Re: What was your breaking point?

[Guest guest]

>I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

>it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

and invisible, no validation as a human being.

I'm so sorry, Christie :-( I know how rough that is. My relatives always

say " but she's still your mother " like it's OK that she's so abusive and I

should put up with it because she birthed me...that's just wrong. One of

many reasons I love animals so much...they love unconditionally.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish is how

other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor take

>it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell alien

and invisible, no validation as a human being.

I'm so sorry, Christie :-( I know how rough that is. My relatives always

say " but she's still your mother " like it's OK that she's so abusive and I

should put up with it because she birthed me...that's just wrong. One of

many reasons I love animals so much...they love unconditionally.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

oh. Sylvia, your story is so sad, but glad you finally got out from under

your nada !! How is your daughter doing now ??

Jackie

I think the irony of dealing with a daughter who had cancer surgery,

and a nada who was upset because I wouldn't agree with her that

dishrag was stupid was the turing point. For nada, it is always

about her. As a mother, she should have been supporting me in my

efforts to support my daughter. But that was never going to

happen.

[Guest guest]

oh. Sylvia, your story is so sad, but glad you finally got out from under

your nada !! How is your daughter doing now ??

Jackie

I think the irony of dealing with a daughter who had cancer surgery,

and a nada who was upset because I wouldn't agree with her that

dishrag was stupid was the turing point. For nada, it is always

about her. As a mother, she should have been supporting me in my

efforts to support my daughter. But that was never going to

happen.

[Guest guest]

oh. Sylvia, your story is so sad, but glad you finally got out from under

your nada !! How is your daughter doing now ??

Jackie

I think the irony of dealing with a daughter who had cancer surgery,

and a nada who was upset because I wouldn't agree with her that

dishrag was stupid was the turing point. For nada, it is always

about her. As a mother, she should have been supporting me in my

efforts to support my daughter. But that was never going to

happen.

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to respond to all of the stories, but something weird is going on with

duplicate

posts and I don't want to add too much to the pile-up.

These stories are so powerful. Thank you all for being so willing to share such

painful

memories. As one person said, each victory in reclaiming your life is a victory

for all of us.

Hearing your stories gives me strength and resolve, and helps me feel empowered.

It's never

easy, but as all of you have shown, even in the most compromising of situations,

we have a

choice to save ourselves.

I hope we can continue the discussion.

Melany

[Guest guest]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to respond to all of the stories, but something weird is going on with

duplicate

posts and I don't want to add too much to the pile-up.

These stories are so powerful. Thank you all for being so willing to share such

painful

memories. As one person said, each victory in reclaiming your life is a victory

for all of us.

Hearing your stories gives me strength and resolve, and helps me feel empowered.

It's never

easy, but as all of you have shown, even in the most compromising of situations,

we have a

choice to save ourselves.

I hope we can continue the discussion.

Melany

[Guest guest]

Actually, the irony was that she (his daughter) and I were friends

before he and my mom got together. I knew about when it happened, I

knew every detail, I sat in the car while she went inside and bailed

him out of jail, then watch in a three week time frame how she dumped

him, took him back, then asked him to move in with us. *shakes head*

His daughter went to live with her mom, and I never saw her again.

[Guest guest]

Actually, the irony was that she (his daughter) and I were friends

before he and my mom got together. I knew about when it happened, I

knew every detail, I sat in the car while she went inside and bailed

him out of jail, then watch in a three week time frame how she dumped

him, took him back, then asked him to move in with us. *shakes head*

His daughter went to live with her mom, and I never saw her again.

[Guest guest]

it's been very interesting reading everyone's posts on their breaking points

with Nada and Fada. my heart goes out to you all. isn't it heartbreaking to see

how far we will all go with our Nadas and Fadas?

My breaking point was 4 years ago at my little brother's wedding. I flew into

town, and 10 minutes later got a phone call that my brother and nada were on the

side of the highway. She'd gotten in a big fight with my brother (on his wedding

weekend- screaming at him that he would buy gifts and write and call his fiance

but not his own mother [abondonment issues]) she then opened the car door at 50

miles an hour and jumped out. the state police where there by the time I got

there. That was the beginning of one of the worst weekends of my life. She

treated my brother's fiancee like she was trash, and raged the whole weekend.

She was clinging to my brother -even following him to the bathroom and begging

he call her on his wedding night.

I always thought I was the bad kid and deserved to take that treatment from

nada but when I finally saw her treat my brother- who was a great person, that

way, it hit me- i think something's wrong with my mother. It was then that I

entered therapy and found out she had BPD. I haven't had much of a relationship

with her since then- since I've placed boundaries that she's shown she can't

keep.

smhtrain2 wrote:

It's been

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

---------------------------------

We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love

(and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list.

[Guest guest]

it's been very interesting reading everyone's posts on their breaking points

with Nada and Fada. my heart goes out to you all. isn't it heartbreaking to see

how far we will all go with our Nadas and Fadas?

My breaking point was 4 years ago at my little brother's wedding. I flew into

town, and 10 minutes later got a phone call that my brother and nada were on the

side of the highway. She'd gotten in a big fight with my brother (on his wedding

weekend- screaming at him that he would buy gifts and write and call his fiance

but not his own mother [abondonment issues]) she then opened the car door at 50

miles an hour and jumped out. the state police where there by the time I got

there. That was the beginning of one of the worst weekends of my life. She

treated my brother's fiancee like she was trash, and raged the whole weekend.

She was clinging to my brother -even following him to the bathroom and begging

he call her on his wedding night.

I always thought I was the bad kid and deserved to take that treatment from

nada but when I finally saw her treat my brother- who was a great person, that

way, it hit me- i think something's wrong with my mother. It was then that I

entered therapy and found out she had BPD. I haven't had much of a relationship

with her since then- since I've placed boundaries that she's shown she can't

keep.

smhtrain2 wrote:

It's been

>

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am just curious, when did you finally realize enough was enough

and

> you could no longer tolerate abusive behavior from your BPD parent?

> When did you really realize that you were being abused? Did you get

> angry, or how did you feel?

>

> For me, as I indicated in another post it came after she used me up

> for everything I had, and then still asked for more. She is really

bad

> with money, and completely irresponsible about it. I've been

> continually rescuing her when she couldn't pay her hotel bill,

> couldn't afford her medication for a lung infection, couldn't pay

her

> $1500 cell phone bill (who the hell was she talking to??), couldn't

> pay her rent, when she got in trouble with the IRS, etc. I've been

a

> student for most of this time, so I actually don't have an income,

and

> as such I've had to put mostly all of this on my credit card. I've

> missed out on every spring break and so many other things because

the

> money I set aside went to my mom. I also felt guilty spending any

> money on myself.

>

> Recently I got to the point where I couldn't afford the monthly

> payments on my credit cards, and I was (still am) totally broke and

> restricted financially because of all of this debt. I had to say no

> when she asked me for rent money, and I felt horrible. She told me

all

> of these stories about how hard it is to find housing in her area

and

> they don't care about homeless people, on and on. I really felt

like I

> was about to just let my mom become homeless and not do anything

about

> it. The problem was if I helped her, I would end up ruining my

credit

> and generally impairing myself financially in ways I can't handle.

I

> guess not having good credit was the endpoint for me.

>

> When I started to get mad was when she kept asking me after I said

no:

>

> 1) She asked me for $500 to pay her phone bill, and she said her

phone

> would be turned off in 2 days if she didn't pay it. I said no

because

> I really had nothing left, and I felt horrible about it. Then she

> calls me 4 days later and acts like nothing happened. She tells me

> that she called the phone company and worked something out.

>

> 2) Next she asked me to ask my father's father for money for her so

> she could pay the rent and wouldn't be homeless. This is her

> ex-husband's father, and they got divoriced 15 years ago.

>

> 3) Then, her landlord offered to sell her cars for her to pay for

the

> rent. He sold the first one for most of the money, and was selling

the

> other one for the rest of the amount owed. She called and asked for

> $700 so that she could still have a car. (There is public

> transportation in the area to take her to work.)

>

> I can't even say how these things made me feel, but I'm sure you

all

> can guess. I felt like I was doing my best to hold up a wall that I

> was convinced would fall at any moment if I let go. Then I ran out

of

> energy and absolutely could not hold it up anymore, so I let go,

> expecting it to come crashing down, ready for the consequences.

Then,

> it didn't fall down at all. It didn't even crumble a little. And

now I

> feel so fucking used and stupid, and angry. And I'm not holding up

> that damn wall ever again.

>

> I know this is really long, but this is the first time in my life I

> have anyone with whom I can talk about these things. There was even

> more, but I cut it out because this post is way too long. Thanks

for

> reading it if you actually made it to the end.

>

> I would really like to know what caused you all to realize that

things

> weren't right.

>

> Melany

>

---------------------------------

We won't tell. Get more on shows you hate to love

(and love to hate): Yahoo! TV's Guilty Pleasures list.

[Guest guest]

The broken foot was the best thing that happend to me. I could see things that

were real not as PB would have me believe forever. There are worse things that

could have happened. ...I dont know if it was inner strength so much as a mixed

blessing from another unrelated tragedy. Childhood illness age two-three which

prevented me from bonding naturally to " mother " . So detachment comes naturally.

I dont have some conflicts others describe of guilt, wanting to believe the

parent

is right, etc. It all just felt very wrong from day one. My brother

unfortunatley

bonded close to her since birth. He is her favourite, could do no wrong and once

referred to him as her greek " Adonis " of a god. Sick sick sick. Today he is a

basket case.

I dont know about healing. This dark thing follows me wherever i go.

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you to realize

what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

---

I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the desire

to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so during aone of her

severest of beatings I realized she was a three year old trapped in an adults

body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -but didn't think i had a right to

complain as relatives and family members " looked the other way " whenever

problems were so obvious. I ran away several times. Once i was on the phone

calling cops but she drove up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for

two days.

[Guest guest]

The broken foot was the best thing that happend to me. I could see things that

were real not as PB would have me believe forever. There are worse things that

could have happened. ...I dont know if it was inner strength so much as a mixed

blessing from another unrelated tragedy. Childhood illness age two-three which

prevented me from bonding naturally to " mother " . So detachment comes naturally.

I dont have some conflicts others describe of guilt, wanting to believe the

parent

is right, etc. It all just felt very wrong from day one. My brother

unfortunatley

bonded close to her since birth. He is her favourite, could do no wrong and once

referred to him as her greek " Adonis " of a god. Sick sick sick. Today he is a

basket case.

I dont know about healing. This dark thing follows me wherever i go.

Wow, that is awful Cristie. That took so much inner strength for you to realize

what was going on. I hope you are healing now.

---

I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having the desire

to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or so during aone of her

severest of beatings I realized she was a three year old trapped in an adults

body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being abused -but didn't think i had a right to

complain as relatives and family members " looked the other way " whenever

problems were so obvious. I ran away several times. Once i was on the phone

calling cops but she drove up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for

two days.

[Guest guest]

My breaking point was that she promised to come to an

event and support me, then backed out. Instead of

contacting me (and I had a cell phone with me, so it

was not difficult), she passed along the message via

my dad's girlfriend. I had told people she knew that

she might be at this event, so it made me feel bad as

well. Then, when I confronted her, she accused me of

ignoring *her* feelings and how could I possibly

expect someone with her health issues to go to

something like that and how I was selfish. We've all

heard it before.

That led to a kind of NC broken up when my grandfather

(her father) died. I resumed contact briefly. Then I

moved to Europe and she emailed me regularly. While I

was living there (and she was in North America), she

sent me a suicide note by email, which she also copied

to my aunt who lives on the other side of the country.

On Good Friday no less. And that was the last straw.

is

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Get your own web address.

Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.

http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL

[Guest guest]

My breaking point was that she promised to come to an

event and support me, then backed out. Instead of

contacting me (and I had a cell phone with me, so it

was not difficult), she passed along the message via

my dad's girlfriend. I had told people she knew that

she might be at this event, so it made me feel bad as

well. Then, when I confronted her, she accused me of

ignoring *her* feelings and how could I possibly

expect someone with her health issues to go to

something like that and how I was selfish. We've all

heard it before.

That led to a kind of NC broken up when my grandfather

(her father) died. I resumed contact briefly. Then I

moved to Europe and she emailed me regularly. While I

was living there (and she was in North America), she

sent me a suicide note by email, which she also copied

to my aunt who lives on the other side of the country.

On Good Friday no less. And that was the last straw.

is

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Get your own web address.

Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.

http://smallbusiness.yahoo.com/domains/?p=BESTDEAL

[Guest guest]

Cristie,

I share your feelings of lonliness and pain when the people around

don't believe the abuse or minimize our stories. I'm so sorry that

you've felt that too.

I remember in UBM when the author compares KO's to holocaust victims

who feared that know one knew what was going on or even cared.

It's so ironic and painful to me that my nada taught me a lot about

compassion for others, and yet was still abusive to me. I remember

when I was five or so, my sis and I were in the mall with her and she

say a mother just lose it with her two kids. Screaming at them and

threatening them. My mother stepped up to her and said, " I can see

you're having a really bad time. Can I help? Can I watch your kids

for a little bit here while you have a chance to cool off? " The woman

didn't accepting the invitation and denied anything was wrong, but I

felt safe that my mom had tried to help the kids.

[Guest guest]

Cristie,

I share your feelings of lonliness and pain when the people around

don't believe the abuse or minimize our stories. I'm so sorry that

you've felt that too.

I remember in UBM when the author compares KO's to holocaust victims

who feared that know one knew what was going on or even cared.

It's so ironic and painful to me that my nada taught me a lot about

compassion for others, and yet was still abusive to me. I remember

when I was five or so, my sis and I were in the mall with her and she

say a mother just lose it with her two kids. Screaming at them and

threatening them. My mother stepped up to her and said, " I can see

you're having a really bad time. Can I help? Can I watch your kids

for a little bit here while you have a chance to cool off? " The woman

didn't accepting the invitation and denied anything was wrong, but I

felt safe that my mom had tried to help the kids.

[Guest guest]

I never got a chance to answer this when it first came up, so sorry

I'm late!

I feel like my whole life before my mom died was a breaking point!!!

Her attempts at attention became much much severe as she got older.

There were so many breaking points, but I never went NC with her. I

was in limited contact, but she had no respect for boudaries and

would wait for hours at my home for me to arrive. Usually when I

came home she would have cut herself and be bleeding all over the

porch. Her self injury got really bad the last few years of her life.

>

> Cristie,

>

> I share your feelings of lonliness and pain when the people around

> don't believe the abuse or minimize our stories. I'm so sorry that

> you've felt that too.

>

> I remember in UBM when the author compares KO's to holocaust

victims

> who feared that know one knew what was going on or even cared.

>

> It's so ironic and painful to me that my nada taught me a lot about

> compassion for others, and yet was still abusive to me. I remember

> when I was five or so, my sis and I were in the mall with her and

she

> say a mother just lose it with her two kids. Screaming at them and

> threatening them. My mother stepped up to her and said, " I can see

> you're having a really bad time. Can I help? Can I watch your

kids

> for a little bit here while you have a chance to cool off? " The

woman

> didn't accepting the invitation and denied anything was wrong, but

I

> felt safe that my mom had tried to help the kids.

>

[Guest guest]

I never got a chance to answer this when it first came up, so sorry

I'm late!

I feel like my whole life before my mom died was a breaking point!!!

Her attempts at attention became much much severe as she got older.

There were so many breaking points, but I never went NC with her. I

was in limited contact, but she had no respect for boudaries and

would wait for hours at my home for me to arrive. Usually when I

came home she would have cut herself and be bleeding all over the

porch. Her self injury got really bad the last few years of her life.

>

> Cristie,

>

> I share your feelings of lonliness and pain when the people around

> don't believe the abuse or minimize our stories. I'm so sorry that

> you've felt that too.

>

> I remember in UBM when the author compares KO's to holocaust

victims

> who feared that know one knew what was going on or even cared.

>

> It's so ironic and painful to me that my nada taught me a lot about

> compassion for others, and yet was still abusive to me. I remember

> when I was five or so, my sis and I were in the mall with her and

she

> say a mother just lose it with her two kids. Screaming at them and

> threatening them. My mother stepped up to her and said, " I can see

> you're having a really bad time. Can I help? Can I watch your

kids

> for a little bit here while you have a chance to cool off? " The

woman

> didn't accepting the invitation and denied anything was wrong, but

I

> felt safe that my mom had tried to help the kids.

>

[Guest guest]

so, it is easier now that she's gone ? I don't mean to sound " cold " or

anything, but deep inside me, I can't wait for that day to come...but she

goen on and on...like the energizer bunny...she'll probably outlive all of

us !!

Jackie

I never got a chance to answer this when it first came up, so sorry

I'm late!

I feel like my whole life before my mom died was a breaking point!!!

Her attempts at attention became much much severe as she got older.

There were so many breaking points, but I never went NC with her. I

was in limited contact, but she had no respect for boudaries and

would wait for hours at my home for me to arrive. Usually when I

came home she would have cut herself and be bleeding all over the

porch. Her self injury got really bad the last few years of her life.

[Guest guest]

arg! me too, jackie! i'm afraid my nada is going to live FOREVER.

funny because she's claimed to have like 1,237 diseases, even telling

me on a daily basis (when i was in high school) that she's " dying " .

she used to have a dry-erase calender in the kitchen that documented

how many days she went with out eating(that she would point out to

every person in the household, including anyone who visited)...it got

up to around 246 days. i remember thinking, " god, if only that were

true... "

i'm sorry if that offends you, kristen. i don't want to minimize your

mother's loss. but i'm with jackie - sort of waiting for the day so i

can feel like i'm free from any potential disaster that she conjures up.

love,

chrisitne.

>

> so, it is easier now that she's gone ? I don't mean to sound " cold " or

> anything, but deep inside me, I can't wait for that day to

come...but she

> goen on and on...like the energizer bunny...she'll probably outlive

all of

> us !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

> I never got a chance to answer this when it first came up, so sorry

> I'm late!

> I feel like my whole life before my mom died was a breaking point!!!

> Her attempts at attention became much much severe as she got older.

> There were so many breaking points, but I never went NC with her. I

> was in limited contact, but she had no respect for boudaries and

> would wait for hours at my home for me to arrive. Usually when I

> came home she would have cut herself and be bleeding all over the

> porch. Her self injury got really bad the last few years of her life.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cristie,

You have my validation, even though we really don't know each

other. Yes, it is so hard to deal with these 'well meaning' family

members. They are locked into the assumption that a mother is

always loving, caring and nurturing. But we know different.

Sylvia

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having

the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or

so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three

year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being

abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious.

I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she

droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty

much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years

more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken

foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives

and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling

of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for

ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the

back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot.

Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it

for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness,

etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the

last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and

work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart,

she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete

blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully

told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish

is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor

take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell

alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

>......

[Guest guest]

Cristie,

You have my validation, even though we really don't know each

other. Yes, it is so hard to deal with these 'well meaning' family

members. They are locked into the assumption that a mother is

always loving, caring and nurturing. But we know different.

Sylvia

>

> I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having

the

> desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or

so

> during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three

year

> old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being

abused -

> but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious.

I ran

> away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she

droved

> up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

>

> When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty

much

> made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years

more

> before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken

foot

> incident.

>

> I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives

and

> even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling

of

> going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for

ever

> bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the

back.

>

> Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot.

Something

> about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it

for

> the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness,

etc. No

> love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the

last

> breaking point.

>

> Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and

work it

> out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart,

she

> loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete

blatant

> IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully

told

> THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

>

> I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish

is how

> other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor

take

> it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell

alien

> and invisible, no validation as a human being.

>

> Cristie

>......

[Guest guest]

>arg! me too, jackie! i'm afraid my nada is going to live FOREVER.

funny because she's claimed to have like 1,237 diseases, even telling

me on a daily basis (when i was in high school) that she's " dying " .

>she used to have a dry-erase calender in the kitchen that documented

how many days she went with out eating(that she would point out to

every person in the household, including anyone who visited)...it got

up to around 246 days. i remember thinking, " god, if only that were

>true... "

thanks, thats a relief to know I'm not the only one in the world who can't

wait until my nada dies :-( (how sad is that ??) my nada has had lymphoma

cancer 2X now..went through chemo 2x, radiation, surgery...and she's STILL

as healthy/strong as a horse !! her last oncology check up was all

clear...she's been cancer free for 3 years now ( last time it was 6

years)...she still lives at home and gets around just fine...your nada went

246 days without eating ?? wow, she really is a cactus !!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

i second that, cristie. good for you for putting your foot down (no

pun intended).

i hope you continue to stay strong in the face of your family...

love, christine.

> >

> > I allways knew she was sick. Just never ever remember ever having

> the

> > desire to be held by her, nor did i miss her presense. age six or

> so

> > during aone of her severest of beatings I realized she was a three

> year

> > old trapped in an adults body. Age ten or so I KNEW I was being

> abused -

> > but didn't think i had a right to complain as relatives and family

> > members " looked the other way " whenever problems were so obvious.

> I ran

> > away several times. Once i was on the phone calling cops but she

> droved

> > up out of nowhere. She was then nice and rational for two days.

> >

> > When she held a knife under my throat at age sixteen. It pretty

> much

> > made me detach from her in my mind. Course it was several years

> more

> > before i could phycically detach and even longer before the broken

> foot

> > incident.

> >

> > I did start to talk about age twenty or so. Big mistake. Relatives

> and

> > even COUNSELORS, deny, minimize, etc. I just sank ever deeper into

> > despair and lonliness. Words cannot describe the sinking feeling

> of

> > going to " loving " relatives who brush it off and laugh at you for

> ever

> > bringing it up. Or they pretend to " care " then stab you in the

> back.

> >

> > Final breaking point: I woke up one day with a broken foot.

> Something

> > about it made me really see PB for what she really was. just in it

> for

> > the control and selfish interests of filling her own emptiness,

> etc. No

> > love, no " best intentions " etc. at all. I realized nothing was

> > inherently " wrong " with me. SO i cut off all ties. That was the

> last

> > breaking point.

> >

> > Relatives still had the gall to try and get us to " reunite and

> work it

> > out, learn to get along, shes your mother, find it in your heart,

> she

> > loves you. blah blah blah. " The minimizing, denial and complete

> blatant

> > IGNORING what went on in front of thier eyes, things i tearfully

> told

> > THEM. But they just would NOT take me seriously. I finally had to

> > decide for myself. this is not good - they are WRONG.

> >

> > I can get over the abuse i really can. what give me such anguish

> is how

> > other people close to her and relatives just dont believe me, nor

> take

> > it seriously. They think i am still in the WRONG somehow. I fell

> alien

> > and invisible, no validation as a human being.

> >

> > Cristie

> >......

>