spousal sounds

[Guest guest]

I wa so thankful when I foudn out

about misophonia. I kept the show and rewatched it with my husband.

The light bulb came on and he was able to understand what I am dealing

with.

He has tried to adjust the way he does things so I won't get irriated or go

in to a rage.

He broke his hip in December. When he went through rehab and came home I was

so happy to have him back in our 32 year marital bed. That only lasted a couple

of nights. Something had changed in his air way and his sleep apnea had changed

dramiticaly. I tried to sleep with him but couldn't. I had finally been able to

adjust, after so many years of rough nights sleeping. I told him that something

had changed in the 2 weeks he was away. He understood why I had to move to our

guest room. WIthout sleep life doesn't go well.

I have no regrets as I begin to write this part. No details will be given

except that he fell, had a head injury and was flown from our mountain dome to a

trauma center. Tomorrow it wiil be 2 weeks and he will not be coming home. During some lucid moments this week, my sister said he told her " I want to get

home, climb in to bed with my wife and hold her and fall asleep together. I have

missed sleeping with her, I have missed seeing her so I am going to get better

so we can sleep together agian". I was so touched when my sister told me

this.

Why is my sister with him and I am not? I have a life threatening allergy to

natural rubber latex proteins. I was a nurse for oh so long and being exposed to

the high protein powedered latex gloves daily gave me this odd allergy. I live

in a latex free dome. Our town has stepped up to the plate and gotten rid of

latex gloves across the board so I can shop safely, eat the food they handle,go

in the bank etc. They got rid of balloons so I can have freedom in our little

mountain dome.

I had to deal with the "you must be crazy" phase of latex allergy. A visit to

a shrink is part of the differential diagnosiing that went on in the 90's. NOW,

it is acceptable that it is real. I cannot go in to the hospital to see my

husband because the hospital is not latex safe. So my sister is my surrogate

wife while I sit outside and watch parades of pink and blue latex balloons go

inside to the nursery. My allergist said I cannot go in since the hospital

doesn't know enough to keep me safe and treat me when I anaphylax.

That is why knowing about misophonia has saved my life. I really thought I

was going crazy and now I know it is reality based and that is so

re-assuring.

I have read so many emails about spousal sounds. My guy did his best to

adjust his was of being a trigger 'casue he loves me so much.We had to stop

shairng meal times since it was such a trigger. He has issues with

swallowing and it takes him 5 swallows to get one bite of food down.

Well, he is about to begin his journey to heaven. It is his time and he

is 7 years past his epxiration date.

These past two weeks have been so challenging as he is hospitialized and

won't be coming home.

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING to hear him smacking his lips,taking 30 minutes to open

a bag of chips or unwrap a candy bar now. Once he leared about my hearing sounds

issues he really tried to help me as much as possible but the sleep thing was

out of his control.

When my sis said he wanted to sleep with me one more time I was so touched. I

will try, on Monday, to ask the hospital to find an outside area that is

protected so he doesn't get cold. My hope is to climb in to his hospital bed and

have a final embrace.I have been dealing with my latex allergy since 1998 and

have made great changes for which I am so thankful for. Now, when my husband

needs me the most, I can't be with him bacause it can kill me to go inside athis

NOT latex safe hospital (kind of ironic).

Thank you for teaching me about this new to me diagnosis.

The next time your spouse creates a trigger may I offer a "pause button"?

Instead of focusing on the trigger noise look at your spouse with loving eyes,

mind and heart and know they are not really doing it on purpose ( I know

some do)

When I return home many of my triggers will be gone. I will be living on my

own for the first time in 32 years. It will be interesting to see how it goes

with out his triggers. My family is just now being told about this since their

main focus is keeping me alive and safe from natural rubber latex. I have been

teased a couple of times already, I can take it since I know they really are

trying to learn about it.

I wanted to share this as I had to learn, in december, to not be irriated by

his sounds since he really couldn't do much about it.I will try to rejoin the

conversations some time in the spring. For now, I am going to be lurking, not

posting since my life is about to change in a huge way.

Thank you for allowing me to join and thank you for educating me and letting

me know I am not crazy.

In all things important--be well

prn