Aspergers and immature behavior

[Guest guest]

Hello!

My fiancé has Aspergers. Is there a corallation between Aspergers and childlike

behavior? He is 46 but sometimes it seems like he is a 10 yr old in an adult

body. He loves potty humor or bodily function humor which seems to work fine

with his 13 yr old son. He cries a lot. He holds his crotch as he runs to the

bathroom. He justifies this by saying it 'hurts' when he has to go. Medically

there isn't anything wrong with him, he just associates the pressure most feel

with having to go as painful. I've read that AS can cause hyper sensitivity and

I'm wondering if this is what causes the 'pain'.

He cries at the Dr office like a child when getting a shot.

Is this from Aspergers or from having a strong mother figure and growing up in a

cult/church until breaking away when he was almost 30?

I'm at a loss as to how to help!

Jaci

[Guest guest]

He may have an overactive bladder. Before I got put on medication for it, you used to see me doing the same thing, running to the bathroom holding my crotch to keep from peeing myself before I could get there. ~ "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."--Albert Camus Sent from my VZW BlackBerrySender: aspires-relationships Date: Tue, 24 Apr 2012 02:21:22 +0000To: <aspires-relationships >ReplyTo: aspires-relationships Subject: Aspergers and immature behavior Hello!My fiancé has Aspergers. Is there a corallation between Aspergers and childlike behavior? He is 46 but sometimes it seems like he is a 10 yr old in an adult body. He loves potty humor or bodily function humor which seems to work fine with his 13 yr old son. He cries a lot. He holds his crotch as he runs to the bathroom. He justifies this by saying it 'hurts' when he has to go. Medically there isn't anything wrong with him, he just associates the pressure most feel with having to go as painful. I've read that AS can cause hyper sensitivity and I'm wondering if this is what causes the 'pain'. He cries at the Dr office like a child when getting a shot. Is this from Aspergers or from having a strong mother figure and growing up in a cult/church until breaking away when he was almost 30?I'm at a loss as to how to help!Jaci

[Guest guest]

Hello JaciI am not sure if there is a similar thread to this in our archives ( and Helen might know) but we have had discussions here before about 'boyish' behaviours. My partner Ian makes the infamous Asperger Inappropriate Remarks, has toilet humour, and continues to make jokes that are not suitable for the occasion, even with a kick on the ankle from me. Part of Ian's rationale for his being this way is that he learned his social behaviours from others, so that he takes his learned 'scripts' and trots them out whenever he thinks they may be needed. So, he famously asked my aunt why she was sad, at my mother's funeral and tried to cheer her up, and also told a

room full of drunk farmers a joke about sheepsh*gging. Ian slaps my bum in public, makes rude jokes, insults others, and tries to be the life and soul of the party, all of which is enforced by his own desire to be part of NT World. As we have progressed in our relationship I have gained his trust, so he often 'checks in' with me whether his actions are going down well or not. Usually, not. The almost immature social behaviours (and they are, in a sense, not mature) goes against his otherwise serious approach and dedicated hobbyist persona. He cant cope with me being sad, or hearing any bad news, and he cant face up to issues or problems. He runs away from any mistakes he makes by saying its 'tough' and asking me to sort them out. You will have read here about mother/carer relationships for

some NT/AS couples? I gave up being irritated by Ian's behaviour when I realised he wasnt being crass. He was simply, desperately trying to fit in. And not always getting it right. He is very vulnerable, in that he doesnt like failing, doesnt get it right all the time, and tries to cover up his fears, phobias and unsureness by bluffing, and being overly boyish. He doesnt want to be a grown up, as he sees NT grown ups as the enemy - people who make demands, expect too much, and dont speak the same social language as he does. He prefers to keep himself safe, isolated in his hobbies, and be protected by me, his own NT rottweiller protector. In terms of hypersensitivity, yep, skin is overly tender (some clothes feel 'funny') and they have a sense

of smell, hearing and taste that can be painful for them in busy, loud and bright/smelly places. The intrusion to him, being touched, might cause your fiance great distress. All this sounds like you have a baby on your hands, but in fact you have a human being who has traits that need to be identified and adapted to, and that is all. He is living through his fears and its a time to reassure, but also you can gently explain about other's reactions to him if he wonders why they dont like his laddish humour? Just because the man doesnt act like Tarzan or kill bears for their woman, it doesnt make them a wimp. Ian fights his AS battle every day, he spends all his time working out what people mean, working out his OCD fears, living in the past, living with past hurts, and not letting go of anything. He fights this without any help from me

because its in his head, and all I can do is ratify, accept, adapt, and smooth the way for him. We talk things through all the time, and I hope that with his 'learnt' behaviours he might learn some calming attitudes from me. I try to help him by going over things that upset him and assuring him he is brave, safe and its ok to be himself. In terms of the boyishness, I have to, sometimes, explain why he might have made a gaff, or what he could do different in future - although his natural tendency is to use his script and forget to think first. So dont worry about the boyishness, but do support him not to feel bad about his ways, and give him strength when he needs it. Enjoy the quirkyness, and the differences. I have had partners who are NT and not been as interesting, kind or as loyal to me

as Ian. Yet my family dislike him and say I could do better. No doubt, they want me to find that Tarzan. I think that I dont have to live my life through others or do what is supposed to be typical. However, we makes our choice, and with support and advice from such as Aspires, you will thrive. Best wishes to you both, Judy B, Scotland, living with Just To: aspires-relationships Sent: Tuesday, 24 April 2012, 3:21 Subject: Aspergers and immature behavior Hello!My fiancé has Aspergers. Is there a corallation between Aspergers and childlike behavior? He is 46 but sometimes it seems like he is a 10 yr old in an adult body. He loves potty humor or bodily function humor which seems to work fine with his 13 yr old son. He cries a lot. He holds his crotch as he runs to the bathroom. He justifies this by saying it 'hurts' when he has to go. Medically there isn't anything wrong with him, he just associates the pressure most feel with having to go as

painful. I've read that AS can cause hyper sensitivity and I'm wondering if this is what causes the 'pain'. He cries at the Dr office like a child when getting a shot. Is this from Aspergers or from having a strong mother figure and growing up in a cult/church until breaking away when he was almost 30?I'm at a loss as to how to help!Jaci------------------------------------ "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference. ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated

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