Re: Something sweet

[Guest guest]

Sherry, what a lovely letter! Why don't you go to the NH when is

there, and express your joy that he is seeing your mom again.

Love a lot,

Imogene

>

> For those of you who remember when I first joined, the desperate

black

> depression and obsession with suicide that my mom went through, she

was

> living in hell 24/7 until they got her off her old meds and onto

LBD

> appropriate meds and dosages...the change in her has been

unbelievable.

> I've mentioned that it's almost like all the worst parts of

have gone,

> and all that's left is the best of her. Her obsessions, control

issues,

> compulsions, etc. are all gone. She enjoys life. She loves the

other

> people at King's, and lives to help them as well as visit with

them. She

> loves the nursing staff. She is the hug giver. The nursing staff

have told

> me that they love her so much, they couldn't stand it if she wasn't

there

> anymore. She has told me numerous times over the last few weeks

that she

> loves her new home and all the people around her, that there's

always

> someone to talk to, and always something to do, she never has to

get bored.

> She's very active, ambulatory of course, very steady and quick on

her feet

> and coordinated (moreso than me) and no PD signs. Her ST memory

doesn't

> exist anymore but she's so sweet...I was in such desperation for

her just a

> few short months ago, and now I just want to spend all my time with

her. We

> go out all the time, several times a week, and talk and laugh and

always

> have a good time. This is the mom that I've never really known; my

entire

> life she's been on drugs of one sort or another (including

alcohol), has

> been tense and controlling more often than not...

>

> Anyway, this mom is relaxed and fun, with no obsessions - I've

never met her

> before but I love her to pieces. She's almost childlike in her

delight of

> life. I wish she could live out the rest of her life this way...

>

> OK, now I'm getting to the sweet part . For quite a few years my

mom has

> had a friend named . After my stepdad died ( lived with

them and

> helped with Ed's care), it was only a matter of weeks before

moved into

> my mom's bedroom, and during the last few years he cared for her,

took her

> to the doctor, handled her LBD-caused delusions and paranoias, kept

her

> condition private from her family at her request (she could NEVER

show

> weakness!) - he cooked for her, shopped for her, cleaned her house,

bought

> her gifts, make lovely fires in her fireplace on cold nights, and

did

> everything for her. He loved her and spoiled her and protected her

from the

> harsh realities of her worsening condition (without knowing what

was wrong

> with her, except it was some sort of dementia) as well as the world

outside

> of their home. When she started accusing him of affairs (after

she'd sent

> him to the store for something) and stealing her things (after

she'd moved

> them herself), he tolerated it. When she started calling the

police on him

> he bore it...but then that one day back in April, when he couldn't

take it

> anymore, and he packed up and left. Even , who adored her, had

his

> limits. I spoke with him many times in the next couple of weeks,

he was

> broken, devastated, in agony and so much pain over what was

happening with

> my mom...the last time he saw her she was raving, out of

control...then she

> called me later that day and said, " 's gone, I don't know where

he is,

> but all of his things are gone...what is wrong, do you know what

happened to

> him? " She went into the hospital that day...then to the nursing

home...

>

> Anyway, moved downstate where his daughter lived, to try and

move on.

> He got a job, was looking for a place of his own to buy...and he

started to

> heal. After a few months he couldn't stand it anymore, and came

back. He

> went to the home he shared with my mom - her house but their home

where he'd

> lived for 10 years - the weekend of the estate sale. He was

shocked and

> stunned, and just stood in the doorway and started sobbing. My

sister and

> he hugged and cried together as she explained what had been going

on in his

> absence. He understood, but his life, too, was being sold, their

life

> together was being traded off in pieces for money...

>

> That was 2 weeks ago. We hadn't heard from him but knew that he'd

gone back

> to his old job, and was living in his car. God bless him, he's

part of the

> family, we all love him...it has been breaking my heart.

>

> Tonight I went to take my mom out for dinner and she was all lit

up. " Guess

> who came to see me today? PAUL!!! We played my piano together,

and we sat

> on the patio! At first I didn't know who he was but I felt so good

when I

> looked at his face. Then he started to talk and I asked him if he

was ,

> and he said yes! Sherry, I really feel so close to him, do you

think that's

> ok? Was I really fond of him? He said we were very good

friends... " I

> told her, " Mom, you and are in love. You were living

together, and you

> and he were like honeymooners. He was always so good to you, and

spoiled

> you, and took care of you, and you took care of him. You have been

very

> much in love for several years. " She said, " Oh I'm SO GLAD,

because he's

> coming back tomorrow and he's going to take me to see and get

my hair

> done! "

>

> ( was her hairdresser for the last 20 years, but the last dozen

or so

> checks my mom wrote to her had bounced, and the bank fees were in

the many

> hundreds of dollars...so I haven't taken her back to because

she owes

> her so much money already. I'm not sure what will do about

that, but I

> won't worry about it, I have complete confidence in his ability to

handle

> it.)

>

> The nurses and aides told me that they walked around holding hands

most of

> the afternoon, and that it was obvious that he is very much in love

with

> her. They said that they hugged and hugged, and held each other

for a long

> time.

>

> I am so happy to hear this, I wish I could call but he doesn't

have a

> cell phone, and I wouldn't know where to find him, but I have

missed him,

> he's been a dear and important part of our family for so long,

nearly a

> decade...we all love him. In fact at a care conference I'd told

them that

> if ever showed up there and wanted to take her out, or they

wanted time

> alone for intimacy, or whatever, that I would not only allow it (I

have to

> give my permission for her to have a physical relationship, and

King's will

> accomodate them), but would be so happy for my mom if ever

came back

> into her life...and now, here he is!

>

> I believe that he's been coming to terms with what's going on with

my mom,

> and dealing with his feelings, healing from what he had to endure

24/7 for

> all that time, how hurt he was, so much pain, and he feels things

so

> deeply...and now he's wanting to be part of her life, to whatever

extent it

> can be, again. That would make my mother very very happy...and

today, she

> had a very very happy afternoon .

>

> Compared to just 3 short months ago when she thought there was

nothing to

> live for and wanted nothing more than to die...I can't even begin

to tell

> you how wonderful it is to see her happy, released from her

lifelong

> obsessions and control issues, in love, and enjoying her life.

Strange that

> LBD has given this to her...but we'll take it, for as long as it

lasts.

>

> His,

> Sherry

> www.owly.net

> daughter of , (mis?)diagnosed with AD in 2005, descent slowed

by

> Aricept; diagnosed with LBD March 2008, in a wonderful NH 1/2 mile

from my

> house. We're learning to live with Lewy...

>