Re: What was your breaking point?

[Guest guest]

My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd been

the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure him,

and escape.

I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my family

about it.

BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

Now you owe me an apology, too! "

BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

even asked about MY day! "

When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of big

deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

[Guest guest]

The day did come for me. Because she passed away locked up in an

institution - Halloween night of all things. No one wanted a memorial

or funeral. I think i took off ONE day from work just to get over the

shock. Because she donated her body to science, nothing had to be

done. It was all so convenient. Doing that was the single sole only

thing she ever did to make anything easy on us.

Casket? why waste the money. The body is just a dead shell void of

the beast that once inhabited it.

Cristie

> > Anyway....i've written that over and over and over in

my journal...no

> > peace until she dies...and then my brother said it to me a couple

of days

> > ago...that he felt that way. I just said " OH MY GOD! I feel that

way

> > too!! I've been saying that for YEARS! " Well wouldn't you just

know it,

> > the very next day I get this " urgent " >message from nada. She

said that

> > my brother made the comment to her that " he would not get any

peace from

> > them until they died " ...well she took that as a " death threat "

and called

> > the police! Do you know how many times I have stopped short of

>saying

> > that? Lately my policy has been to not get invoved, but I did

call and

> > talk to the arresting officer to tell them that yeah...nada was

nuts.

>

> OMG !! I bet my nada would do this too...it's OK that she THREATENS

us and

> says many times throughout my life that she wishes she had killed

me/us when

> she was able..but heaven forbid if we ever suggest we'd be better

off when

> she's dead...and this is not even saying we'd kill her like she

does to us..

> unlike your brother..I would never have the nerve to actually SAY

we'd be

> better off when she's gone...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

The day did come for me. Because she passed away locked up in an

institution - Halloween night of all things. No one wanted a memorial

or funeral. I think i took off ONE day from work just to get over the

shock. Because she donated her body to science, nothing had to be

done. It was all so convenient. Doing that was the single sole only

thing she ever did to make anything easy on us.

Casket? why waste the money. The body is just a dead shell void of

the beast that once inhabited it.

Cristie

> > Anyway....i've written that over and over and over in

my journal...no

> > peace until she dies...and then my brother said it to me a couple

of days

> > ago...that he felt that way. I just said " OH MY GOD! I feel that

way

> > too!! I've been saying that for YEARS! " Well wouldn't you just

know it,

> > the very next day I get this " urgent " >message from nada. She

said that

> > my brother made the comment to her that " he would not get any

peace from

> > them until they died " ...well she took that as a " death threat "

and called

> > the police! Do you know how many times I have stopped short of

>saying

> > that? Lately my policy has been to not get invoved, but I did

call and

> > talk to the arresting officer to tell them that yeah...nada was

nuts.

>

> OMG !! I bet my nada would do this too...it's OK that she THREATENS

us and

> says many times throughout my life that she wishes she had killed

me/us when

> she was able..but heaven forbid if we ever suggest we'd be better

off when

> she's dead...and this is not even saying we'd kill her like she

does to us..

> unlike your brother..I would never have the nerve to actually SAY

we'd be

> better off when she's gone...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

-This is chilling. What your family said about the rapist thing. I

read it and thought awfull! - Then thought why my family would have

said just about the same thing. Word for word. Making you feel as if

it your fault. What your brother said is verbatim as my brother. He

has absolutely no respect for women or his sister. and would have the

SAME thoughts. I cant even put in writing the things he does with

them. sick sick sick. I truly understand how you feel. You did NOT

deserve this. the rapist was the SICK one just out Hunting for prey

(caught you in a vulnerable point?) and you happened to be there. It

was NOT your choice. I hope you did go to some counselor or something

about this. it IS serious.

Cristie

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lettydale "

wrote:

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

Letty,

I agree with Cristie. Those responses indicate a

severe level of sadistic behavior toward you that will

never change. It reminds me of some of my FOO's

behavior toward me. You're not alone. If it were me,

I'd leave them far, far behind as soon as possible.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- Cristie Maure wrote:

> -This is chilling. What your family said about the

> rapist thing. I

> read it and thought awfull! - Then thought why my

> family would have

> said just about the same thing. Word for word.

> Making you feel as if

> it your fault. What your brother said is verbatim

> as my brother. He

> has absolutely no respect for women or his sister.

> and would have the

> SAME thoughts. I cant even put in writing the things

> he does with

> them. sick sick sick. I truly understand how you

> feel. You did NOT

> deserve this. the rapist was the SICK one just out

> Hunting for prey

> (caught you in a vulnerable point?) and you happened

> to be there. It

> was NOT your choice. I hope you did go to some

> counselor or something

> about this. it IS serious.

>

> Cristie

>

> -- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lettydale "

>

> wrote:

> >

> > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties.

> For years, I'd

> been

> > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone

> in my family, the

> > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both

> my parents would

> > vent for hours to me about problems in their

> marriage, problems at

> > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> >

> > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a

> stranger who I later

> > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape,

> and threatened to

> > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to

> outwit him, injure

> him,

> > and escape.

> >

> > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I

> tried to tell my

> family

> > about it.

> >

> > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who

> would have reimbursed

> > me for all the money I spent sending you to

> college? "

> >

> > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No

> daughter of mine would

> > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped

> to inquire whose

> > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just

> making a pass at

> > you! I hope you found him the next day and

> apologized to him. " I

> > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what

> had happened, and

> > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response.

> She burst into

> > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am

> not sympathetic?

> > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> >

> > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about

> this? You haven't

> > even asked about MY day! "

> >

> > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I

> considered it a sort of

> big

> > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what

> the big deal was

> > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three

> minutes of a woman's

> > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was

> " selfish " for --

> > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> >

> > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could

> possibly have done that

> > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them

> again? And raged

> > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had

> become.

> >

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

amen to that. Your brother seems like a potentialy very dangerous

person. Trust me i been there. Do what it takes - Stay away!

> > >

> > > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties.

> > For years, I'd

> > been

> > > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone

> > in my family, the

> > > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both

> > my parents would

> > > vent for hours to me about problems in their

> > marriage, problems at

> > > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> > >

> > > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a

> > stranger who I later

> > > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape,

> > and threatened to

> > > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to

> > outwit him, injure

> > him,

> > > and escape.

> > >

> > > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I

> > tried to tell my

> > family

> > > about it.

> > >

> > > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who

> > would have reimbursed

> > > me for all the money I spent sending you to

> > college? "

> > >

> > > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No

> > daughter of mine would

> > > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped

> > to inquire whose

> > > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just

> > making a pass at

> > > you! I hope you found him the next day and

> > apologized to him. " I

> > > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what

> > had happened, and

> > > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response.

> > She burst into

> > > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am

> > not sympathetic?

> > > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> > >

> > > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about

> > this? You haven't

> > > even asked about MY day! "

> > >

> > > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I

> > considered it a sort of

> > big

> > > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what

> > the big deal was

> > > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three

> > minutes of a woman's

> > > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was

> > " selfish " for --

> > > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> > >

> > > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could

> > possibly have done that

> > > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them

> > again? And raged

> > > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had

> > become.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

> Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

> with the Yahoo! Search weather shortcut.

> http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#loc_weather

>

[Guest guest]

What a terrible experience for you to have to live through. Let me

change that - what TWO terrible experiences for you to have to live

through! And you escaped from both of them! I am so glad that you

were able to save yourself both physically and then emotionally as

well.

Sylvia

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I

later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened

to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have

reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not

sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

What a terrible experience for you to have to live through. Let me

change that - what TWO terrible experiences for you to have to live

through! And you escaped from both of them! I am so glad that you

were able to save yourself both physically and then emotionally as

well.

Sylvia

>

> My breaking point came when I was in my twenties. For years, I'd

been

> the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone in my family, the

> one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both my parents would

> vent for hours to me about problems in their marriage, problems at

> work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

>

> Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I

later

> learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened

to

> murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure

him,

> and escape.

>

> I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my

family

> about it.

>

> BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have

reimbursed

> me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

>

> Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

> get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

> daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

> you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

> explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

> that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

> tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not

sympathetic?

> Now you owe me an apology, too! "

>

> BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

> even asked about MY day! "

>

> When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I considered it a sort of

big

> deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what the big deal was

> about rape, anyway. It only took two or three minutes of a woman's

> time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was " selfish " for --

> you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

>

> Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could possibly have done that

> was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them again? And raged

> about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had become.

>

[Guest guest]

OMG..how awful, but I can relate !! I was molested as an older child..I

didn't tell my parents until several years later. Nada just said " don't

tell you father as it would upset him, he liked these people " end of

conversation...how uncaring is that ?? So WHY do we continut to associeate

with these people who don't care about us at all ??? I wish I knew...

Jackie

Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a stranger who I later

learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape, and threatened to

murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to outwit him, injure him,

and escape.

I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I tried to tell my family

about it.

BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who would have reimbursed

me for all the money I spent sending you to college? "

Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No daughter of mine would

get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped to inquire whose

daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just making a pass at

you! I hope you found him the next day and apologized to him. " I

explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what had happened, and

that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response. She burst into

tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am not sympathetic?

Now you owe me an apology, too! "

BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about this? You haven't

even asked about MY day! "

[Guest guest]

Yes, Letty -- Non-BP Man nailed it with that one word: sadistic.

They've transcended selfish. I can't imagine the " bizarro world "

feeling I would have after relating such a horrific thing that

happened to me, and getting that response.

I'd ask myself " Who ARE these people? And what am I doing here? "

Thank God you escaped anything worse.

{Hugs}

Kyla

> > >

> > > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties.

> > For years, I'd

> > been

> > > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone

> > in my family, the

> > > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both

> > my parents would

> > > vent for hours to me about problems in their

> > marriage, problems at

> > > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> > >

> > > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a

> > stranger who I later

> > > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape,

> > and threatened to

> > > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to

> > outwit him, injure

> > him,

> > > and escape.

> > >

> > > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I

> > tried to tell my

> > family

> > > about it.

> > >

> > > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who

> > would have reimbursed

> > > me for all the money I spent sending you to

> > college? "

> > >

> > > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No

> > daughter of mine would

> > > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped

> > to inquire whose

> > > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just

> > making a pass at

> > > you! I hope you found him the next day and

> > apologized to him. " I

> > > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what

> > had happened, and

> > > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response.

> > She burst into

> > > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am

> > not sympathetic?

> > > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> > >

> > > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about

> > this? You haven't

> > > even asked about MY day! "

> > >

> > > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I

> > considered it a sort of

> > big

> > > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what

> > the big deal was

> > > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three

> > minutes of a woman's

> > > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was

> > " selfish " for --

> > > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> > >

> > > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could

> > possibly have done that

> > > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them

> > again? And raged

> > > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had

> > become.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

> with the Yahoo! Search weather shortcut.

> http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#loc_weather

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Tara!

Very good advice from Sylvia...i've often said i wish she were my

therapist...but in many ways everyone here plays a different role in helping me

heal....you all really are such an invaluable tool...i don't know what i would

have done without you all. Tara...this is some truth in " time heals all

wounds " ...this is especially true for us. Time is a huge component..some things

work, some things won't...something that works today won't work down the

road...it's so largely trial and error. In many ways dealing with the kind of

fleas the cat brings in is much easier...a once a year treatment and a week of

diligence and we are home free. Not so easy with the BPD fleas. I deal with my

fleas the way I have dealt with my children as they have grown...a swat on the

butt and a few minutes in the corner doesn't cut it at 16 the way it did when my

daughters were 2. Currently my oldest is grounded...we took her phone away for

a couple of days...that punishment wouldn't fly for my

youngest daughter, she's not a big phone user so we have to come up with

something different for her. This past fall, after everything else failed we

made the decision to go NC with my in-laws. Christmas was so hard...we do so

much with them and the rest of the extended family. I bumped my therapy

sessions up to twice per week...i felt so guilty keeping my children from the

rest of the family...afterall, they hadn't done anything wrong. But hubby's mom

is the queen bee, and since they all do stuff TOGETHER there was no way to

attend functions without the in-laws...and finding time to get together without

my in-laws just put the other family members in the middle...in firing range if

you will.(And they thanked us for not getting them involved....and said that she

made them feel the same way we did...and wished they didn't have to attend those

functions with her either!) I dreaded Christmas...i was certain i was making

the situation worse. On Christmas night, my fears

were put to rest...my husband and my children thanked me for the first

stress-free Christmas ever...my husband said it was the first Christmas that he

didn't dread...as we were eating dinner he smiled and hugged me and said " so

THIS is what Christmas is supposed to feel like! Now I get it! " I won't dread

Christmas this year...I feel like I know how to handle things with them

now....now that I have found something that WORKS! You will find your

groove...hang in there..once you figure it out it will be a moment in your life

that you will never forget.

flutter_by_73 wrote:

Thank you so very much. Now if I can get rid of some of these fleas

I've got...

Tara

> >

> > First of all, how awful what you went through!

> >

> > In response to your question about the breaking point...

> >

> > For me it was kind of gradual, but it had to do with my kids. I

> had

> > long been aware that there was something " not right " about my

> mother -

> > the negativity, the outrageous accusations, the random mental

> health

> > diagnoses that she would come up with for me, etc. Sometimes I

> felt

> > like it would be much easier just to cut off contact with her,

but

> > then I would feel guilty for thinking that way, remember that

> there

> > were many good times (though as I got older they became

> increasingly

> > fewer and farther between), and get hoovered back in.

> >

> > After I had my second daughter, I started therapy and treatment

> for

> > postpartum depression. As my therapist helped me to examine

> > underlying issues, it became clear to her that my mother was the

> > biggie, and she encouraged me to invite her to some of my

> sessions. I

> > was dead set against this, and hadn't shared anything about my

PPD

> or

> > therapy with her at all, then one time on the phone, I had

allowed

> > myself to get dragged into a big, hideous argument. I was crying,

> > etc. At first I started to break away before it got too bad by

> > saying, " Goodbye Mom, I am not going to do this. I will talk to

> you

> > another time. I love you. " Before I could hang up, she

> said, " Yeah,

> > right. " That cut to the bone and I was sucked back in. Anyway,

> after

> > the conversation went on a while longer, she said, " You need

> > therapy! " I broke my vow never to tell her about my " issues " and

> > sobbed, " I've been in therapy for a freakin' year and a half! "

> > Suddenly she got all fakey sympathetic - " Oh I'm so glad you're

> > finally getting help. " Blah blah blah (She had decided that I was

> > bipolar, something my therapist vehemently disagrees with - as do

> I.

> > I have also been seen by a psychiatrist, since my therapist does

> not

> > prescribe meds, and the psychiatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar

> > either.) Anyway, she did end up coming to therapy with me for a

> > couple of months. She promised to pay for half of those sessions,

> > since they were in addition to my regular therapy sessions, but

> she

> > never did.

> >

> > Those therapy sessions, although they did absolutely nothing to

> > improve my relationship with my mother, helped me to finally see

> her

> > for who she is. I used to excuse the horrible things she would

say

> > when she was raging, thinking she surely couldn't think those

> things

> > about me - it was just said in the heat of anger and she really

> > didn't mean it. In therapy she verified that she really does

> believe

> > that I'm self-centered, that I deliberately set out to hurt her,

> that

> > my goal in moving one town away (to a better school district -

> that

> > was our actual motivation) was to hurt her and keep her

> grandchildren

> > from her, that I've allowed my husband to " poison " my mind

against

> > her, the list goes on. I've been split bad for a while now. She

> never

> > saw the therapy sessions as a chance for both of us to work on

our

> > relationship. She was just there to " help poor Tara " and let my

> > therapist know what an awful, messed up person I really am. UGH.

> She

> > even said at one point, " Why are you so enmeshed with me? " I

guess

> > that was one point she was right about. I hope she likes her VERY

> LC

> > because I ain't enmeshed no more!

> >

> > Anyway, during the course of these sessions, there was a week

that

> > was fraught with peril - my brother was visiting from Alaska (we

> live

> > in NY) and of course, everything had to be perfect. I didn't go

> along

> > with her every whim. She ended up blowing up in front of my kids

> and

> > then blatantly lying to my daughter, then 2 1/2, who said, " Why

> did

> > you yell at my mommy? " (Yes, my kids are very verbal) I was about

> to

> > jump in with " Mommy and Grandma had a disagreement, but

everything

> is

> > ok honey. We still love each other. " Before I had a chance, my

> mother

> > (Nada?) said, " Your mommy yelled at me first. " Not only hadn't I

> > yelled, I had very calmly whispered so as not to get sucked into

> her

> > argument and not to scare the kids. My kids knew this, and we

> talked

> > about it on our way home (this had all happened as we were

leaving

> so

> > that I could, ironically, go to a therapy appointment, and my

> mother

> > thought I should stay around and so something she wanted me to

and

> be

> > very late to my appointment.) This might seem a bit minor, but it

> was

> > the straw that broke this camel's back. I told my therapist that

> it

> > was like the security system in my head went off. She started to

> mess

> > with my kids and their reality - they had seen and heard what had

> > happened - and lights started flashing, sirens wailing, and the

> gates

> > in my head came crashing down.

> >

> > Now she and my father see them once a week with us. No

> unsupervised

> > contact. This might not seem like very LC to some of you, but it

> is

> > to us. There are no phone calls in between, there is no

discussion

> of

> > anything other than stuff like the weather, etc. They are angry

> and

> > have tried various ways of trying to get us to relent, but I'm

> done.

> > The only reason I am keeping this up is for my kids. They love

> their

> > grandparents very much. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle it

> when

> > they start asking why they never go to spend the night over there

> > anymore, etc. They are now 5 and 3 and they used to do tons of

> stuff

> > with my parents. There had always been subtle undermining of my

> > husband and myself but for some reason that incident showed me

> that

> > my kids weren't safe from her, and I was just done.

> >

> > Sorry that was so very long!!!!

> >

> > Tara

> ......

>

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Sorry--I'm new to this, what does NC mean?

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Sorry--I'm new to this, what does NC mean?

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Maybe I need some of that..

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Hey folks -

Didn't want to unnecessarily alarm anyone one. This was almost 20

years ago. Now I'm NC with bro and LC with parents (who actually have

gotten much much easier do deal with as they've aged. Dad especially -

all the rage seems gone)

It's great to write this stuff to people who get it. Even well-meaning

friends say stuff sometimes like " Oh, of course he wouldn't hurt you!

He's your brother! "

LD

> > > >

> > > > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties.

> > > For years, I'd

> > > been

> > > > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone

> > > in my family, the

> > > > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both

> > > my parents would

> > > > vent for hours to me about problems in their

> > > marriage, problems at

> > > > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> > > >

> > > > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a

> > > stranger who I later

> > > > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape,

> > > and threatened to

> > > > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to

> > > outwit him, injure

> > > him,

> > > > and escape.

> > > >

> > > > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I

> > > tried to tell my

> > > family

> > > > about it.

> > > >

> > > > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who

> > > would have reimbursed

> > > > me for all the money I spent sending you to

> > > college? "

> > > >

> > > > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No

> > > daughter of mine would

> > > > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped

> > > to inquire whose

> > > > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just

> > > making a pass at

> > > > you! I hope you found him the next day and

> > > apologized to him. " I

> > > > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what

> > > had happened, and

> > > > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response.

> > > She burst into

> > > > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am

> > > not sympathetic?

> > > > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> > > >

> > > > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about

> > > this? You haven't

> > > > even asked about MY day! "

> > > >

> > > > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I

> > > considered it a sort of

> > > big

> > > > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what

> > > the big deal was

> > > > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three

> > > minutes of a woman's

> > > > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was

> > > " selfish " for --

> > > > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> > > >

> > > > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could

> > > possibly have done that

> > > > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them

> > > again? And raged

> > > > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had

> > > become.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> ______________________________________________________________________

> ______________

> > Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

> > with the Yahoo! Search weather shortcut.

> > http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#loc_weather

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey folks -

Didn't want to unnecessarily alarm anyone one. This was almost 20

years ago. Now I'm NC with bro and LC with parents (who actually have

gotten much much easier do deal with as they've aged. Dad especially -

all the rage seems gone)

It's great to write this stuff to people who get it. Even well-meaning

friends say stuff sometimes like " Oh, of course he wouldn't hurt you!

He's your brother! "

LD

> > > >

> > > > My breaking point came when I was in my twenties.

> > > For years, I'd

> > > been

> > > > the emotional confidant and supporter of everyone

> > > in my family, the

> > > > one everyone turned to when they needed help. Both

> > > my parents would

> > > > vent for hours to me about problems in their

> > > marriage, problems at

> > > > work, etc, from the time I was quite small.

> > > >

> > > > Then one day I needed help. I was attacked by a

> > > stranger who I later

> > > > learned was a serial rapist. He attempted to rape,

> > > and threatened to

> > > > murder me. By the grace of God, I was able to

> > > outwit him, injure

> > > him,

> > > > and escape.

> > > >

> > > > I thought I couldn't feel much worse, until I

> > > tried to tell my

> > > family

> > > > about it.

> > > >

> > > > BPD Dad's response: " If he had killed you, who

> > > would have reimbursed

> > > > me for all the money I spent sending you to

> > > college? "

> > > >

> > > > Mom's: " It never happened, you are lying. No

> > > daughter of mine would

> > > > get raped. " When I pointed out he hardly stopped

> > > to inquire whose

> > > > daughter I was, she retorted " He was probably just

> > > making a pass at

> > > > you! I hope you found him the next day and

> > > apologized to him. " I

> > > > explained again, in horrible graphic detail, what

> > > had happened, and

> > > > that I had hoped for a more sympathetic response.

> > > She burst into

> > > > tears. " How dare you insult me by saying that I am

> > > not sympathetic?

> > > > Now you owe me an apology, too! "

> > > >

> > > > BPD Bro's: " How long are you going to go on about

> > > this? You haven't

> > > > even asked about MY day! "

> > > >

> > > > When I tried to explain to bro that, um, I

> > > considered it a sort of

> > > big

> > > > deal, he commented that he " didn't understand what

> > > the big deal was

> > > > about rape, anyway. It only took two or three

> > > minutes of a woman's

> > > > time, and made a guy so happy " . He then said I was

> > > " selfish " for --

> > > > you guessed it -- fighting off the rapist.

> > > >

> > > > Then they wondered WHAT on EARTH they could

> > > possibly have done that

> > > > was so TERRIBLE that I wouldn't want to visit them

> > > again? And raged

> > > > about how " selfish " and " cold-hearted " I had

> > > become.

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> ______________________________________________________________________

> ______________

> > Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

> > with the Yahoo! Search weather shortcut.

> > http://tools.search.yahoo.com/shortcuts/#loc_weather

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Sorry--I'm new to this, what does NC mean?

>

>

>

> ************************************** See what's free at

http://www.aol.com.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

No Contact!!

XX5000X@... wrote: Sorry--I'm new to this, what does NC mean?

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

No Contact!!

XX5000X@... wrote: Sorry--I'm new to this, what does NC mean?

************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com.

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

You're welcome, I hope I helped. Sorry for the delay in response, I

am offline on weekends. My ex took my computer.

I remember how hard it is and exhausting to deal with BPD. The

attacks, broken boundaries, all of it. You're right that they pretty

much ruin family gatherings- they have to have everyone's attention

24-7 and nothing else in acceptable.

God, when my mom was alive I was so tired, so so tired. I understand

completely.

Hang in there, you are on the right path, you are trying to heal and

learn from your experiences and work on you.

Even with my mom gone, this sight helps because I still react the

same as other KO's and I have to change my reactions and patterns.

Its up to me now to break the cycle.

Much love,

>

> thank you so much for your insightful post, !! It makes

total sense

> to me...my nada is nasty and has gotten nastier towards me in the

past 5

> years, that I'm looking forward to her death..to free me from her

constant

> attacks. I am tired of having to keep my defenses up , and I'm

tired of

> never enjoying myself around my family, she always ruins it. I

understand a

> lot of this is me also, that I need to learn that my attitude

needs to

> change, but after 48 years, this is not an easy task, and sometimes

I still

> think I shouldn't have to...I'm new at this healing, having only

started a

> year ago going to a therapist..so I know I'll get better...life

will be so

> much easier once my nada is gone...no one will tell me I'm a stupid

> worthless excuse for a human being that she should have killed when

she had

> the chance...which is why I've gone about 99% NC...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Hi Jackie,

> You don't sound cold to me, before my mom died I did wish for it

> many times.

> To answer your question, now I worry about sounding cold, life is

> easier now that she's gone. I can answer my phone without worrying,

> I can come to work without having to explain to everyone at work

that

> my mom calls constantly- no matter how much I ask her not to, I can

> come home without worrying she is standing on my doorstep bleeding,

> hoidays are not such an issue, I don't feel like I'm being hit by a

> bus all the time, my life is definitely more manageable.

>

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

You're welcome, I hope I helped. Sorry for the delay in response, I

am offline on weekends. My ex took my computer.

I remember how hard it is and exhausting to deal with BPD. The

attacks, broken boundaries, all of it. You're right that they pretty

much ruin family gatherings- they have to have everyone's attention

24-7 and nothing else in acceptable.

God, when my mom was alive I was so tired, so so tired. I understand

completely.

Hang in there, you are on the right path, you are trying to heal and

learn from your experiences and work on you.

Even with my mom gone, this sight helps because I still react the

same as other KO's and I have to change my reactions and patterns.

Its up to me now to break the cycle.

Much love,

>

> thank you so much for your insightful post, !! It makes

total sense

> to me...my nada is nasty and has gotten nastier towards me in the

past 5

> years, that I'm looking forward to her death..to free me from her

constant

> attacks. I am tired of having to keep my defenses up , and I'm

tired of

> never enjoying myself around my family, she always ruins it. I

understand a

> lot of this is me also, that I need to learn that my attitude

needs to

> change, but after 48 years, this is not an easy task, and sometimes

I still

> think I shouldn't have to...I'm new at this healing, having only

started a

> year ago going to a therapist..so I know I'll get better...life

will be so

> much easier once my nada is gone...no one will tell me I'm a stupid

> worthless excuse for a human being that she should have killed when

she had

> the chance...which is why I've gone about 99% NC...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Hi Jackie,

> You don't sound cold to me, before my mom died I did wish for it

> many times.

> To answer your question, now I worry about sounding cold, life is

> easier now that she's gone. I can answer my phone without worrying,

> I can come to work without having to explain to everyone at work

that

> my mom calls constantly- no matter how much I ask her not to, I can

> come home without worrying she is standing on my doorstep bleeding,

> hoidays are not such an issue, I don't feel like I'm being hit by a

> bus all the time, my life is definitely more manageable.

>

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

You're welcome, I hope I helped. Sorry for the delay in response, I

am offline on weekends. My ex took my computer.

I remember how hard it is and exhausting to deal with BPD. The

attacks, broken boundaries, all of it. You're right that they pretty

much ruin family gatherings- they have to have everyone's attention

24-7 and nothing else in acceptable.

God, when my mom was alive I was so tired, so so tired. I understand

completely.

Hang in there, you are on the right path, you are trying to heal and

learn from your experiences and work on you.

Even with my mom gone, this sight helps because I still react the

same as other KO's and I have to change my reactions and patterns.

Its up to me now to break the cycle.

Much love,

>

> thank you so much for your insightful post, !! It makes

total sense

> to me...my nada is nasty and has gotten nastier towards me in the

past 5

> years, that I'm looking forward to her death..to free me from her

constant

> attacks. I am tired of having to keep my defenses up , and I'm

tired of

> never enjoying myself around my family, she always ruins it. I

understand a

> lot of this is me also, that I need to learn that my attitude

needs to

> change, but after 48 years, this is not an easy task, and sometimes

I still

> think I shouldn't have to...I'm new at this healing, having only

started a

> year ago going to a therapist..so I know I'll get better...life

will be so

> much easier once my nada is gone...no one will tell me I'm a stupid

> worthless excuse for a human being that she should have killed when

she had

> the chance...which is why I've gone about 99% NC...

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Hi Jackie,

> You don't sound cold to me, before my mom died I did wish for it

> many times.

> To answer your question, now I worry about sounding cold, life is

> easier now that she's gone. I can answer my phone without worrying,

> I can come to work without having to explain to everyone at work

that

> my mom calls constantly- no matter how much I ask her not to, I can

> come home without worrying she is standing on my doorstep bleeding,

> hoidays are not such an issue, I don't feel like I'm being hit by a

> bus all the time, my life is definitely more manageable.

>

[Guest guest]

LD,

Again, these stories are so empowering. I was never sexually assaulted, but your

parents

sound just like my mom. Especially that " now you owe me an apology " .

If there's one thing she taught me, it's how to apologize. I am the master of

thorough

heartfelt apologies, I can even do it when I have no idea what I'm apologizing

for:)

Mel

[Guest guest]

LD,

Again, these stories are so empowering. I was never sexually assaulted, but your

parents

sound just like my mom. Especially that " now you owe me an apology " .

If there's one thing she taught me, it's how to apologize. I am the master of

thorough

heartfelt apologies, I can even do it when I have no idea what I'm apologizing

for:)

Mel

[Guest guest]

Mel,

I think most of us are masters at apologizes. We are always in the wrong, and

they are NEVER wrong, so why should THEY apologize.

Janie

junkinthere wrote:

LD,

Again, these stories are so empowering. I was never sexually assaulted, but your

parents

sound just like my mom. Especially that " now you owe me an apology " .

If there's one thing she taught me, it's how to apologize. I am the master of

thorough

heartfelt apologies, I can even do it when I have no idea what I'm apologizing

for:)

Mel