RE:my attitude!

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,I know long time no hear or here!I am having a bad go of it right

now and I just needed to vent a little,even though I feel like I don't deserve

kind words.I am fat,it seems that even when I don't eat sweets my sugar is too

high! No carbs either!I have a lingering cold,bronchitis sinus thing happening.I

sleep with my mouth open (I know,pretty picture!) so my throat hurts most of the

day!My Fibro is in full on mode,I don't have a muscle that doesn't

hurt,especially my calves that feel like a charley horse much of the time. My

joints really hurt especially my knees,hips and shoulders! I don't want to say

anything to Bill,because he can't be here to help me from Monday to Friday and

doesn't need the extra worry! He would be here 24/7 if he could,so I don't want

to make him feel guilty.I also have a male relative who I'm not sure if he's

trying to compliment me or give me hope,but he insists on saying almost every

time I see him, " if I didn't

know better,I'd think there wasn't anything wrong with you! " well, yesterday I

had ,had enough,so I said, " gee,if I didn't know any better I'd think you were

smart! " I am normally not a mean hateful person,but the filter in my brain

obviously wasn't working!

 

The sad thing is,I have so much to be grateful for,yet when I feel sick like

this,nothing seems good!I become a selfish b---h. I hate myself, I need a good

kick in the rear and I know it. I have fabulous trips coming up, thanks to my

hubby and kids,am I looking forward to them? Yes and no! I don't want to go the

way I look and I don't feel good most days and since we're going with others,I

don't think I will be able to keep up as far as site seeing and if I say

something I will ruin everyone elses good time.I have to get myself together

fast,our first trip is coming up in just a month!I will leave it to God and hope

for the best,but I really only want to stay in bed all day every day.I know I

have depression,I just have no way to go and see someone,can't drive and nothing

is open on the week-ends! We live in a beautiful vacation town on Lake Huron,but

it is virtually a ghost town after Oct. to May. Also I have a question,I have a

very deep raspy cough of

no origin that doesn't come from my lungs.( had a CT scan) and saw a

Pulminologist.It showed the nodes I knew were there,but no reason for cough that

anyone can find.? Does anyone else have this problem?

 

Thanks for reading,I will get through this somehow and be better I hope!

love Elly

p.s.I don't smoke, but did until Dec. 16, 2007 when I had one of two heart

attacks!