Re: Re: More on Sight

[Guest guest]

Perfect way to describe that look! To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:47 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it with immediate family members and been in your exact position. The anticipation of being around them when you know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at you like you have just asked them to remove their left ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm happy to report that my daughter and I have worked through this

problem. While it's not very reassuring, I told her that I could not

guarantee that it will not happen again, but that I will try hard to

make sure it doesn't. Hopefully I can. I really thinks she

understands.

Since I'm not one to complain about the things that are bugging me,

she had no clue how short my fuse was. Now she knows.

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it

with immediate family members and been in your exact

position. The anticipation of being around them when you

know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but

whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite

you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you

turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at

you like you have just asked them to remove their left

ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to

try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some

reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23

year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing

gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused,

and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started

chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I

got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and

I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing

it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone

to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and

I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress

in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The

bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

[Guest guest]

I believe that like many other interpersonal situations, it's best to address an issue BEFORE we get angry and lose it. I know it's easier said than done but I usually try to address the situation right away with my family members. Yesterday, I was driving my 14 year old son to the bus terminal and he was chewing and chomping away at a gum. I asked him to stop. He would stomp chomping for a few seconds and would start again. I was in traffic; it was f...ing hot and here I was with this kid (who is by all accounts a great kid). I was ready to lose it and start screaming. Then, I

took a DEEP BREATH and said " I've asked you to stop chewing so loudly because you already know that your gum chewing bothers me... could you please chew with your mouth closed if you want to keep your gum." I was NOT accusatory. He opened the window and spit out his gum. He wasn't angry or defensive. He just said "oh right, it's that misophonia thing."I really believe that like anything else, it's best to ask without accusing before we become too emotional. I also believe that we should never, never, never ask someone to stop doing something as though they're doing something wrong. I try to address it as, Hey, I know you're not purposefully doing what you're doing, but it's bothering ME, so could you

please do it quietly .Of course, in some cases, we just can't do that. I think that certain people will understand, others won't and I don't even bother trying with others. I just flee with the latter before losing it -- if I can.Margaret To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Friday, July 6, 2012 2:28:24 AM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

Perfect way to describe that look! To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:47 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it with immediate family members and been in your exact position. The anticipation of being around them when you know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at you like you have just asked them to remove their left ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, I understand that in certain cases it's better to say nothing and to simply avoid or depart the situation. Certain people will understand, others won't. I guess it's really up to us to gage who we can ask and who we can't ask.The problem with misophonia is that we unfortunately can't control the sounds made by others. However, as I've said before on this topic, I have found that taking some control back over a situation does help overcome some of the panic and desperation.As far as my I'm concerned, I have found that part of the agony with triggers is compounded by the feeling of being helpless and not in control of a situation which is bothersome to me. I think that the anger

and rage set off by the trigger are tied to the feeling that we can't control the situation or the person causing the trigger. I've felt that taking back some control (if at all possible) usually will diminish the rage and anger. I think that this is why we feel better when we simply flee the situation (if all else fails). I think that this is why misophonia is such a bugger. We can't always tell people to stop doing what they're doing cause their sounds bother us. We have no control over them nor the sounds they make, thereby making us feel even more desperate and helpless.I believe that part of the coping mechanism is to resotre some control - even a tiny bit - may help. Ih has int the past for

me.Margaret To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Friday, July 6, 2012 1:47:34 AM Subject: Re: More on Sight

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it with immediate family members and been in your exact position. The anticipation of being around them when you know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at you like you have just asked them to remove their left ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

[Guest guest]

I am surprised he is even allowed to chew gum around you. Eating he has to do, but chewing gum , at least when he is around you, and especially in a car , I would think would be a no-no. Some things we can control. I am sure he will understand that he is not doing anything wrong. It is not an abuse of power at all. I don't mean in any way to offend you and I may have so I am sorry. My kids never chewed gum around me. They just knewhow much it bothered me. If only we could do that with everyone. Mike To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 6:29 AM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

I believe that like many other interpersonal situations, it's best to address an issue BEFORE we get angry and lose it. I know it's easier said than done but I usually try to address the situation right away with my family members. Yesterday, I was driving my 14 year old son to the bus terminal and he was chewing and chomping away at a gum. I asked him to stop. He would stomp chomping for a few seconds and would start again. I was in traffic; it was f...ing hot and here I was with this kid (who is by all accounts a great kid). I was ready to lose it and

start screaming. Then, I

took a DEEP BREATH and said " I've asked you to stop chewing so loudly because you already know that your gum chewing bothers me... could you please chew with your mouth closed if you want to keep your gum." I was NOT accusatory. He opened the window and spit out his gum. He wasn't angry or defensive. He just said "oh right, it's that misophonia thing."I really believe that like anything else, it's best to ask without accusing before we become too emotional. I also believe that we should never, never, never ask someone to stop doing something as though they're doing something wrong. I try to address it as, Hey, I know you're not purposefully doing what you're doing, but it's bothering ME, so could you

please do it quietly .Of course, in some cases, we just can't do that. I think that certain people will understand, others won't and I don't even bother trying with others. I just flee with the latter before losing it -- if I can.Margaret To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Friday, July 6, 2012 2:28:24 AM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

Perfect way to describe that look! To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:47 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it with immediate family members and been in your exact position. The anticipation of being around them when you know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at you like you have just asked them to remove their left ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Mike,I'm not at all offended. I don't feel it's right to prohibit my son from chewing gum, especially when I'm chewing gum around him. Granted, I am mindful of the fact that certain people chew like horses so I am very careful and my gum chewing doesn't seem to bother him. I haven't been particularly forceful about the issue but I will put my foot down if he persists on chewing without consideration around me. Also, I think it's absolutely awful for anyone to chew and chomp like a horse. Thanks for your comment Mike,Margaret To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 4:13:38 PM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

I am surprised he is even allowed to chew gum around you. Eating he has to do, but chewing gum , at least when he is around you, and especially in a car , I would think would be a no-no. Some things we can control. I am sure he will understand that he is not doing anything wrong. It is not an abuse of power at all. I don't mean in any way to offend you and I may have so I am sorry. My kids never chewed gum around me. They just knewhow much it bothered me. If only we could do that with everyone. Mike To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 6:29 AM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

I believe that like many other interpersonal situations, it's best to address an issue BEFORE we get angry and lose it. I know it's easier said than done but I usually try to address the situation right away with my family members. Yesterday, I was driving my 14 year old son to the bus terminal and he was chewing and chomping away at a gum. I asked him to stop. He would stomp chomping for a few seconds and would start again. I was in traffic; it was f...ing hot and here I was with this kid (who is by all accounts a great kid). I was ready to lose it and

start screaming. Then, I

took a DEEP BREATH and said " I've asked you to stop chewing so loudly because you already know that your gum chewing bothers me... could you please chew with your mouth closed if you want to keep your gum." I was NOT accusatory. He opened the window and spit out his gum. He wasn't angry or defensive. He just said "oh right, it's that misophonia thing."I really believe that like anything else, it's best to ask without accusing before we become too emotional. I also believe that we should never, never, never ask someone to stop doing something as though they're doing something wrong. I try to address it as, Hey, I know you're not purposefully doing what you're doing, but it's bothering ME, so could you

please do it quietly .Of course, in some cases, we just can't do that. I think that certain people will understand, others won't and I don't even bother trying with others. I just flee with the latter before losing it -- if I can.Margaret To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Friday, July 6, 2012 2:28:24 AM Subject: Re:

Re: More on Sight

Perfect way to describe that look! To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thursday, July 5, 2012 9:47 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

Gum is my worst trigger as well. I have as well lost it with immediate family members and been in your exact position. The anticipation of being around them when you know it will occur and you try to brace yourself but whatever you do doesn't work. It seem like the more polite you are in defering or preventing the trigger the more you turn out to be the fly in the punch bowl. People look at you like you have just asked them to remove their left ear, when all you have done is make a simple request to try and save your own sanity.

>

> My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

>

> Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> sometimes life just sucks.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think that I should deprive myself from chewing gum in front of my son because he doesn't chew properly. I understand where you're coming from but I disagree with you. Firstly, I do feel that parents should set an example for just about everything. I am a staunch believer of this. However, the chewing in itself doesn't bother me as much as when he chews with his mouth open. I feel that he should be able to chew gum around me as long as he chews properly. In any case, I think that he needs to understand that regardless of whose presence he's

in while chewing gum, he needs to command a certain level of etiquette. Margaret To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 10:49:12 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

I don't endorse littering. I would prefer that people not spit out their gum on a public roadway, but rather wrap it in a scrap of paper and dispose of it properly.

I think the question of whether misophonics do or don't allow their kids to chew gum around them is a fascinating one. It seems relatively effortless for a kid not to chew gum, while making a massive difference to the misophonic. The benefit from such a minor effort is vast, so that seems a no-brainer, at least in my book.

It also seems fairly easy for the parents not to chew gum. That way, there is no problem with someone "getting" to chew gum while someone else doesn't "get" to. But I suspect this is as much a family dynamic issue as a miso issue. Margaret, it seems like you have a very mild case.

> >

> > My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> > SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> > having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> > minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> > swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> > point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> > room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> > angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

> >

> > Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> > to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> > With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> > particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> > sometimes life just sucks.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't chew gum because the gum of others drives me crazy. I also don't feel deprived. My children are not permitted to chew gum around me and my husband is kind enough to forgo it as well. Your family should be as kind to you as you are to them.

I don't think that I should deprive myself from chewing gum in front of my son because he doesn't chew properly. I understand where you're coming from but I disagree with you. Firstly, I do feel that parents should set an example for just about everything. I am a staunch believer of this. However, the chewing in itself doesn't bother me as much as when he chews with his mouth open. I feel that he should be able to chew gum around me as long as he chews properly. In any case, I think that he needs to understand that regardless of whose presence he's

in while chewing gum, he needs to command a certain level of etiquette. Margaret To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 10:49:12 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

I don't endorse littering. I would prefer that people not spit out their gum on a public roadway, but rather wrap it in a scrap of paper and dispose of it properly.

I think the question of whether misophonics do or don't allow their kids to chew gum around them is a fascinating one. It seems relatively effortless for a kid not to chew gum, while making a massive difference to the misophonic. The benefit from such a minor effort is vast, so that seems a no-brainer, at least in my book.

It also seems fairly easy for the parents not to chew gum. That way, there is no problem with someone "getting" to chew gum while someone else doesn't "get" to. But I suspect this is as much a family dynamic issue as a miso issue. Margaret, it seems like you have a very mild case.

> >

> > My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> > SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> > having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> > minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> > swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> > point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> > room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> > angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

> >

> > Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> > to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> > With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> > particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> > sometimes life just sucks.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , I like to chew gum on coccasion and unlike yourself, don't see why I should deprive myself. I think you a great family that supports you. Congratulations. I will be more forceful with my son in the futureie; chew gum in front of me IF you chew it properly, otherwise NO GUM.Thanks ,Margaret

To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Cc: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Sunday, July 8, 2012 9:12:19 AM Subject: Re: Re: More on Sight

I don't chew gum because the gum of others drives me crazy. I also don't feel deprived. My children are not permitted to chew gum around me and my husband is kind enough to forgo it as well. Your family should be as kind to you as you are to them.

I don't think that I should deprive myself from chewing gum in front of my son because he doesn't chew properly. I understand where you're coming from but I disagree with you. Firstly, I do feel that parents should set an example for just about everything. I am a staunch believer of this. However, the chewing in itself doesn't bother me as much as when he chews with his mouth open. I feel that he should be able to chew gum around me as long as he chews properly. In any case, I think that he needs to understand that regardless of whose presence he's

in while chewing gum, he needs to command a certain level of etiquette. Margaret To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, July 7, 2012 10:49:12 PM Subject: Re: More on Sight

I don't endorse littering. I would prefer that people not spit out their gum on a public roadway, but rather wrap it in a scrap of paper and dispose of it properly.

I think the question of whether misophonics do or don't allow their kids to chew gum around them is a fascinating one. It seems relatively effortless for a kid not to chew gum, while making a massive difference to the misophonic. The benefit from such a minor effort is vast, so that seems a no-brainer, at least in my book.

It also seems fairly easy for the parents not to chew gum. That way, there is no problem with someone "getting" to chew gum while someone else doesn't "get" to. But I suspect this is as much a family dynamic issue as a miso issue. Margaret, it seems like you have a very mild case.

> >

> > My worst trigger of all is popping gum. For some reason, it's a mild trigger to

> > SEE anyone in my family chewing gum. Last night my 23 year old daughter was

> > having a talk with her mother and me. She was chewing gum. After about 10

> > minutes, I asked her to spit out it out. She paused, and I thought she was

> > swallowing it. A couple of minutes later, she started chewing again. At that

> > point, I told her the conversation was over, and I got up to walk out of the

> > room. Unfortunately, my anger got the best of me, and I was got very loud and

> > angry (according to ABC's "20/20", I was "losing it.")

> >

> > Today has been a horrible day. My daughter has gone to live with her boyfriend

> > to get away from me. Everyone's mad at everyone, and I'm the bad guy, of course.

> > With a terminally ill brother, I have a lot of stress in my life. I'm

> > particularly sensitive to triggers right now. The bottom line, though, is that

> > sometimes life just sucks.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. If it is a trigger for me ,it only makes sense to not do it around others. I used to eat almonds and bite my nails. It was torture for my daughter so I stopped. She warns me if she is about to eat something crunchy. We get along much better when we are together if we are considerate. in Ca

I don't chew gum because the gum of others drives me crazy. I also don't feel deprived. My children are not permitted to chew gum around me and my husband is kind enough to forgo it as well. Your family should be as kind to you as you are to them.

[Guest guest]

Yes!

Missy

However, the chewing in itself doesn't bother me as much as when he chews with his mouth open. I feel that he should be able to chew gum around me as long as he chews properly. In any case, I think that he needs to understand that regardless of whose presence he's in while chewing gum, he needs to command a certain level of etiquette.