I sold my soul for hot chocolate.

[Guest guest]

I was in a coffee shop earlier tonight, just wanting some freaking hot

chocolate. There were people in there, but it wasn't packed. Usually those

places have an ambient roar- scattered chatting, fans, cooking equiptment, etc-

but there was a group of about 5 people, mosty women, who were just crapping

their pants with impossibly loud laughter. That kind of unhinged female screech

is a major trigger for me and I almost felt my head implode. It was like a

helicopter landed 20 feet away, but instead of helicopter noises it was just

screams. Things like that are magnified in my brain to the point where I want to

either melt into a puddle, or waste the culprits and bystanders with the raw

fury of my mighty fists. I got my drink, but when I got out to my car I felt

like someone had just beaten me up. As this is what apperently happens to me

when I want a cup of cocoa, it might be understanable that I don't go to bars or

parties like other normal 21-year-olds. I have to wonder if that shame will ever

go away, even as I get older. I just want to be happy, but people don't

understand that things like that, which would be attractive to most people, make

me miserable. How do I explain that? How do I defend it? How do I keep friends

around if I can't go out with them? I hit a new low today. It's been a while

since I was down here, but all the bad stuff's coming back now. Cheers.