AS wives with NT partners/husbands

March 10, 2012

Hello all,

I am new to this group and have searched through the previous posted topics with

no luck. I am a 31 year old, NT female in a 9 year relationship with an AS

female (doctors suggested years ago, when our son was getting his diagnosis,

that the " apple doesn't fall far from the tree " . After a recent Neurology

appointment, with our son, we realized AS might be a bigger reality than we had

initially thought. My partner has since spent hours researching and taking Aspie

tests and has become very aware of how Aspie she is) As I mentioned, we have a

11 year old AS son, who is biologically my partners.

Where to begin... I guess I am looking for help. Our relationship has become

very strained and we are grasping at straws to understand each other. We love

each other very much and when we are not arguing, we genuinely enjoy each

other's company and laugh often. Neither one of us are at the point where we

want the relationship to end. Over the years my partner's ability to cope,

communicate and manage difficulties has decreased significantly. Is this a

common issue with AS? Why did she seem like such a different person 9 years ago?

I am no angel and have made some mistakes along the way, which have had a large

impact on the relationship, but I find the inability for my partner to forgive

me, recognize my growth or trust me to not hurt her again in that way very

detrimental to our growth as a couple.

Are there any other members that are or have been in a lesbian relationship (AS

or NT)? Most of the information I have been able to find is regarding AS

husbands and I find that AS women are different in lots of ways. I have found

very little information on AS wives. As a NT, I find lesbian relationships

difficult to understand/navigate. Throw in an anxiety disorder on my end and AS

on my partners end and it's even more difficult to navigate.

To compound difficulties we just moved across the U.S. We have found the move to

be very isolating for us as we moved from an extremely urban area (greater Los

Angeles metro area) to a much less urban area (Hampton Roads, VA). We have not

been able to find a couples therapist with AS experience. We really want to

learn how to communicate with each other and most of the articles I have read

on-line scare me into thinking an AS/NT marriage is " impossible " . Please say it

isn't so. I want to have a healthy, happy relationship with my partner. What can

we do?

Thanks for reading.

KC

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