Just feeling a bit desperate

[Guest guest]

Greetings:

I agree with Helen. This is a life lesson we learn as we journey through our

life span. What role do you see yourself playing? Self-sufficiency or a care

giver? I am not knocking the helping profession as that is a degree I am

seeking.

BUT, one has to learn to set boundaries and figure out what your needs are and

understand we can only fix ourselves and not others. We can help facilitate the

process, but ultimately the choice is " ours " and sometimes our partners are on a

different time table or journey.

We cannot help someone who does not want to be helped or feel a need to change.

That is " their " journey and sometimes we just have to call it a day and move on

with our life. It is like poverty, we can throw money and programs towards

families, but it does not matter if we don’t give folks the skills and education

they need to lift themselves out of poverty.

It is not a partner's job to fill the void that we as a society have failed at.

The USA is an individualistic and capitalist society. We expect and demand that

everyone figures it out on their own and does not whine about it. I believe our

system is broken.

Just my two cents worth that might not be an popular opinion. I don't have any

answers, but think we need a new vision.

Best.

But if you are basically living as a single person with a room-mate who has

" exclusive rights " .. a room mate with whom you have constant disagreements that

leave you drained all the time, while that could last for a long time, too, you

will both be miserable and at least one of of you is likely to fall victim to

depression. From the sounds of your recent post, that will be you. You said " I

am accepting there will always be crisis. " I would not accept that. There is

more to life than this.

cyber hugs!

Helen

[Guest guest]

To whomever addressed this...

I got therapy to extract a root cause from my childhood a few years ago, so I

recommend therapy when it is needed.

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> M: Greetings:

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> It sounds like life is over whelming you at this moment. I have had this list

for a long time and your story is very similar of " some " NT spouses. Some

options are reading books and articles geared towards NT spouses. Another option

is to seek counseling or support for YOU. A good counselor or therapist can help

you sort out the issues and concentrate on YOU and not your spouse. Where do you

see yourself in 6 months? What are your dreams and ambition? Do you see yourself

growing old with him? There are a zillion questions to ask to help you rethink

your life at the present moment. You cannot change your partner, all you can do

it change yourself. He is a big boy and responsible for himself and his behavior

as much as you are in this relationship. Maybe you should take a break and

concentrate on YOU for a while. What do you want out of this relationship? What

needs do you need to have met to continue on? It is NOT selfish to say, " It is

all about me " . Do you see yourself in a care taker role? Some do, and are happy

in this role. What does " M " want?

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> I guess the real question is, what do YOU want out of this relationship and

what is non-negotiable? Think about this and make a list. It will help you to

set healthy boundaries for yourself and partner. He should do the same.

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> Just my 2 cents worth.

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