Hugs

[Guest guest]

Under the subject Re: Welcome,

On Tue, 3 Jan 2012 at 19:53:09 +0000 (GMT) JUDY BARROW wrote:

> Communicate, understand, validate, and try hugging. He may not be a

> 'hug-ee' but tell him it does YOU good.

I've a feeling we've discussed some aspects of this before, but I'd

like to raise it again if I may.

My comments relate not only to Judy's above suggestion to , but to

what seems to have become quite a widespread habit on this list of

adding " hugs " or " cyber-hugs " as a form of encouragement to posters,

particularly NT female posters, who are perceived to be in need of support.

From my own particular AS standpoint I see hugging as an act that comes

much more naturally to NT females than it does to AS males. My opinion

is that this is probably partly due to basic AS issues, and partly due

to sensory issues that often accompany AS. Not all Aspies are affected

the same way, by any means, but there are certainly some of us who

react unfavourably to unsolicited hugs and to requests to give hugs.

In my own case, sadly you may say, there's no-one in my life at the

moment who I'd feel comfortable hugging with. It hasn't always been like

that with me; there have been just a few people and a few brief times

in my life when hugs have felt great, and I very much hope there will

be more, but to me, hugs are quite a deep expression of understanding

and sympathy, and this isn't something that comes spontaneously.

So my point is that in mixed AS/NT environments, which I believe is

what Aspires is all about, there's a need for an element of

understanding and caution that hugs may sometimes be more divisive than

binding. I know of other Aspies, like myself, who if forced at the

wrong time into an unwanted hug, simply cringe until it's over.

I don't want to belittle the power and therapeutic value of hugs to both

participants given the right environment, but I think it would be a

mistake to assume they are always universally beneficial.

(dx'd 3 years ago at age 67)