Adrenal Fatigue, etc.

[Guest guest]

, thanks for your reply, and prayers for me. I don't have a lot of faith

in my own prayers these days, but I never turn down the prayers of others! It

is so good to feel understood. About giving/getting advice, sometimes my

daughters or husband try to " remind " me that exercise " creates energy " . They

don't get it that if I don't have the extra energy to exercise, and force myself

to do it, that it just depletes me further.

About cooking, I've learned not to talk about it, as people start to give me

recipes that are full of things I don't eat, like gluten, sugar, flour and

processed foods. I've learned to just listen to their " super easy " recipe and

try to remind myself never to talk about food again, because I don't want to get

into the whole discussion about what I don't eat and why, which they don't

understand. My husband used to cook, but his repertoire of recipes is stuff I

no longer eat, otherwise he would cook at least once a week. He's still

working, so I do try to have a dinner when he comes home, I feel that's the

least I can do, but sometimes I can't even do that.

I'm renewing my efforts to " work the steps " for my workaholism, the basis of

which I guess is learning to get my self-esteem from something besides what I do

or don't do. I believe I am loved by God, but also feel that religion has

encouraged me to be a workaholic (martyrdom and self-deprivation from

Catholicism, " working for God " from Protestantism) and I don't trust it any more.

thanks for listening :-)

>

> Rita, this isn't the *wrong* group for you...you qualify. :-)

> I know for me,though a support group of others with our condition was more

important in the beginning years of my dealing with it.

> So, just passing that on to you.:-)

> Still, there's much to be learned and shared *here* as well.

>

> I just wanted to say hello to you, because I understood everything you

described.

> My husband didnt understand at first, which was the very worst..

> but my friends didnt, either, even most people in

> the 12th Step program I've been in for more than half my life.

> Most of them thought I was depressed..less charitable folks thought I was

malingering..:-(

>

> I felt ashamed and rejected too.

>

> It took awhile too, quite, for me to feel ok, even good about being smart or

kind or poetic-or *anything* besides my work and/or being gainfully employed. I

know.

>

> I had to get separate help and counseling for myself and slowly as FMS became

more known, when an author with Fibro was interviewed by the DailyNews, and

> and when my naturopath and chiropractor, who btw, had always refused even

*aspirin*..was taking opiate pain medication like I do...my husband began to

believe it and accept it.

[Guest guest]

Hi Toni,

Thanks for your reply, and for understanding. I just realized that I got mixed

up and replied to your ideas about advice in my previous post,a reply to .

Oh well, I'm sure if you're on this loop you'll read that one also.

Sometimes I wish I lived alone in a tiny house with an easy care yard, close to

my kids and grandsons. That way I wouldn't feel obligated to anyone but myself.

I know that's escapist thinking though, and I actually have never liked living

alone. But, I don't feel that I have much to give to my husband these days, and

I'm sure it's difficult for him coming in second, third or fourth to me meeting

my own physical, mental and spiritual needs just to survive. He really does

more than " his share " around here, but we marry for better or worse, right?

Besides, his expectations are part of the reason I'm burnt out. A small part,

but part. I just have to refuse to feel guilty about not meeting his

expectations, or I can get all depressed about it and fantasize about going out

and getting a job (which I know i really can't do anymore). Also, I feel guilty

about the money we spend for my appointments and supplements, as insurance

doesn't cover anything natural, and conventional medicine doesn't have any

viable answers for me, if they even admit there's a problem.

I'm thinking about going to a counselor for my sake anyway, and maybe he'd go

along to a few appointments. There are lots of things we don't talk about. My

first husband had a disability, so I've been on the other side too, and know how

hard it is to talk about problems with someone who already doesn't feel good.

Well, thanks again for listening.

>

> > One really hard part of all this is that my husband is a person who has tons

of energy, always has, and his family is very energetic too. Their family

culture around work is the typical Protestant work ethic stuff -- you are only

as good a how much you do. I'm sure that his family just considers me lazy. My

husband is starting to (intellectually) understand that I actually have a

physical problem, and he tries to be supportive, but actually I feel very

pressured by him because he has little ways of expressing his disappointment in

me, that I haven't fulfilled his expectations as far as bringing in money, doing

my own housework, wanting sex, cooking lots of home-cooked meals, etc. etc. I

>

[Guest guest]

You are processing well what you are going through. Thank you for sharing. It is

rewarding to witness such a story as yours.

I am familiar with guilt and feeling for the ones we love doing too much.

I lost a relationship while in denial and defiance of how sick I was, angry,

complaining, complaining, complaining. My partner wondered what they were

getting out of it and, ya know, I can no longer argue with that.

Gratitude is helping me over the hump these days. Everybody says I have changed

and I really have because of my gratitude practice.

Tell your husband, your offspring, you siblings and family of origin how much

you appreciate what they do for you, no matter how small.

It was my ex who advised me to thank a friend who regularly sent articles of

miracle cures for CFS. Miracle cures. I mean, really. But I appreciated that she

was thinking of me, wanted me to be with her at parties and playing volleyball

which is how we met. And as long as I was sick, I couldn't do fun stuff like

that. I wanted, want, a miracle cure, too. I just knew better by that time.

Guilt. What a lousy trip. We all experience it. We must experience it to know

what it feels like to lay that huge, bogus burden down.

As much as possible, consider thinking what you are grateful for every time a

guilty thought comes to mind. It takes years of practice to lay that burden,

guilt, down. The rewards are remarkable. And the rewards are healing in my

experience. And it's free.

toni

cf-alliance.tripod.com/

from iPad

On Aug 8, 2012, at 12:39 PM,

Rita G wrote:

> But, I don't feel that I have much to give to my husband these days, and I'm

sure it's difficult for him coming in second, third or fourth to me meeting my

own physical, mental and spiritual needs just to survive.