Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Sounds like the classic debate between " tough love " versus " enabling. " IMO, this is the wrong debate Who do we believe? My daughter is 14 and has been troubled by Chronic Fatigue/ME for three years. This takes the form of regular viruses and infections (particularly ear infections) which lay her very low. On the other hand she does manage to function on a day to day basis. She is learning guitar, will walk a mile (although tired afterwards) and enjoys the odd concert, listens to a lot of music, surfs the internet etc. We have tried many different approaches with varying degrees of success. We were referred to a homoepathic doctor by a psychiatrist and we also seem to finally have a GP who understands the condition. Both these doctors recommend not pushing my daughter but trying to encourage her up to what she feels like doing and then allowing rest. The educational psychologist who deals with my daughter (she has been absent from school for much of the three years) seems to think that a more rigid regime is required and that we should set deadines for my daughter's return to school. He is therefore at odds somewhat with the medical advice. My daughter says that the doctor (GP) and homoepathic doctor both understand what she's going through. She feels pressured by the psychologist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Sorry my other email sent before I finished typing. This sounds like the classic debate of " tough love " versus " enabling " But I think this is the wrong debate. It's " tough love " versus " being an unconditioanlly supportive parent " . and rightfully so, in regard to being supportive. I don't think " helping " and " understanding " and letting your child rest is enabling at all. It's probably what she needs. I don't think the tough love approach by the educational psychologist will do anything but breed resentment. Psychologists notoriously dismiss physical and biological evidence, claiming that everything is psychological and therefore within the realm of being controlled by sheer motivation and perseverance, and I think this is recently and often proven incorrect that everything is psychological. Setting up deadlines she can't meet are a recipe for failure (and subsequent esteem problems.) She'll be ready when she's ready. Perhaps she'll need other accommmodations/extensions to complete what is necessary. And adult to go to bat for her to get these. What 14-year old *wants* to lay low? Typical 14-year olds want to be out having fun with their friends, enjoying school and doing activities. Believe yourself. You know your daughter best. If she is malingering, then you can figure out why, but it doesn't sound like it. If she needs more support and leniency, and the doctors see that, I don't see what is wrong about you supporting that. olnisa (Caveat: I'm new to this forum and only have mild fibro. My primary disorder is a sleep disorder (which is similar in that no one believes it, it's a hidden disablity, and one that often elicits reactions of " try harder " , and we all know deep down, you can just " try harder " and control something as elusive as sleep-esp when it's out of control. It does a job on my esteem.) Who do we believe? My daughter is 14 and has been troubled by Chronic Fatigue/ME for three years. This takes the form of regular viruses and infections (particularly ear infections) which lay her very low. On the other hand she does manage to function on a day to day basis. She is learning guitar, will walk a mile (although tired afterwards) and enjoys the odd concert, listens to a lot of music, surfs the internet etc. We have tried many different approaches with varying degrees of success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Believe your daughter. Confer with educational psychologist who is liaison to your daughter's school how difficult his regimen is for your daughter and if he still doesn't believe you or your daughter, let him know you trust your daughter more than him. Wow. If only ... Whatever. It's your daughter's life and she is doing more than a lot of kids with these conditions. Adults around your daughter need to know you trust her over them. And so does your daughter. toni cf-alliance.tripod.com/ from iPodTouch > The GP and the homoepathic doctor seem to be i broad agreement with each other and the psychologist is almost completely at odds with them. > > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Send the Psychologist some of the studies that have been presented on this forum concerning the Pace trials and other studies concerning GET and CGT studies and the 'harms done' by forced treatment! Not that he'd read them. BJK At 06:33 AM 8/11/2012 +0200, wrote: > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? >------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Send the Psychologist some of the studies that have been presented on this forum concerning the Pace trials and other studies concerning GET and CGT studies and the 'harms done' by forced treatment! Not that he'd read them. BJK At 06:33 AM 8/11/2012 +0200, wrote: > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? >------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 Send the Psychologist some of the studies that have been presented on this forum concerning the Pace trials and other studies concerning GET and CGT studies and the 'harms done' by forced treatment! Not that he'd read them. BJK At 06:33 AM 8/11/2012 +0200, wrote: > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? >------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 The educational psychologist is wrong, the doctors are right. Educational psychologists don't understand the physical disease that your daughter has. PLEASE listen to your daughter. ONLY she can tell you what she is up for. My parents pushed me (at the direction of the school's educational psychiatrist) and, because I wanted to be a " good son " (which I never felt like), I pushed myself and I hurt myself. I repeated this process over and over until I just couldn't do it anymore (just before I turned 17). Please don't ruin your daughter's childhood by making her feel guilty for being sick. Will your daughter take advantage of your trust? Probably, but the alternative is so much worse. My advice (based on being in her position): Have a talk with her and explain to her that it is okay to be sick and you still love her no matter how sick she gets. Like the doctor said, encourage her, but do push her. Explain to her that you are going to give her the benefit of doubt (that phrase looks weird written; you're going to trust her), but if she takes advantage of your trust and uses her illness as an excuse for not doing something when it isn't the case. Explain that you are placing a lot of trust in her and make sure that she will lose that trust if she lies. If she occasionally takes advantage in small ways, chalk it up to being a child under A LOT of stress (being a sick child isn't easy). If it becomes frequent and/or habitual or she takes advantage in any big way, nip it in the bud. Rigid regimens are TERRIBLE for people with CFS/CFIDS or ME. Educational psychologists are all about getting kids back to school and not being disruptive in the classroom. Most don't care about the wellbeing of the child, it isn't their job. Even the ones who do care about the wellbeing of the child typically view it as a secondary goal (school being the first). " The psychologist says that my daughter is favouring the docs because they are telling her what she wants to hear " Quack! (been there) The educational psychologist doesn't like that the other doctors disagree with him. Blaming the child is what every lazy educational psychologist does when they get a case that is above their head (and abilities). Is you daughter being home-schooled? Do you have cyber-charter schools where you live? In Pennsylvania, any student can take all of their classes online, at no cost to the family. Obviously, it would be irresponsible to let your daughter's education fall by the wayside, which I am not recommending. At home education is A LOT easier on children than traveling to school everyday. I hope this helps :-) Good luck with your daughter Steve M in PA ....We were referred to a homoepathic doctor by a psychiatrist and we also seem to finally have a GP who understands the condition. Both these doctors recommend not pushing my daughter but trying to encourage her up to what she feels like doing and then allowing rest. The educational psychologist who deals with my daughter (she has been absent from school for much of the three years) seems to think that a more rigid regime is required and that we should set deadines for my daughter's return to school. He is therefore at odds somewhat with the medical advice. My daughter says that the doctor (GP) and homoepathic doctor both understand what she's going through. She feels pressured by the psychologist. The psychologist says that my daughter is favouring the docs because they are telling her what she wants to hear and that she will never inmprove without some effort on her part to meet his deadlines to return to school (several of which have passed)... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2012 Report Share Posted August 11, 2012 That's CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. At 06:39 PM 8/11/2012 -0400, you wrote: >Send the Psychologist some of the studies that have been presented on >this forum concerning the Pace trials and other studies concerning >GET and CGT studies and the 'harms done' by forced treatment! > >Not that he'd read them. > >BJK > >At 06:33 AM 8/11/2012 +0200, wrote: > > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? > >------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2012 Report Share Posted August 12, 2012 Thank you for this and to everyone who has replied. I have found the Pace trial website. Does anyone have links to the GET and CGT studies? > > Like it says on the subject line....Who do we believe? > >------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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