freaked...

[Guest guest]

i know that i don't write much and so probably not very many people know

me but i need to write now so here i am...

i go in for a new MRI on monday and am kinda scared. i know that this is

normal but i wish that it wasn't. i tried so hard to contain my self and

be strong but last night i just started crying...nothing seems right. we

all sit here and talk about this stuff and say how we feel for each other

and totally understand but for what. why do we all have to understand

something so horrendous. does anyone else feel like this ever? maybe i

don't want an answer to that...

it doesn't seem right that i have to be 21 and be going through all this

again, more so that i was once 15 and going through it. that i have to

feel so crappy and that none of my friends can even began to understand

the concept of what i feel and so instead i just keep it all to myself,

because i would rather do that then get empathy and pity from people.

that it kills my parents, that my dad just doesn't know what to do and my

mom just gets obsessively frustrated; and my little brothers that just

deep down resent me for it because they can't understand.

ever wanted to go through just one day when you didn't have to worry

about it. where you didn't have to remember to take med's at night to

sleep and med's in the morning so you can just make it through the day.

ever wanted to just be able to forget, ever wondered what it would be

like if it was gone. kinda ironic that i think i would miss it, it kinda

makes me remember that i am still alive.

" it " ?! kinda funny.

anyways, no response necessary, just needed to let it out for a minute.

Anne Marie

Go placidly amid the noise & haste and remember what peace

there may be in silence