Re: What was your breaking point?

March 28, 2007

Well, I should have wised up years ago -- considering all I put up

with from them. My " breaking point " was almost anti-climactic.

I asked my mother to come to the lake with us to celebrate Mother's

Day. It was my husband's idea. I had asked him " What should I do

for mom for mother's day? He said " Ask her to join us at the lake.

The kids and I will treat both of you to brunch. "

I called and said " Hey! How about coming with us and celebrating a

nice Mother's Day weekend at the lake!! "

No hesitation -- " Thanks, but I'll pass. "

That was the last in a long line of cancellations and no-shows and I

realized " Why the heck do I try so hard with them? Why do I keep

thinking we're going to be this normal, happy family when they don't

give a rip? " Absolutely NO EFFORT is expended from them to nurture

a relationship with us.

It finally dawned on me at that moment. I quit worrying what to do

about this holiday or that one -- Just stuck cards in the mail for

Father's Day.

Got a nasty e-mail from Dad about a month later -- chastising me for

not contacting them. What a self-serving load that was -- he put

ALL OF IT in my lap. Even said " Bite the bullet and call your

mother. " Something in me snapped and I thought: " BULLS--- " . NO

MORE. (Bite the bullet? What an odd thing to say! " Force Yourself " )

He conveniently left out all the times we'd tried to get together

with them, only to be turned down or stood up. It doesn't take long

to realize when someone's not interested in seeing you. I had no

guilt whatsoever about my part in trying to get us together. I was

done trying. It was a RELIEF.

Now, He just wants it to be all my fault.

Awhile back, my mother told me that my father said to her that my

brother was " his " and I was hers. How does that old song go? " A

girl for you, a boy for me. " It seems to be true. He calls my

brother every single day. The only reason he calls me (which is

never) is to chew me out for not calling the Witch.

No, thanks. It's weird having no contact, but so be it. I'm done.

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007