Re: Living with someone with misophonia

[Guest guest]

Try eating together in front of TV, but with some space between you, orWith music on.I have a hard rime eating in quiet room with Hugs, but the noisier the background, the less problem.

-- Peace . . . Hawkridgein a NE Seattle 'burb

Living with someone with misophonia

Posted by: " katiebear152 "

hastekilledcreativity@...

 

katiebear152

Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:23 am (PST)

I'd like to start this off by saying I don't actually suffer from misophonia or sound sensitivity. Noises like people chewing with their mouth open, loud bass in passing cars and teeth on silverware have always been bothersome, but never to the extent that some people describe.

I originally started looking for information on this because I'm sure my

boyfriend has it. At first when I sent him a link to the sound sensitivity site he was a little.. offended I guess? He took it as me saying there's something wrong with him. But after he read through the site and realised maybe this is more than just him finding these sounds 'annoying' he was more relieved than anything. And I was too. Most of our arguements are over things like this. Things I dont even realise I'm

doing, but he notices right away and gets mad over it. In 24 years I've

never had anyone say my table manners were terrible, or I'm a loud talker, or how loud and annoying I am when I'm eating. I thought something was wrong with me.

When we were first seeing eachother I remember him being apprehensive about going out for dinner. He said he didn't like eating around people,

and at home growing up he took dinner down to his room and ate alone rather than with his family. It makes sense now as most nights if I make

dinner he takes it to another room and I sit at the table eating alone,

which really does hurt my feelings, but I know if I force him to sit and eat with me he will hate it.

I guess really I just joined this group to see if there is any advice I can get from other people who have sound sensitivity/misophonia

and what I can do for him to make life easier. I try and eat quietly and if I feel like eating something crunchy/loud I'll go to another room, but sometimes it's like talking at my normal volume is too loud or

eating as quietly as possible still results in a glare from him.

He says he even know he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. Any suggestions on what you'd appreciate from your family/friends to help

[Guest guest]

bear, your boyfriend is very fortunate to have someone as caring as you, especially since you took the initiative to try to find out what’s going on, and to try your best to make life easier for him. I know it’s hard on you, too (it’s my son, not me, that has misophonia), so I hope learning more about it and getting support from everyone here for both you and your boyfriend will help. I know the information and support here has helped immensely for me and my son. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of katiebear152Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 7:23 AMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Living with someone with misophonia I'd like to start this off by saying I don't actually suffer from misophonia or sound sensitivity. Noises like people chewing with their mouth open, loud bass in passing cars and teeth on silverware have always been bothersome, but never to the extent that some people describe. I originally started looking for information on this because I'm sure my boyfriend has it. At first when I sent him a link to the sound sensitivity site he was a little.. offended I guess? He took it as me saying there's something wrong with him. But after he read through the site and realised maybe this is more than just him finding these sounds 'annoying' he was more relieved than anything. And I was too. Most of our arguements are over things like this. Things I dont even realise I'm doing, but he notices right away and gets mad over it. In 24 years I've never had anyone say my table manners were terrible, or I'm a loud talker, or how loud and annoying I am when I'm eating. I thought something was wrong with me.When we were first seeing eachother I remember him being apprehensive about going out for dinner. He said he didn't like eating around people, and at home growing up he took dinner down to his room and ate alone rather than with his family. It makes sense now as most nights if I make dinner he takes it to another room and I sit at the table eating alone, which really does hurt my feelings, but I know if I force him to sit and eat with me he will hate it.I guess really I just joined this group to see if there is any advice I can get from other people who have sound sensitivity/misophonia and what I can do for him to make life easier. I try and eat quietly and if I feel like eating something crunchy/loud I'll go to another room, but sometimes it's like talking at my normal volume is too loud or eating as quietly as possible still results in a glare from him.He says he even know he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. Any suggestions on what you'd appreciate from your family/friends to help?

[Guest guest]

I still live at home and mom and I eat dinner in front of the TV. It really helps and she's learned to stop chewing while we fast forward through a commercial. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Friday,

January 27, 2012 11:00 AM Subject: Re: Living with someone with misophonia

Try eating together in front of TV, but with some space between you, orWith music on.I have a hard rime eating in quiet room with Hugs, but the noisier the background, the less problem.

-- Peace . . . Hawkridgein a NE Seattle 'burb

Living with someone with misophonia

Posted by: "katiebear152"

hastekilledcreativity@...

katiebear152

Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:23 am (PST)

I'd like to start this off by saying I don't actually suffer from misophonia or sound sensitivity. Noises like people chewing with their mouth open, loud bass in passing cars and teeth on silverware have always been bothersome, but never to the extent that some people describe.

I originally started looking for information on this because I'm sure my

boyfriend has it. At first when I sent him a link to the sound sensitivity site he was a little.. offended I guess? He took it as me saying there's something wrong with him. But after he read through the site and realised maybe this is more than just him finding these sounds 'annoying' he was more relieved than anything. And I was too. Most of our arguements are over things like this. Things I dont even realise I'm

doing, but he notices right away and gets mad over it. In 24 years I've

never had anyone say my table manners were terrible, or I'm a loud talker, or how loud and annoying I am when I'm eating. I thought something was wrong with me.

When we were first seeing eachother I remember him being apprehensive about going out for dinner. He said he didn't like eating around people,

and at home growing up he took dinner down to his room and ate alone rather than with his family. It makes sense now as most nights if I make

dinner he takes it to another room and I sit at the table eating alone,

which really does hurt my feelings, but I know if I force him to sit and eat with me he will hate it.

I guess really I just joined this group to see if there is any advice I can get from other people who have sound sensitivity/misophonia

and what I can do for him to make life easier. I try and eat quietly and if I feel like eating something crunchy/loud I'll go to another room, but sometimes it's like talking at my normal volume is too loud or

eating as quietly as possible still results in a glare from him.

He says he even know he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. Any suggestions on what you'd appreciate from your family/friends to help

[Guest guest]

My suggestion is to let him call the shots as much as possible. If he wants to

eat alone, let him, and don't fuss about it. That's the obvious example, but let

it apply across the board and in all situations. He is suffering.

However, the fact that he was offended when you went looking for information

seems like a red flag. He should have been relieved and grateful from the

beginning. I think the real question is whether this boyfriend will turn into a

husband. Only you can decide whether you would be better off with or without

him. Will living with him start to irritate and annoy you? Will you end up

hating him not because he has 4S but because he makes you feel bad? Are you able

to come to a negotiation that works for both of you, not just for him? These are

the important questions.

>

> I'd like to start this off by saying I don't actually suffer from misophonia

or sound sensitivity. Noises like people chewing with their mouth open, loud

bass in passing cars and teeth on silverware have always been bothersome, but

never to the extent that some people describe.

>

> I originally started looking for information on this because I'm sure my

boyfriend has it. At first when I sent him a link to the sound sensitivity site

he was a little.. offended I guess? He took it as me saying there's something

wrong with him. But after he read through the site and realised maybe this is

more than just him finding these sounds 'annoying' he was more relieved than

anything. And I was too. Most of our arguements are over things like this.

Things I dont even realise I'm doing, but he notices right away and gets mad

over it. In 24 years I've never had anyone say my table manners were terrible,

or I'm a loud talker, or how loud and annoying I am when I'm eating. I thought

something was wrong with me.

>

> When we were first seeing eachother I remember him being apprehensive about

going out for dinner. He said he didn't like eating around people, and at home

growing up he took dinner down to his room and ate alone rather than with his

family. It makes sense now as most nights if I make dinner he takes it to

another room and I sit at the table eating alone, which really does hurt my

feelings, but I know if I force him to sit and eat with me he will hate it.

>

> I guess really I just joined this group to see if there is any advice I can

get from other people who have sound sensitivity/misophonia and what I can do

for him to make life easier. I try and eat quietly and if I feel like eating

something crunchy/loud I'll go to another room, but sometimes it's like talking

at my normal volume is too loud or eating as quietly as possible still results

in a glare from him.

>

> He says he even know he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. Any

suggestions on what you'd appreciate from your family/friends to help?

>

[Guest guest]

You sound like an awesome girlfriend- the fact that you're trying to help him

and understand the problem, instead of telling him to get over himself, is

already the best thing you could be doing.

Everyone on this thread is giving really good advice, so I just wanted to add:

make sure that while you're trying to take care of your boyfriend, you're also

taking care of yourself. He does have a disability that has to be

accommodated,and that's not his fault, but he shouldn't be tearing down your

self-esteem by telling you that you have bad table manners.

Misophonia is hard on sufferers, but it's hard on their loved ones too. It

requires a lot of mutual respect to deal with this in a way that won't ruin

relationships. I suggest you sit down together and think of some strategies for

handling this, like playing music during meals, strategic use of earplugs, and

respectful ways he can tell you when a sound is bothering him.(Right: " I need to

take a break " . Wrong: " Your table manners really suck " .)

Best of luck!

-Kate

>

> I still live at home and mom and I eat dinner in front of the TV.  It really

helps and she's learned to stop chewing while we fast forward through

a commercial.  

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Friday, January 27, 2012 11:00 AM

> Subject: Re: Living with someone with misophonia

>

>

>  

>

> Try eating together in front of TV, but with some space between you, or

>

> With music on.

>

> I have a hard rime eating in quiet room with Hugs, but the noisier the

background, the less problem.

>

> --

>

> Peace . . .

>

> Hawkridge

> in a NE Seattle 'burb

>

>

> Living with someone with misophonia

> Posted by: " katiebear152 " hastekilledcreativity@...   katiebear152

> Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:23 am (PST)

>

>

> I'd like to start this off by saying I don't actually suffer from

> misophonia or sound sensitivity. Noises like people chewing with their

> mouth open, loud bass in passing cars and teeth on silverware have

> always been bothersome, but never to the extent that some people

> describe.

>

> I originally started looking for information on this because I'm sure my

> boyfriend has it. At first when I sent him a link to the sound

> sensitivity site he was a little.. offended I guess? He took it as me

> saying there's something wrong with him. But after he read through the

> site and realised maybe this is more than just him finding these sounds

> 'annoying' he was more relieved than anything. And I was too. Most of

> our arguements are over things like this. Things I dont even realise I'm

> doing, but he notices right away and gets mad over it. In 24 years I've

> never had anyone say my table manners were terrible, or I'm a loud

> talker, or how loud and annoying I am when I'm eating. I thought

> something was wrong with me.

>

> When we were first seeing eachother I remember him being apprehensive

> about going out for dinner. He said he didn't like eating around people,

> and at home growing up he took dinner down to his room and ate alone

> rather than with his family. It makes sense now as most nights if I make

> dinner he takes it to another room and I sit at the table eating alone,

> which really does hurt my feelings, but I know if I force him to sit

> and eat with me he will hate it.

>

> I guess really I just joined this group to see if there is any advice I can

get from other people who have sound sensitivity/misophonia

> and what I can do for him to make life easier. I try and eat quietly

> and if I feel like eating something crunchy/loud I'll go to another

> room, but sometimes it's like talking at my normal volume is too loud or

> eating as quietly as possible still results in a glare from him.

>

> He says he even know he's being unreasonable, but he can't help it. Any

> suggestions on what you'd appreciate from your family/friends to help

>