed, and hard.> > > How does one deal with sensory issues, social overload, conflicting demands, and constant changes without reaching the point of meltdown?> > It's easiest to learn when you are young … basically, you learn to read your own body's signals before you get to the point of meltdown, and either alert those around you or take steps yourself to avoid the problem.> > I am not prone to meltdowns, but I do have sensory issues. Here's an example from this afternoon. My daughter and I went to the supermarket, which was very crowded. I dislike marketing at the best of times, and hate crowds -- but we needed food.> > When we entered the store, I told Ocelot (my daughter's online pseudonym) that if I got aggressive with the shopping cart, to take it away from me. She gave me an odd look, and I said "When I get overwhelmed in a store, I tend to become a reckless driver with the shopping cart. Please take the cart from me if I start getting mean." I was fine, but putting her on alert was helpful.> > An excellent book on this subject is _Raising Your Spirited Kid_ by Kurchinka. This is an old (1990s) classic on helping intense kids manage their intensity in socially acceptable ways. If you have kids, buy a copy. If not, and the material interests you, get it from the library.> > --Liz> > > > ----------> Cartesian Bear at Zazzle: Shirts and Gifts: http://www.zazzle.com/cartesianbear?rf=238831668488066559> Zazzle Coupons: http://www.zazzle.com/coupons?rf=238831668488066559 > > Knit Suite: Mobile Apps for Knitters http://knitsuite.polymathsolution.com> > Gifts for Knitters: http://www.squidoo.com/gifts-for-knitters> > > > ------------------------------------> > "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.> Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony > It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.> We all contribute to the song of life."> ...Sondra > > We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.> > ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.> Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author.> Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission.> When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at:> http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm> ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER> http://www.aspires-relationships.com>

[Guest guest]

I don't have a problem with reading books about children, so much as translating them into my situation when they all assume a NT adult as interpreter and advocate. And it's all very well to recognize your body's signals....but then what do you DO about it? And how do you do this while trying harder and moving beyond your comfort zone?Andromeda> To: aspires-relationships > Date: Sun, 8 Jan 2012 18:30:49 -0800> Subject: Re: Survival Rules/Liz> > Liz Cademy wrote:> > > > It's easiest to learn when you are young … basically, you learn to read your own body's signals before you get to the point of meltdown, and either alert those around you or take steps yourself to avoid the problem.> > Well expressed, Liz. Some aspects of this I learned when I was young. > The rest, bit by bit over time.> > Learning to live with OCD has helped me a great deal, as it requires > that I become very mindful of my body's signals.> > > > I am not prone to meltdowns, but I do have sensory issues. > > Same here.> > > > An excellent book on this subject is _Raising Your Spirited Kid_ by Kurchinka. This is an old (1990s) classic on helping intense kids manage their intensity in socially acceptable ways. > > Sounds like a good book for adults who also struggle in this area. One > of the things I like about children's books is that they break the > lesson down to its smallest elements, which many people need with topics > they find difficult.> > Unfortunately, adults can be resistant to reading such books, sometimes > to the point where they feel insulted by the mere suggestion that they > might benefit from a children's book!> > > Best,> ~CJ> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~> > "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we > created them." ~~ Albert Einstein> > > > ------------------------------------> > "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.> Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony > It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.> We all contribute to the song of life."> ...Sondra > > We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.> > ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.> Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author.> Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission.> When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at:> http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm> ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER> http://www.aspires-relationships.com>