Attack Of The Puns

[Guest guest]

Attack of the Puns

1. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

2. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

3. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

4. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

6. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

7. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

8. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

9. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

10. Every calendar's days are numbered.

11. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

12. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

13. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)

14. Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

15. A backward poet writes inverse.

16. Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

17. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

18. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

19. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

20. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

21. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

22. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

23. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

24. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

25. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

26. Without geometry, life is pointless.

27. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

28. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

29. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

30. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your Count votes.

31. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

32. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

33. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

34. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

35. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

36. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

37. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

38. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

39. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

Blownapart.

40. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A flat minor.

41. Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

42. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at

large.

43. The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of

himself. 44. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat .

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~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "