Re: Vipassana Meditation - my experience for anyone interested

[Guest guest]

" It was anything but quiet. It was like being 'quietly' tortured. Several times

I went to the teacher and, in tears, begged to be allowed to meditate in a

'cell' (private / soundproof room). She insisted I 'benefited from the strength

of the group'. "

-Kitty

If the world were mostly made up of people with misophonia, do you think these

practices would have even been thought up? Your teacher is just repeaping the

same thing that every other freaking person says: You don't like people? Deal

with it cuz that's just the way we roll. I'm sorry but I have difficulty

respecting any of this. If it was helpful at all, then it's difficult not to

suspect that a therapist schooled in anger/anxiety wouldn't have also helped you

to 'come down' from reactions after they've already happened. All this stuff

extends from religion and creating a mind-bending situation.

[Guest guest]

Hello Kitty,

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is difficult when in a religious

situation as the deviation from the norm is seldom approach in it's own right.

This sentence: It's interesting how I trigger the most by the people who could

have the most positive impact on my life. I found very telling, as I have

noticed a similar process. Once someone gets closer emotionally,family, friends,

teachers, ext, I notice my tolerance level to the trigger sounds decreases. As

if the sound comes in raw straight to my core. I am wondering if others have

also noticed this? If there has been any mention of this in the meager amount of

research done.

Jacky

>

> Hi - Vipassana Meditation has come up a few times on this forum.

>

> I recently had the opportunity to attend a 10 day Vipassana retreat in Nepal.

Here is an overview of my experience:

>

> - It was anything but quiet. It was like being " quietly " tortured. Several

times I went to the teacher and, in tears, begged to be allowed to meditate in a

" cell " (private / soundproof room). She insisted I " benefited from the strength

of the group " .

>

> - I spent most every minute thinking hateful thoughts towards everyone around

me who coughed, snotted, and fidgeted, 17 hours a day while meditating and

eating in a large room together. My emotional outpouring to the teacher earned

me a stigma as a bit of problem student and I was assigned a " guard " (volunteer

older Nepalese student) of sorts who followed me everywhere...very troubling and

awkward as I have dedicated my life to not making trouble even when I feel

menaced by the world.

>

> - I did enjoy the uniqueness of being in a huge (150) group of people without

talking.

>

> - The healthy vegan food and abstinence from alcohol was REALLY good for my

body. Dinner is a banana and 1 cup of dry Rice Krispies for new students.

Again, the uniqueness of hunger and a wholesome diet was awesome.

>

> - The practice itself was very useful. I enjoyed knowing the process and

continue to meditate in the Vipassana style today. Often it is quickly and when

I'm triggered and it definitely helps bring me down.

>

> - Some women shared a room with 8 people total. I had only 1 roommate who left

on the second day. I would not have been able to stay being in that close of

quarters with that many people for that long so I am very grateful.

>

> - They may not allow you to register if you have what is perceived as an

active neurological or psychological disorder and the staff are not trained

clinicians. My partner was on antidepressants and we had to go through a

special process facilitated by a Nepalese friend who was an old student for him

to be allowed to attend.

>

> - Every evening, you watch a 1 hour video of Teacher Goenka debriefing on what

you learned today, coaching you on the technique and preparing you for the next

day. This was my favorite time of day (MOVIE HOUR WITH MEN IN THE

ROOM....WOOT!!!) Goenka is an absolutely precious gift of a man. He is also a

very large man whose bass voice has a lot of phlegm effecting its timbre. There

are a LOT of guttural sounds and bells and chirpy songs in the curriculum. It's

interesting how I trigger the most by the people who could have the most

positive impact on my life.

>

> - I'm really glad I went and that I made it through the course. If you are

considering it, feel free to ping me and I can offer more detailed

thoughts...you do not want to go into Vipassana ill-prepared or with a lot of

high expectations but if you can afford to take 10 days off and you think you

can get through it, I would highly encourage you to try.

>

> It is one of the most interesting, fulfilling, strange, fun, horrible,

meaningful things I've ever done.

>

> Be well... Kitty

>

[Guest guest]

I've experienced the same. I have trouble tolerating my boyfriend's gulps when

he eats or drinks, and the letter " s " is strong and angers me. It's the same

with my aunt, whom I'm very close with, along with another good friend of mine

who bites his nails and his voice alone triggers me, too. I also wonder why this

is. Probably because we let our guard down?

-Chery

>

> Hello Kitty,

>

> Thank you for sharing your experience. It is difficult when in a religious

situation as the deviation from the norm is seldom approach in it's own right.

>

> This sentence: It's interesting how I trigger the most by the people who could

have the most positive impact on my life. I found very telling, as I have

noticed a similar process. Once someone gets closer emotionally,family, friends,

teachers, ext, I notice my tolerance level to the trigger sounds decreases. As

if the sound comes in raw straight to my core. I am wondering if others have

also noticed this? If there has been any mention of this in the meager amount of

research done.

>

> Jacky

[Guest guest]

That one's easy; misophonia is certainly neurological in its obsession, however

remember that all of this begins as a perceived threat that won't let go. How

much more threatened do we feel when a family member begins to make a noise when

this is, in a way, in our comfort zone? In a certain sense, it feels like a

betrayal combined with the perception that this new perversion of sanctity will

last for an indefinite period of time, as it invades that most personal of

places.

As for me, my miso started with my father's persistent cough. He's an annoying

man by anyone's standards, but for me, EVERYTHING HE DOES eventually began to

bother me. I simply can't stand to be around the man. Ever. I probably would

have developed miso anyway, yet, because he can be so terribly thoughtless, I

feel deep down that the man is the source of all of my pain.

>

> Hello Kitty,

>

> Thank you for sharing your experience. It is difficult when in a religious

situation as the deviation from the norm is seldom approach in it's own right.

>

> This sentence: It's interesting how I trigger the most by the people who could

have the most positive impact on my life. I found very telling, as I have

noticed a similar process. Once someone gets closer emotionally,family, friends,

teachers, ext, I notice my tolerance level to the trigger sounds decreases. As

if the sound comes in raw straight to my core. I am wondering if others have

also noticed this? If there has been any mention of this in the meager amount of

research done.

>

> Jacky

[Guest guest]

It is my belief (since we have no brain-imaging studies yet) that the emotional

attachment factor is purely coincidental to the stimulus/response reflex of

misophonia. It is the pure repetition of a sound that normals perceive as a

background noise that sets up the neural pathway for our miso response. So it

is the close physical proximity and amount of repetition and not necessarily the

way we regard someone emotionally.

As for strangers triggering, I believe it is the sound itself that has now

become a trigger from repetition elsewhere.

The emotional betrayal comes later when we the people who are supposed to care

for us continue to harm us with sounds that set off our " faulty " reflex.

For instance - Before the miso hit, I hated my father, I loved my mother and was

on-and-off with siblings and didn't really care about the kids at school.

Father was first trigger, mother was next, then siblings and then kids at school

.. . .

When I was teaching pre-school I thought it was the love I felt for the kids

that caused the miso because it never starts out that way (it takes repetition)

but that was crazy because I realy didn't care about them but didn't dare to

explain it that way because no one is supposed to feel ambivalent about kids or

hate anyone in their family.

> >

> > Hello Kitty,

> >

> > Thank you for sharing your experience. It is difficult when in a religious

situation as the deviation from the norm is seldom approach in it's own right.

> >

> > This sentence: It's interesting how I trigger the most by the people who

could have the most positive impact on my life. I found very telling, as I have

noticed a similar process. Once someone gets closer emotionally,family, friends,

teachers, ext, I notice my tolerance level to the trigger sounds decreases. As

if the sound comes in raw straight to my core. I am wondering if others have

also noticed this? If there has been any mention of this in the meager amount of

research done.

> >

> > Jacky

>