Symptom/s I need to ask Others About --

[Guest guest]

Hi all--

I am awfully close to 60. Parents did live a very long time as well as one

grandparent (in late 90's all). With exception of my mom, all were damn sharp in

terms of their minds later into their time when it did come. What zi mean by

this is .. dad could still do the daily NY Times crosswords; he read, could

carry one easily a conversation except for when he got very tired (this because

he ate very little; they had to build him up quite a bit when he finally had to

go into a nursing home via a damn broken hip). For me, I was diagnosed with

Fibro/ ME/ CFS in 2002. I know I had all of 'this' because of symptoms which I'd

lived with for a long damn time (they'd worsened over perhaps a bit longer than

a decade; just undiagnosed). I am near 14 years in recovery for alcoholism and

addiction.

Question; seems as if I've lost a great deal of being able to figure out

things which used to be simple for me. Maps when traveling would be a good

example. Currently it is my damn electronics (my Mac notebook I am trying to

switch to; had used one exclusively when they first came out). I also have had a

ton of problems with a damn digital camera; I was previously conversant with SLR

cameras and processing in colour (did darkroom work with E-6 slide system and

B & W dark room which I just LOVED). My brain is just .. not working. Feel so

damned hopeless, overwhelmed by problems -particularly financhial, some of my

own making, some .. just the times. I DO have a diagnosis of major depression.

Do many others also find problems in understanding things which once came easy

or .. easier? Is the way you think, the way in which your brain 'works' rather

foreign as compared to the before-I-got-sick-era?

I was told by the shrink I have (pill doctor I call 'the shrink'; can no

longer afford a therapist or 'talk therapy' doc) that I have a 'thought

disorder' because I tend to jump from topic to topic. I will be writing or

speaking and sort of .. it's like my mind will leap ahead and go to something

else sort of although there is a relation to the original thing I was saying or

writing. I write, I always have to go back, re-read so as to correct myself so

what I've written makes sense. I tried damn hard when I saw her to get her to

name the diagnosis she'd given me but she refused; said 'I don't like to label

people.' The hell she doesn't; I think there is likely a 'name' for the

so-called thought disorder for which I was placed on some MOST disagreeable meds

and these same meds were given as well to other patients by other docs who are

in treatment with my ME/CFS/Fibro doc.

(At that time it was ADD stuff; it did terrible things to me and I stopped

taking them; the nurses at his office seemed to also be against them -the ADD

stuff- as the side effects were nasty; who wants chronic headaches as a side

effect?!)

Forgive me if I've posted this previously OR if this has been a subject

before. It is bothering me now a great deal and I simply need some feedback from

others. Thanks in advance!

Oh; for me, exercise is kind of out in terms of keeping my brain sharp as it

sends me to bed when I overdo things and now I am at a point when the exercise

is down to less than ever. (This I believe is because of stress as I have a

multitude of stress caused symptoms at the moment). Thanks to all for even

'listening; a load from my mind.

Jane, the one with the hound, NYC