Re: Cassandra and Apollo (Maxine Aston)

[Guest guest]

Hi Delyth,

Thank you for the kind words and the heads up on the group in London, very kind.

Will try to look you up.

>

> Hi Becky

>

> Good to hear that things are on the up for you and Jon... it doesn't sound

like an easy journey for either of you.

>

> You sound amazingly clued in and self-aware so my previous caution seems

inappropriate now, sorry!

>

> It will be very interesting to see how the 'cassandra' theory develops in

time... I too feel it has some value or kernel of truth but that it isn't 'quite

right' yet.

> Good that you are able to participate in the research, which I hope is asking

the bigger questions about childhood etc. etc and not just limited to current

relationship issues. Do keep us informed.

>

> If ever you are in London, you are welcome to pop in to the support group-

www.whydoesmypartner.co.uk for details.

>

> Best wishes

>

> Delyth

>

[Guest guest]

> In this respect, AS can impact relationships and families much in the same way

as substance abuse or mental illness -- serving as a chronic, ongoing drain on

the marriage and family that wears down emotional reserves and leaves casualties

in its wake.

>

> If Daddy....

> (1) can't hold a job because he's unable to regulate his emotions and

opinions,

> (2) prefers to sleep in the car/garage/wherever than with Mommy,

> (3) substitutes online porn for a sex life with another human being,

> (4) ignores his own children, sometimes to the point of placing them in

danger,

> (5) alienates friends and neighbors with his social behavior, thus isolating

the family

> (6) prefers his own company to the extent where his spouse and children are an

intrusion on his life, and

> (7) needs so much caretaking that he effectively opts out of being a husband

and parent....

>

> Does it really matter whether the cause is AS, substance abuse, or mental

illness? Any way you slice it, the marriage and family suffers.

CJ, are you sure you don't know my soon to be ex husband?

You missed one:

8. refuses to admit that any of the above actions are his fault and instead

blames his partner, the kids, or the rest of the world for causing him to do

these things.

I'm sure the Cassandra Syndrome women would welcome me with open arms as one of

their own, right up to the point where I mention that I'm Aspie -- then I'd be

thrown out as a traitor. I *don't* blame stbx' behavior solely on his AS, but on

a combination of childhood abuse, getting prescribed the wrong meds, possible

bipolar, and yes, Aspergers.

I do think there's such a thing as Cassandra Syndrome, but it's not " caused " by

marrying a man with AS. Rather, it happens because a woman is so wrapped up in

taking care of those around her that she forgets about self-care until she burns

out.

I haven't been active for a bit … Valentine's Day was my one year

" trauma-versary, " a year after my marriage fell apart. I've been dealing with

severe stress over that, and then I got sick. I've also got the legal craziness

(stbx fired his lawyer just before we had a settlement, and everything is

postponed until his new lawyer gets up to speed), and I'm job hunting. And to

add to the craziness, the Freecycle group I managed for 7 years had a hostile

takeover.

--Liz

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