Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Is there any way possible for you to move out? It may be worth it to deal with whatever disadvantage(s) there is/are to moving out in order to reclaim your own mental health. Maybe it would be helpful for you to write out the disadvantages to moving out and see how/if you can overcome them. I find I need space from nada to begin to heal. Remember, you must love yourself first. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 The anxiety you feel is nothing inherently wrong with you - its just a normal reaction to abnormal dysfunctional circumstances. All part of a fight or flight function built into us by instinct. Unfortunately with it always runing overdrive - constant adrenaline rush takes its toll on yourself mentally as well as physically. You can be prescribed medication to take the edge off and help you concentrate. But to completely recover it would be best to do what it takes to remove yourself physically from the abode of BPD's. > > Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my > sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am > very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is > enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a > house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Well first of all...welcome to this community...we strive to meet each member with open hearts and open minds and unconditional support. We all do the best we can to offer the best advice possible based on our life experience. We look forward to getting to know you...based on just one paragraph I feel like we have known each other for years. But that happens alot here as you will see. For me, I found my best course of action was the course of action Cristie speaks of...removing myself physically from the BP environment....but that is not always possible..and even if it is, usually that doesn't completely fix the problem...sometimes it exacerbates it. What I'm trying to say is that the effect BPD has on people is really complex...i don't think one completely heals from it the way you would a cold or a really bad flu....so i would caution you that simply moving away...that's not going to be the cure all that ends all..but for most of us it's a really good first step. I just want to make sure you understand that we're not going to pass judgment on you if you don't follow our advice . Personally, I feel like I offer what I can...i hope people can pick at what they can use and feel free to leave the rest. You are in a really good spot...it seems like people are learning about BP at earlier ages now, which is terrific....i didn't know about this until I was 37. As a psychology student you can learn more about BP...you understand that it's a mental illness...and you have been able to find a way to rise above it already. I know it's hard to live in a house with BP's...since your sister has it too you must really feel like the odd man out. My brother is 10 years younger than I am and I can talk to him about what I am going through and he can sympathize...but he has his demons which, at times are much bigger than the BP behavior from our parents. Do you have any plans to get out from under their roof? Physically removing yourself would probably be your best bet, but there are plenty of us here who still have contact with that BP person in our life, and there are things you can do to help yourself cope...my best advice to you right now is...allow yourself to hope. Cristie Maure wrote: The anxiety you feel is nothing inherently wrong with you - its just a normal reaction to abnormal dysfunctional circumstances. All part of a fight or flight function built into us by instinct. Unfortunately with it always runing overdrive - constant adrenaline rush takes its toll on yourself mentally as well as physically. You can be prescribed medication to take the edge off and help you concentrate. But to completely recover it would be best to do what it takes to remove yourself physically from the abode of BPD's. > > Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my > sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am > very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is > enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a > house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Well first of all...welcome to this community...we strive to meet each member with open hearts and open minds and unconditional support. We all do the best we can to offer the best advice possible based on our life experience. We look forward to getting to know you...based on just one paragraph I feel like we have known each other for years. But that happens alot here as you will see. For me, I found my best course of action was the course of action Cristie speaks of...removing myself physically from the BP environment....but that is not always possible..and even if it is, usually that doesn't completely fix the problem...sometimes it exacerbates it. What I'm trying to say is that the effect BPD has on people is really complex...i don't think one completely heals from it the way you would a cold or a really bad flu....so i would caution you that simply moving away...that's not going to be the cure all that ends all..but for most of us it's a really good first step. I just want to make sure you understand that we're not going to pass judgment on you if you don't follow our advice . Personally, I feel like I offer what I can...i hope people can pick at what they can use and feel free to leave the rest. You are in a really good spot...it seems like people are learning about BP at earlier ages now, which is terrific....i didn't know about this until I was 37. As a psychology student you can learn more about BP...you understand that it's a mental illness...and you have been able to find a way to rise above it already. I know it's hard to live in a house with BP's...since your sister has it too you must really feel like the odd man out. My brother is 10 years younger than I am and I can talk to him about what I am going through and he can sympathize...but he has his demons which, at times are much bigger than the BP behavior from our parents. Do you have any plans to get out from under their roof? Physically removing yourself would probably be your best bet, but there are plenty of us here who still have contact with that BP person in our life, and there are things you can do to help yourself cope...my best advice to you right now is...allow yourself to hope. Cristie Maure wrote: The anxiety you feel is nothing inherently wrong with you - its just a normal reaction to abnormal dysfunctional circumstances. All part of a fight or flight function built into us by instinct. Unfortunately with it always runing overdrive - constant adrenaline rush takes its toll on yourself mentally as well as physically. You can be prescribed medication to take the edge off and help you concentrate. But to completely recover it would be best to do what it takes to remove yourself physically from the abode of BPD's. > > Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my > sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am > very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is > enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a > house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Well first of all...welcome to this community...we strive to meet each member with open hearts and open minds and unconditional support. We all do the best we can to offer the best advice possible based on our life experience. We look forward to getting to know you...based on just one paragraph I feel like we have known each other for years. But that happens alot here as you will see. For me, I found my best course of action was the course of action Cristie speaks of...removing myself physically from the BP environment....but that is not always possible..and even if it is, usually that doesn't completely fix the problem...sometimes it exacerbates it. What I'm trying to say is that the effect BPD has on people is really complex...i don't think one completely heals from it the way you would a cold or a really bad flu....so i would caution you that simply moving away...that's not going to be the cure all that ends all..but for most of us it's a really good first step. I just want to make sure you understand that we're not going to pass judgment on you if you don't follow our advice . Personally, I feel like I offer what I can...i hope people can pick at what they can use and feel free to leave the rest. You are in a really good spot...it seems like people are learning about BP at earlier ages now, which is terrific....i didn't know about this until I was 37. As a psychology student you can learn more about BP...you understand that it's a mental illness...and you have been able to find a way to rise above it already. I know it's hard to live in a house with BP's...since your sister has it too you must really feel like the odd man out. My brother is 10 years younger than I am and I can talk to him about what I am going through and he can sympathize...but he has his demons which, at times are much bigger than the BP behavior from our parents. Do you have any plans to get out from under their roof? Physically removing yourself would probably be your best bet, but there are plenty of us here who still have contact with that BP person in our life, and there are things you can do to help yourself cope...my best advice to you right now is...allow yourself to hope. Cristie Maure wrote: The anxiety you feel is nothing inherently wrong with you - its just a normal reaction to abnormal dysfunctional circumstances. All part of a fight or flight function built into us by instinct. Unfortunately with it always runing overdrive - constant adrenaline rush takes its toll on yourself mentally as well as physically. You can be prescribed medication to take the edge off and help you concentrate. But to completely recover it would be best to do what it takes to remove yourself physically from the abode of BPD's. > > Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my > sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am > very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is > enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a > house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Thanks a lot for understanding, and having faith in my future progress (something that I don't get much at home). I realize that is part of their pathology, although I can't just feel bad for them. I grew out of my rut and I am still growing, why don't they try to progress like I am? I thought I was a good role-model, although no achievement of mine seems to help or change them, but maybe it will one day (or maybe that's just wishful thinking). ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Thanks a lot for understanding, and having faith in my future progress (something that I don't get much at home). I realize that is part of their pathology, although I can't just feel bad for them. I grew out of my rut and I am still growing, why don't they try to progress like I am? I thought I was a good role-model, although no achievement of mine seems to help or change them, but maybe it will one day (or maybe that's just wishful thinking). ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Hello, and welcome! It is so good for you that you recognize the illnesses of your family members. You need to also learn how being raised by BPD parents affects you. As a psychology student, you are aware of how early childhood experiences can wire us for the rest of our lives. Your comment, that you feel like you 'need' your mother, and that it is something she instilled in you is the main reason for my writing this. A healthy parent raises their children to be self-sufficient, and not dependent upon others. I believe your instincts are right, that she has instilled it in you. It is she who feels she needs you, and she is afraid of losing you, so she is doing things to tie you to her. It will be up to you to reverse your thinking on this. My experience has been that I was able to first intellectually understand, but it took me a much longer time to understand at an emotional, gut, level. But with persistence, this change does take place. Please come back, read and post. Sylvia > > One good thing is that I do have a room at my sister's in-law's place. But I > do come back home for food and also, I realize out of a sense of guilt. I > already moved out once but that failed--I do see a Psychotherapist- -she has > helped me and the books I have on BP have helped me a lot, too, but I feel as if > there is no escape, in a sense, especially since most of my family has the > disorder. I can't just forget them or move out completely...My mother, who I > think has it worst out of everyone, makes me feel that if I do move out, she > would 'get me back' (which is probably just her fear of abandonement speaking) > and 'abandon' me, i.e., through lack of financial support, etc. On one hand, > I feel that once I graduate from school I can support myself, but on the > other hand, I feel as if I need her, I think this is something she has instilled > in me rather than it being the reality of the circumstance. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Hello, and welcome! It is so good for you that you recognize the illnesses of your family members. You need to also learn how being raised by BPD parents affects you. As a psychology student, you are aware of how early childhood experiences can wire us for the rest of our lives. Your comment, that you feel like you 'need' your mother, and that it is something she instilled in you is the main reason for my writing this. A healthy parent raises their children to be self-sufficient, and not dependent upon others. I believe your instincts are right, that she has instilled it in you. It is she who feels she needs you, and she is afraid of losing you, so she is doing things to tie you to her. It will be up to you to reverse your thinking on this. My experience has been that I was able to first intellectually understand, but it took me a much longer time to understand at an emotional, gut, level. But with persistence, this change does take place. Please come back, read and post. Sylvia > > One good thing is that I do have a room at my sister's in-law's place. But I > do come back home for food and also, I realize out of a sense of guilt. I > already moved out once but that failed--I do see a Psychotherapist- -she has > helped me and the books I have on BP have helped me a lot, too, but I feel as if > there is no escape, in a sense, especially since most of my family has the > disorder. I can't just forget them or move out completely...My mother, who I > think has it worst out of everyone, makes me feel that if I do move out, she > would 'get me back' (which is probably just her fear of abandonement speaking) > and 'abandon' me, i.e., through lack of financial support, etc. On one hand, > I feel that once I graduate from school I can support myself, but on the > other hand, I feel as if I need her, I think this is something she has instilled > in me rather than it being the reality of the circumstance. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 Hello, and welcome! It is so good for you that you recognize the illnesses of your family members. You need to also learn how being raised by BPD parents affects you. As a psychology student, you are aware of how early childhood experiences can wire us for the rest of our lives. Your comment, that you feel like you 'need' your mother, and that it is something she instilled in you is the main reason for my writing this. A healthy parent raises their children to be self-sufficient, and not dependent upon others. I believe your instincts are right, that she has instilled it in you. It is she who feels she needs you, and she is afraid of losing you, so she is doing things to tie you to her. It will be up to you to reverse your thinking on this. My experience has been that I was able to first intellectually understand, but it took me a much longer time to understand at an emotional, gut, level. But with persistence, this change does take place. Please come back, read and post. Sylvia > > One good thing is that I do have a room at my sister's in-law's place. But I > do come back home for food and also, I realize out of a sense of guilt. I > already moved out once but that failed--I do see a Psychotherapist- -she has > helped me and the books I have on BP have helped me a lot, too, but I feel as if > there is no escape, in a sense, especially since most of my family has the > disorder. I can't just forget them or move out completely...My mother, who I > think has it worst out of everyone, makes me feel that if I do move out, she > would 'get me back' (which is probably just her fear of abandonement speaking) > and 'abandon' me, i.e., through lack of financial support, etc. On one hand, > I feel that once I graduate from school I can support myself, but on the > other hand, I feel as if I need her, I think this is something she has instilled > in me rather than it being the reality of the circumstance. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 We all hoped it wouldn't be so hard, yet it is. I just wanted to say, maybe changing therapist isn't such a bad idea. I did and what a difference it has made for me. My previous therapist did help me, but all she ever told me in regard to my nada was keep my armor on and protect myself from her. My armor was rusting, and I just was worn out. My new therapist is wonderful and she has helped me in so many ways. Good luck in your journey.... Malinda > > Sylvia > > > Your words are very truthful, and I am happy that someone is validating my > experiences. Even my own therapist doesn't validate me much about the impact > of this disorder--maybe she doesn't have the experience of how devastating it > is as I have. Maybe I should find another therapist. I'm constantly looking > for ways to improve my life. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.... > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 We all hoped it wouldn't be so hard, yet it is. I just wanted to say, maybe changing therapist isn't such a bad idea. I did and what a difference it has made for me. My previous therapist did help me, but all she ever told me in regard to my nada was keep my armor on and protect myself from her. My armor was rusting, and I just was worn out. My new therapist is wonderful and she has helped me in so many ways. Good luck in your journey.... Malinda > > Sylvia > > > Your words are very truthful, and I am happy that someone is validating my > experiences. Even my own therapist doesn't validate me much about the impact > of this disorder--maybe she doesn't have the experience of how devastating it > is as I have. Maybe I should find another therapist. I'm constantly looking > for ways to improve my life. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.... > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 If you have a 3.4 GPA with all that you are dealing with, then you should be very, very proud of yourself. I think if you can get out of your parents home, it will cause a great deal of improvement in your life. I understand the desire to go to graduate school. But that can be done at a later time. There are several things in the offing for you. Your graduation, of course. Getting a job and being self- sufficient. There are options out there that you probably haven't considered, because our BPD parents try to keep us locked into certain scenarios. I think if you can get out from under your family, and just give yourself time to decompress, you will start to see these other options. You really need to be able to feel free to be yourself, and I think that can only be done when you are physically removed from you BPD family. Take care, Sylvia > > I appreciate your comments and advice. I do plan on moving out; right now > I'm a full-time student and have that as my excuse for not wanting to do > anything but go to school. I do want to work but I feel overwhelmed with doing > school-work and dealing with the emotional issues that results from being part of > an environment with several people with BP. I am graduating, officially > September 1st, and even though I do want to eagerly attend graduate school for > social work, I believe I have to put it off since it just won't work. My college > transcript isn't very pretty( I have several W-withdrawal grades from when I > was overwhelmed with the verbal abuse and constant noise in my house--I > didn't have the alternate place to go to that I have now, which I am grateful > for. I do feel as if this is just a temporary fix, in other words, I need my own > place, in my opinion). I am still very proud that my GPA is a 3.4 which is > due to a lot of hard work, more so than was needed, because of the " negative > energy " that was pulling me down; it is as if this environment was set-up for > failure or complacency with low achievement. > > I believe I deserve better than this life. I see people enjoying their lives > and successful and I want to be part of that. My dad does hold down two > jobs, but my mother is so controlling that she doesn't even let him be > independent. He seems just as oppressed as me, but supposedly, he is supposed to be the > Man of The House. I see his dependence and helpless attitude and become sad > and hopeless. I need help, I do see a Psychologist, but sometimes I believe I > need GOD because the ongoing and past issues are horrible. My sister has it a > lot worse....I have strived and have some independence, e.g., a bank > account, credit cards, and almost a Bachelor's degree with some work experience. > She doesn't have much, except for a boyfriend, who has some sort of mood > disorder himself--although he is a nice guy. I'm trying hard. I care about my > family, even though they have caused many emotional scars. I do feel stronger > emotionally from the bad experiences, and my character has developed, but I'm > ready for more, I'm ready and desiring more achievement and most of all, peace > of mind. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 If you have a 3.4 GPA with all that you are dealing with, then you should be very, very proud of yourself. I think if you can get out of your parents home, it will cause a great deal of improvement in your life. I understand the desire to go to graduate school. But that can be done at a later time. There are several things in the offing for you. Your graduation, of course. Getting a job and being self- sufficient. There are options out there that you probably haven't considered, because our BPD parents try to keep us locked into certain scenarios. I think if you can get out from under your family, and just give yourself time to decompress, you will start to see these other options. You really need to be able to feel free to be yourself, and I think that can only be done when you are physically removed from you BPD family. Take care, Sylvia > > I appreciate your comments and advice. I do plan on moving out; right now > I'm a full-time student and have that as my excuse for not wanting to do > anything but go to school. I do want to work but I feel overwhelmed with doing > school-work and dealing with the emotional issues that results from being part of > an environment with several people with BP. I am graduating, officially > September 1st, and even though I do want to eagerly attend graduate school for > social work, I believe I have to put it off since it just won't work. My college > transcript isn't very pretty( I have several W-withdrawal grades from when I > was overwhelmed with the verbal abuse and constant noise in my house--I > didn't have the alternate place to go to that I have now, which I am grateful > for. I do feel as if this is just a temporary fix, in other words, I need my own > place, in my opinion). I am still very proud that my GPA is a 3.4 which is > due to a lot of hard work, more so than was needed, because of the " negative > energy " that was pulling me down; it is as if this environment was set-up for > failure or complacency with low achievement. > > I believe I deserve better than this life. I see people enjoying their lives > and successful and I want to be part of that. My dad does hold down two > jobs, but my mother is so controlling that she doesn't even let him be > independent. He seems just as oppressed as me, but supposedly, he is supposed to be the > Man of The House. I see his dependence and helpless attitude and become sad > and hopeless. I need help, I do see a Psychologist, but sometimes I believe I > need GOD because the ongoing and past issues are horrible. My sister has it a > lot worse....I have strived and have some independence, e.g., a bank > account, credit cards, and almost a Bachelor's degree with some work experience. > She doesn't have much, except for a boyfriend, who has some sort of mood > disorder himself--although he is a nice guy. I'm trying hard. I care about my > family, even though they have caused many emotional scars. I do feel stronger > emotionally from the bad experiences, and my character has developed, but I'm > ready for more, I'm ready and desiring more achievement and most of all, peace > of mind. > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 I agree with Sylvia -- get the distance between you first, then you can soar. Can you do something that makes a quite radical break for a while, like teach English in Japan, or get a temporary visa to work in Europe? What about an internship in social work in Appalachia or someplace? Your college office should have info on these programs, many of which offer room and board. I did this kind of stuff at your age (although I was pretty broke) and I cannot emphasize how great it was to be ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD from my FOO. I remember walking down streets in Europe, thinking " Hey, they have NO IDEA where I am right now! They can't call, they can't even write! " Bliss. It'll also help with your grad school apps, if you feel your grades are weak. Though hey, to get a perfectly good 3.4 living with your family predicts a brilliant future once you are free! You sound like a very smart and together person. I am sure that once you are the one manning the ship, you can sail anywhere you like. I used to look at happy and successful people with wonder, like they were almost another species. Now I'm one of them, and getting happier and more successful all the time. You'll get there too. Really, you will. Sounds like you are already on the path. I'm sure the pain seems overwhelming now at times, but it will fade as your real life, the life you are meant to have, grows. One slight caveat -- they may try to clip your wings a bit as they see you flying away (my crazy bro even tried to get me to give up a hard-earned trip to Europe since he hadn't been yet, and I was " deliberately embarassing him and showing him up " by going. Lucky I didn't wait for him to go first, or I would have waited twenty years!) Don't get sucked in by guilt and manipulation, just make your break and don't look back... > > > > I appreciate your comments and advice. I do plan on moving out; > right now > > I'm a full-time student and have that as my excuse for not wanting > to do > > anything but go to school. I do want to work but I feel > overwhelmed with doing > > school-work and dealing with the emotional issues that results > from being part of > > an environment with several people with BP. I am graduating, > officially > > September 1st, and even though I do want to eagerly attend > graduate school for > > social work, I believe I have to put it off since it just won't > work. My college > > transcript isn't very pretty( I have several W-withdrawal grades > from when I > > was overwhelmed with the verbal abuse and constant noise in my > house--I > > didn't have the alternate place to go to that I have now, which I > am grateful > > for. I do feel as if this is just a temporary fix, in other > words, I need my own > > place, in my opinion). I am still very proud that my GPA is a 3.4 > which is > > due to a lot of hard work, more so than was needed, because of > the " negative > > energy " that was pulling me down; it is as if this environment > was set-up for > > failure or complacency with low achievement. > > > > I believe I deserve better than this life. I see people enjoying > their lives > > and successful and I want to be part of that. My dad does hold > down two > > jobs, but my mother is so controlling that she doesn't even let > him be > > independent. He seems just as oppressed as me, but supposedly, he > is supposed to be the > > Man of The House. I see his dependence and helpless attitude and > become sad > > and hopeless. I need help, I do see a Psychologist, but sometimes > I believe I > > need GOD because the ongoing and past issues are horrible. My > sister has it a > > lot worse....I have strived and have some independence, e.g., a > bank > > account, credit cards, and almost a Bachelor's degree with some > work experience. > > She doesn't have much, except for a boyfriend, who has some sort > of mood > > disorder himself--although he is a nice guy. I'm trying hard. I > care about my > > family, even though they have caused many emotional scars. I do > feel stronger > > emotionally from the bad experiences, and my character has > developed, but I'm > > ready for more, I'm ready and desiring more achievement and most > of all, peace > > of mind. > > > > > > > > ************************************** See what's free at > http://www.aol.com. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2007 Report Share Posted April 1, 2007 I agree with Sylvia -- get the distance between you first, then you can soar. Can you do something that makes a quite radical break for a while, like teach English in Japan, or get a temporary visa to work in Europe? What about an internship in social work in Appalachia or someplace? Your college office should have info on these programs, many of which offer room and board. I did this kind of stuff at your age (although I was pretty broke) and I cannot emphasize how great it was to be ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD from my FOO. I remember walking down streets in Europe, thinking " Hey, they have NO IDEA where I am right now! They can't call, they can't even write! " Bliss. It'll also help with your grad school apps, if you feel your grades are weak. Though hey, to get a perfectly good 3.4 living with your family predicts a brilliant future once you are free! You sound like a very smart and together person. I am sure that once you are the one manning the ship, you can sail anywhere you like. I used to look at happy and successful people with wonder, like they were almost another species. Now I'm one of them, and getting happier and more successful all the time. You'll get there too. Really, you will. Sounds like you are already on the path. I'm sure the pain seems overwhelming now at times, but it will fade as your real life, the life you are meant to have, grows. One slight caveat -- they may try to clip your wings a bit as they see you flying away (my crazy bro even tried to get me to give up a hard-earned trip to Europe since he hadn't been yet, and I was " deliberately embarassing him and showing him up " by going. Lucky I didn't wait for him to go first, or I would have waited twenty years!) Don't get sucked in by guilt and manipulation, just make your break and don't look back... > > > > I appreciate your comments and advice. I do plan on moving out; > right now > > I'm a full-time student and have that as my excuse for not wanting > to do > > anything but go to school. I do want to work but I feel > overwhelmed with doing > > school-work and dealing with the emotional issues that results > from being part of > > an environment with several people with BP. I am graduating, > officially > > September 1st, and even though I do want to eagerly attend > graduate school for > > social work, I believe I have to put it off since it just won't > work. My college > > transcript isn't very pretty( I have several W-withdrawal grades > from when I > > was overwhelmed with the verbal abuse and constant noise in my > house--I > > didn't have the alternate place to go to that I have now, which I > am grateful > > for. I do feel as if this is just a temporary fix, in other > words, I need my own > > place, in my opinion). I am still very proud that my GPA is a 3.4 > which is > > due to a lot of hard work, more so than was needed, because of > the " negative > > energy " that was pulling me down; it is as if this environment > was set-up for > > failure or complacency with low achievement. > > > > I believe I deserve better than this life. I see people enjoying > their lives > > and successful and I want to be part of that. My dad does hold > down two > > jobs, but my mother is so controlling that she doesn't even let > him be > > independent. He seems just as oppressed as me, but supposedly, he > is supposed to be the > > Man of The House. I see his dependence and helpless attitude and > become sad > > and hopeless. I need help, I do see a Psychologist, but sometimes > I believe I > > need GOD because the ongoing and past issues are horrible. My > sister has it a > > lot worse....I have strived and have some independence, e.g., a > bank > > account, credit cards, and almost a Bachelor's degree with some > work experience. > > She doesn't have much, except for a boyfriend, who has some sort > of mood > > disorder himself--although he is a nice guy. I'm trying hard. I > care about my > > family, even though they have caused many emotional scars. I do > feel stronger > > emotionally from the bad experiences, and my character has > developed, but I'm > > ready for more, I'm ready and desiring more achievement and most > of all, peace > > of mind. > > > > > > > > ************************************** See what's free at > http://www.aol.com. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 welcome...get out and away from them...and please sign your posts :-) Jackie Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 welcome...get out and away from them...and please sign your posts :-) Jackie Hi--I'm 24 and have been living with borderline parents for years. Also, my sister who is 31 is divorced and also a BP. I am a Psychology student and I am very interested in Clinical Psych. but the anxiety that my BP mom project is enormous. I can't seem to just be at peace...I feel that this house is a house full of BPs and I don't know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2007 Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 Well it's still pretty early in the process for you...here is what I would suggest: Try to focus on what they are saying and the tone in which they are saying things...focus on the things that bother you...ask yourself if you can find a way to shelter yourself from the behavior....take mental notes. Prepare yourself for future events...are you planning on going LC or NC?? If you are preparing to go NC then just scratch it off as one LESS event you will have to attend...if you are preparing to go LC then listen to what they are saying and see if you can file away the nasty remarks as just common negative comments. Remember, you have very little control over the action..you have total control over the re-action. Here are some ideas for you if you really feel like you can't take anymore: Answer questions with more questions....if you can, pose the question to another member of the family to get the volley moving to another part of the court. Example of discussion: My Nada: Well, isn't this nice...Angel I noticed that you at least attempted to do SOMETHING with your hair...it's a shame you have let your hair go, when you were little I always made sure your hair looked nice...i worked an extra job for you kids and this is how you re-pay me...are you trying to tell me something? Me:You know, you're right mom..Aunt Sue...where do you get your hair done?? how much does it cost?? Mom..what do you think of Aunt Sue's hair? Of course, take notice that your next birthday present may not be a very good one for Aunt Sue this year...expect to get a subscription for Aunt Sue's boutique...don't sweat it though, you can always burn it later. If that doesn't work then I try to imagine the entire event as a Saturday Night Live Skit...if all else fails, feign a stomach ache, find a bathroom within earshot and camp out in there. (I used to hide a book under the sink and hunker down for the long haul) Make the loudest wretching noises as you can...you will clear the dinner party out pretty quickly...and yes I am being serious...it really does work for me. Good luck...keep us posted! XX5000X@... wrote: Passover is here and my BP family will all come together tonight at the dinner--I feel the anxiety already......................................any advice for me, please? ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2007 Report Share Posted April 3, 2007 Yes, the right therapist can really make a world of difference. Mine is a family therapist who has a very good understanding of BPD. Actually, if you find a therapist certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, even if you don't want to do DBT yourself (I started a thread on this topic, in case you're interested), you would know that this person has a lot of knowledge about BPD and might be a good one to help you. Best wishes! Tara > > Sylvia > > > Your words are very truthful, and I am happy that someone is validating my > experiences. Even my own therapist doesn't validate me much about the impact > of this disorder--maybe she doesn't have the experience of how devastating it > is as I have. Maybe I should find another therapist. I'm constantly looking > for ways to improve my life. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.... > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2007 Report Share Posted April 3, 2007 Yes, the right therapist can really make a world of difference. Mine is a family therapist who has a very good understanding of BPD. Actually, if you find a therapist certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, even if you don't want to do DBT yourself (I started a thread on this topic, in case you're interested), you would know that this person has a lot of knowledge about BPD and might be a good one to help you. Best wishes! Tara > > Sylvia > > > Your words are very truthful, and I am happy that someone is validating my > experiences. Even my own therapist doesn't validate me much about the impact > of this disorder--maybe she doesn't have the experience of how devastating it > is as I have. Maybe I should find another therapist. I'm constantly looking > for ways to improve my life. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.... > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2007 Report Share Posted April 3, 2007 Yes, the right therapist can really make a world of difference. Mine is a family therapist who has a very good understanding of BPD. Actually, if you find a therapist certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, even if you don't want to do DBT yourself (I started a thread on this topic, in case you're interested), you would know that this person has a lot of knowledge about BPD and might be a good one to help you. Best wishes! Tara > > Sylvia > > > Your words are very truthful, and I am happy that someone is validating my > experiences. Even my own therapist doesn't validate me much about the impact > of this disorder--maybe she doesn't have the experience of how devastating it > is as I have. Maybe I should find another therapist. I'm constantly looking > for ways to improve my life. I just wish it didn't have to be so hard.... > > > > ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 I got it a few weeks ago and it isn't in my inbox; I forgot to save it... ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi and welcome! You should have received a list of abbreviations in an email when you joined. Maybe you missed it in your inbox? Melany > > Can someone please send me a list of the abbreviations--I'm fairly new here > and I am having trouble knowing what they stand for. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Hi and welcome! You should have received a list of abbreviations in an email when you joined. Maybe you missed it in your inbox? Melany > > Can someone please send me a list of the abbreviations--I'm fairly new here > and I am having trouble knowing what they stand for. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.