Re: New to the list (long)

January 29, 2012

Aimee,

Wow! I can relate to much of what you write. Some is merely the factual stuff:

I too am brand new to this list; have been married to my husband for 5 years;

and strongly suspect he has aspergers.

Your discussion of simple courtesies and him shoving his way past you are all so

familiar. Even my dog had better manners and was appalled by my husband's

rudeness until the dog became accustomed to him. I often find myself thinking

that I would never allow my kids to behave as he does! Yet, he is hugely

insulted if I point out this poor behavior. He will point out that he was not

being rude, I was merely in his way. When we go anywhere together he walks

quickly and with total purpose--whihc means he's way ahead of me. If I stop to

tie a shoe or whatever he does not stop. I no longer try to keep up with him

but just let him go on. I find it such odd behavior I am frequently baffled as

to what to do. As time goes on I realize it has nothing to do with me

whatsoever.

We met after we each had prior marriages and we each have 3 grown children. I

am thiankful we didn't ahve childrne together. He will go for months without so

much as a call to his children, then decide he should see them, then visit for a

few hours and he's done. His well-over-thirty daughter just craves his

attention and barely gets any. They do not act as though his behavior is odd or

uncaring, but my heart bleeds for them. He finds my weekly phone calls to my

kids odd and has even accused me of being overly attached and not cutting the

ties! (and when I compare myself to others I know I really do NOT think that is

true, I think my relationships with my kids are very healthy)

As you mentioned, things were different when we first met--his entire attention

was to me. I overlooked many behaviors in the beginning as just harmless

quirks. I don't share my thoughts about his behavior with others as I just

don't think they would understand that it isn't cruelty on his part, he is truly

different. I have often accused him of missing the emptathy gene, he agrees and

laughs. all this leaves me feeling very alone very often.

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