Re: What was your breaking point?

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

Your ordeal just illustrates how they have no empathy for anyone

else -- they're just out to use anyone they can. Self-centeredness

to the max.

At least you woke up!

-Kyla

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

March 28, 2007

I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the

desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so

during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three year

old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -

but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious. I ran

away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she droved

up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty much

made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years more

before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken foot

incident.

I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives and

even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling of

going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for ever

bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the back.

Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot. Something

about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it for

the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness, etc. No

love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the last

breaking point.

Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and work it

out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart, she

loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete blatant

IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully told

THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

and invisible, no validation as a human being.

Cristie

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough and

you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

angry, or how did you feel?

March 28, 2007