Walk in my shoes

[Guest guest]

I was feeling horrible the other night and started writing because although I

have someone who will listen I don't want to complain all of the time. This is a

just something I threw together and a little bit of my life with Still's.

Walk in my shoes

I remember the days

Stuck in my old ways

I can see the rays of the sun

There goes all the fun

Another day of work

Customer service

Oh the life of a clerk

I would sit there and think, why me?

Why couldn't someone just hand me a deed

Growing up we were poor

It made me strive for more

Then one day my world came crashing down

Fever struck while I was out of town

It was bad, the worst I've ever had

I tried to deal

The pain was unreal

Emergency room here I come

The docs looked at me as if I am dumb

105 fever, lips chapped, body aches and chills

Looks like this is the real deal

" Are you drunk " they asked

No I'm not but give me a bottle so I can bask

Take away the pain I am feeling

My health is ailing

So they ran a few tests

Stuck a needle in my spine

There I waited and after some time

Doc came in and said " good news you're not drunk "

All the while I'm thinking " he is such a punk "

" We are gonna admit you, got to find out the issue "

Every test imaginable, they even took marrow,

I waited for answers, my imagination running ragged

West Nile, leukemia

Some of the things I was dreaming of

Three weeks later

Still no sign of feeling better

" let's take your vitals " they said

" then you can go home in a while "

103 was my temp

My body was limp

" Let's pretend that is 98 " they said

" And we can get you out of bed "

Arrived at home and straight to bed I went

Got in bed and started to repent

What have I done to deserve this?

Why is everyone else in bliss?

Two months later still no change in fever,

Chills, Tylenol, Night Sweats and repeat

Is this what my life has become?

What happened to all the fun?

Follow up and the doc says

Grab a tissue, let's go over these issues

I believe it's " Lymphoma "

How sure are you?

" Most Likely "

I begin to cry, life flashes before my eyes

Follow up tests prove otherwise

I owe that to the man in the sky

One year later after many wrong directions, I find out it is way more than

just an infection

" You have stills disease "

These words have wrecked my life

Fever so high you would think my brain is fried

5 years to live, Pneumonia and Scar Tissue,

Issue after issue

Then it continues,

" you have Osteoporosis and Fibromyalgia "

Can you imagine my nostalgia?

If only i can go back to complaining about work

Just thinking of those days makes me smirk

The life I had taken for granted

Now I wish I can just have it

The pain and suffering that I am going through

The tears I hide, my smile is full of rue

I keep on pushing although my body is telling me no

I can't give up, I just go and go

My husband, my hero is the only one who sees

My tears fall and my heart bleed

I go to work and fake a smile

And all the while

People think I am fine

So I just go with it and feed them some lines

Although I am dying on the inside

Don't ever take your days for granted

Because you never know what life has planned for it

I am so tired

I just want to die and let this win

But I fight and fight I can't give in

So say what you want and live in denial

How would you cope if you walked in my shoes a mile?

Love you all,

Angie