TELEMARKETING TIPS

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TELEMARKETING TIPS

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and

you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, " How are you today? " say, " I'm so glad you asked,

because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My

arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name.

Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how

long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this

line of work if they are married, how many kids they have etc. Continue asking

them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as

necessary.

4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: " Hi, my name is Judy and

I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask,

" What are you wearing? "

5. Cry out in surprise, " Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you

been? " Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries

to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say " No " over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a

rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can

do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan

reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, " I don't have any friends, would you

be my friend? "

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: " Can you get out blood? Can you get

out goat blood? How about human blood? "

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you.

When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card

number to a complete stranger.

10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you

work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the

receiver down, scream, " OH MY GOD! " and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will

give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the

Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say,

" I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right? " The Telemarketer

will agree and you say, " Me either! " and proceed to hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold.

Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack

your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect,

clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on " home incarceration " and ask if they could

bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, " Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably

tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes. "

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. " Come

on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma? "

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak

up...louder... louder!

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "