Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm so very very sorry. I know that some of the worst triggers are sometimes caused by people we love very much. When we lose them, we wish we could have them back regardless of the triggers. My heart goes out to you. Your pain is coming through at the loss of this wonderful man. You were very blessed to have had an understanding, loving spouse - some of us havent been that lucky. I hope that you can work it out so that you can lay with him and hold him in his hospital bed. Best of luck to you. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, February 4, 2012 12:40 PM Subject: spousal sounds I wa so thankful when I foudn out about misophonia. I kept the show and rewatched it with my husband. The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing with. He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated or go in to a rage. He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came home I was so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That only lasted a couple of nights. Something had changed in his air way and his sleep apnea had changed dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him but couldn't. I had finally been able to adjust, after so many years of rough nights sleeping. I told him that something had changed in the 2 weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our guest room. WIthout sleep life doesn't go well. I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be given except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our mountain dome to a trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister said he told her " I want to get home, climb in to bed with my wife and hold her and fall asleep together. I have missed sleeping with her, I have missed seeing her so I am going to get better so we can sleep together agian " . I was so touched when my sister told me this. Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening allergy to natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long and being exposed to the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave me this odd allergy. I live in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped up to the plate and gotten rid of latex gloves across the board so I can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go in the bank etc. They got rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little mountain dome. I had to deal with the " you must be crazy " phase of latex allergy. A visit to a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on in the 90's. NOW, it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to the hospital to see my husband because the hospital is not latex safe. So my sister is my surrogate wife while I sit outside and watch parades of pink and blue latex balloons go inside to the nursery. My allergist said I cannot go in since the hospital doesn't know enough to keep me safe and treat me when I anaphylax. That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really thought I was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that is so re-assuring. I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best to adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had to stop shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues with swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food down. Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and he is 7 years past his epxiration date. These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized and won't be coming home. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes to open a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about my hearing sounds issues he really tried to help me as much as possible but the sleep thing was out of his control. When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so touched. I will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside area that is protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in to his hospital bed and have a final embrace.I have been dealing with my latex allergy since 1998 and have made great changes for which I am so thankful for. Now, when my husband needs me the most, I can't be with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis NOT latex safe hospital (kind of ironic). Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis. The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a " pause button " ? Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse with loving eyes, mind and heart and know they are not really doing it on purpose ( I know some do) When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living on my own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see how it goes with out his triggers. My family is just now being told about this since their main focus is keeping me alive and safe from natural rubber latex. I have been teased a couple of times already, I can take it since I know they really are trying to learn about it. I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be irriated by his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will try to rejoin the conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am going to be lurking, not posting since my life is about to change in a huge way. Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and letting me know I am not crazy. In all things important--be well prn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 I'm so very very sorry. I know that some of the worst triggers are sometimes caused by people we love very much. When we lose them, we wish we could have them back regardless of the triggers. My heart goes out to you. Your pain is coming through at the loss of this wonderful man. You were very blessed to have had an understanding, loving spouse - some of us havent been that lucky. I hope that you can work it out so that you can lay with him and hold him in his hospital bed. Best of luck to you. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, February 4, 2012 12:40 PM Subject: spousal sounds I wa so thankful when I foudn out about misophonia. I kept the show and rewatched it with my husband. The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing with. He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated or go in to a rage. He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came home I was so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That only lasted a couple of nights. Something had changed in his air way and his sleep apnea had changed dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him but couldn't. I had finally been able to adjust, after so many years of rough nights sleeping. I told him that something had changed in the 2 weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our guest room. WIthout sleep life doesn't go well. I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be given except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our mountain dome to a trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister said he told her " I want to get home, climb in to bed with my wife and hold her and fall asleep together. I have missed sleeping with her, I have missed seeing her so I am going to get better so we can sleep together agian " . I was so touched when my sister told me this. Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening allergy to natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long and being exposed to the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave me this odd allergy. I live in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped up to the plate and gotten rid of latex gloves across the board so I can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go in the bank etc. They got rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little mountain dome. I had to deal with the " you must be crazy " phase of latex allergy. A visit to a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on in the 90's. NOW, it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to the hospital to see my husband because the hospital is not latex safe. So my sister is my surrogate wife while I sit outside and watch parades of pink and blue latex balloons go inside to the nursery. My allergist said I cannot go in since the hospital doesn't know enough to keep me safe and treat me when I anaphylax. That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really thought I was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that is so re-assuring. I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best to adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had to stop shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues with swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food down. Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and he is 7 years past his epxiration date. These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized and won't be coming home. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes to open a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about my hearing sounds issues he really tried to help me as much as possible but the sleep thing was out of his control. When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so touched. I will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside area that is protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in to his hospital bed and have a final embrace.I have been dealing with my latex allergy since 1998 and have made great changes for which I am so thankful for. Now, when my husband needs me the most, I can't be with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis NOT latex safe hospital (kind of ironic). Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis. The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a " pause button " ? Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse with loving eyes, mind and heart and know they are not really doing it on purpose ( I know some do) When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living on my own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see how it goes with out his triggers. My family is just now being told about this since their main focus is keeping me alive and safe from natural rubber latex. I have been teased a couple of times already, I can take it since I know they really are trying to learn about it. I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be irriated by his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will try to rejoin the conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am going to be lurking, not posting since my life is about to change in a huge way. Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and letting me know I am not crazy. In all things important--be well prn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 So sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 Thank you for you very moving story! And I'm so sorry to hear about what you are now going through. My own husband of 10 years has been very patient with my need to avoid his chewing noises and sniffling but I could tell that he did not fully understand what I was going through and was starting to feel resentment. Sometimes he would get irritated and say things such as, " You would be happy if I just starved. " I would feel guilty because I knew he was having to accommodate me all the time. Recently, though I was able to get through to him and he admitted that he had only thought I was annoyed and did not realize how difficult it was for me and that I really, really could not help it. I think we are learning to appreciate each other more as a result. And his changed attitude opened me up to becoming more proactive in dealing with this condition. I have just begun listening to a self-hypnosis tape for sound -sensitivity (no idea if it will work or not) and to talk more about this in my regular therapy. I think for me, anyway, there is an element of self acceptance that mitigates my response to things, makes me calmer. > > I wa so thankful when I foudn out about misophonia. I kept the show and > rewatched it with my husband. > The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing with. > He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated > or go in to a rage. > He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came > home I was so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That > only lasted a couple of nights. Something had changed in his air way > and his sleep apnea had changed dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him > but couldn't. I had finally been able to adjust, after so many years of > rough nights sleeping. I told him that something had changed in the 2 > weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our guest room. > WIthout sleep life doesn't go well. > I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be > given except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our > mountain dome to a trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he > will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister > said he told her " I want to get home, climb in to bed with my wife and > hold her and fall asleep together. I have missed sleeping with her, I > have missed seeing her so I am going to get better so we can sleep > together agian " . I was so touched when my sister told me this. > Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening > allergy to natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long > and being exposed to the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave > me this odd allergy. I live in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped > up to the plate and gotten rid of latex gloves across the board so I > can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go in the bank etc. They got > rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little mountain dome. > I had to deal with the " you must be crazy " phase of latex allergy. A > visit to a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on > in the 90's. NOW, it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to > the hospital to see my husband because the hospital is not latex safe. > So my sister is my surrogate wife while I sit outside and watch parades > of pink and blue latex balloons go inside to the nursery. My allergist > said I cannot go in since the hospital doesn't know enough to keep me > safe and treat me when I anaphylax. > That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really > thought I was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that > is so re-assuring. > I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best > to adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had > to stop shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues > with swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food > down. > Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and > he is 7 years past his epxiration date. > These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized > and won't be coming home. > I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes > to open a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about > my hearing sounds issues he really tried to help me as much as possible > but the sleep thing was out of his control. > When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so > touched. I will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside > area that is protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in > to his hospital bed and have a final embrace.I have been dealing with > my latex allergy since 1998 and have made great changes for which I am > so thankful for. Now, when my husband needs me the most, I can't be > with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis NOT latex safe > hospital (kind of ironic). > Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis. > The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a " pause > button " ? Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse > with loving eyes, mind and heart and know they are not really doing it > on purpose ( I know some do) > When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living > on my own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see > how it goes with out his triggers. My family is just now being told > about this since their main focus is keeping me alive and safe from > natural rubber latex. I have been teased a couple of times already, I > can take it since I know they really are trying to learn about it. > I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be > irriated by his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will > try to rejoin the conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am > going to be lurking, not posting since my life is about to change in a > huge way. > Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and > letting me know I am not crazy. > In all things important--be well > prn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 You might consider getting several Apple Computers and use SKYPE to talk with your spouse. These little miracles make communication very easy and my son actually kept his on while his girlfriend was living down in Cal, and they 'slept' together with these screens on.... Bypass the physical obstacles and use technology. Dr. J > > I wa so thankful when I foudn out about misophonia. I kept the show and > rewatched it with my husband. > The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing with. > He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated > or go in to a rage. > He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came > home I was so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That > only lasted a couple of nights. Something had changed in his air way > and his sleep apnea had changed dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him > but couldn't. I had finally been able to adjust, after so many years of > rough nights sleeping. I told him that something had changed in the 2 > weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our guest room. > WIthout sleep life doesn't go well. > I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be > given except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our > mountain dome to a trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he > will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister > said he told her " I want to get home, climb in to bed with my wife and > hold her and fall asleep together. I have missed sleeping with her, I > have missed seeing her so I am going to get better so we can sleep > together agian " . I was so touched when my sister told me this. > Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening > allergy to natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long > and being exposed to the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave > me this odd allergy. I live in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped > up to the plate and gotten rid of latex gloves across the board so I > can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go in the bank etc. They got > rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little mountain dome. > I had to deal with the " you must be crazy " phase of latex allergy. A > visit to a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on > in the 90's. NOW, it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to > the hospital to see my husband because the hospital is not latex safe. > So my sister is my surrogate wife while I sit outside and watch parades > of pink and blue latex balloons go inside to the nursery. My allergist > said I cannot go in since the hospital doesn't know enough to keep me > safe and treat me when I anaphylax. > That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really > thought I was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that > is so re-assuring. > I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best > to adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had > to stop shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues > with swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food > down. > Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and > he is 7 years past his epxiration date. > These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized > and won't be coming home. > I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes > to open a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about > my hearing sounds issues he really tried to help me as much as possible > but the sleep thing was out of his control. > When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so > touched. I will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside > area that is protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in > to his hospital bed and have a final embrace.I have been dealing with > my latex allergy since 1998 and have made great changes for which I am > so thankful for. Now, when my husband needs me the most, I can't be > with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis NOT latex safe > hospital (kind of ironic). > Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis. > The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a " pause > button " ? Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse > with loving eyes, mind and heart and know they are not really doing it > on purpose ( I know some do) > When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living > on my own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see > how it goes with out his triggers. My family is just now being told > about this since their main focus is keeping me alive and safe from > natural rubber latex. I have been teased a couple of times already, I > can take it since I know they really are trying to learn about it. > I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be > irriated by his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will > try to rejoin the conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am > going to be lurking, not posting since my life is about to change in a > huge way. > Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and > letting me know I am not crazy. > In all things important--be well > prn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 4, 2012 Report Share Posted February 4, 2012 Oh prn, I'm so sorry to read this. I can identify too well. My dear husband had a heart attack just a couple of weeks ago, and I watched him die for a few brief minutes while I did CPR. He's back and doing quite well, but we all live a lot closer to the edge than we think. I get through his sleep noises for now by reminding myself how grateful I am that he is breathing at all in my bed. I know if my misophonia reaction was a bit stronger, I'd have to leave the room too, and it wouldn't be my fault or his. But if he has another attack and I'm not there.... Getting old is a lot harder than I thought. We all have our frailties, and they add up over time. My deepest condolences. I've been married for decades too and I can easily feel your loss. I guess all we can do is love them while we have them. > > I wa so thankful when I foudn out about misophonia. I kept the show and > rewatched it with my husband. > The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing with. > He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated > or go in to a rage. > He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came > home I was so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That > only lasted a couple of nights. Something had changed in his air way > and his sleep apnea had changed dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him > but couldn't. I had finally been able to adjust, after so many years of > rough nights sleeping. I told him that something had changed in the 2 > weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our guest room. > WIthout sleep life doesn't go well. > I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be > given except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our > mountain dome to a trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he > will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister > said he told her " I want to get home, climb in to bed with my wife and > hold her and fall asleep together. I have missed sleeping with her, I > have missed seeing her so I am going to get better so we can sleep > together agian " . I was so touched when my sister told me this. > Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening > allergy to natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long > and being exposed to the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave > me this odd allergy. I live in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped > up to the plate and gotten rid of latex gloves across the board so I > can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go in the bank etc. They got > rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little mountain dome. > I had to deal with the " you must be crazy " phase of latex allergy. A > visit to a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on > in the 90's. NOW, it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to > the hospital to see my husband because the hospital is not latex safe. > So my sister is my surrogate wife while I sit outside and watch parades > of pink and blue latex balloons go inside to the nursery. My allergist > said I cannot go in since the hospital doesn't know enough to keep me > safe and treat me when I anaphylax. > That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really > thought I was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that > is so re-assuring. > I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best > to adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had > to stop shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues > with swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food > down. > Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and > he is 7 years past his epxiration date. > These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized > and won't be coming home. > I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes > to open a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about > my hearing sounds issues he really tried to help me as much as possible > but the sleep thing was out of his control. > When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so > touched. I will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside > area that is protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in > to his hospital bed and have a final embrace.I have been dealing with > my latex allergy since 1998 and have made great changes for which I am > so thankful for. Now, when my husband needs me the most, I can't be > with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis NOT latex safe > hospital (kind of ironic). > Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis. > The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a " pause > button " ? Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse > with loving eyes, mind and heart and know they are not really doing it > on purpose ( I know some do) > When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living > on my own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see > how it goes with out his triggers. My family is just now being told > about this since their main focus is keeping me alive and safe from > natural rubber latex. I have been teased a couple of times already, I > can take it since I know they really are trying to learn about it. > I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be > irriated by his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will > try to rejoin the conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am > going to be lurking, not posting since my life is about to change in a > huge way. > Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and > letting me know I am not crazy. > In all things important--be well > prn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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