The Truth Comes Out! (funny)

[Guest guest]

The Truth Comes Out!

Dear Mr. Cameron:

As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote your

15 year old daughter in response to a query we received from her.

Dear Ms. Cameron.

Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high

school is still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating " all

the way back " to his graduation.

In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I will get to in a

moment.

In answer to your first question: In every picture extant of your father he is

well shod, wearing what I believe were called " earth shoes " back then.

Also, the weather here is moderate, with snow generally lasting from December

until March--hardly the entire school year. Thus his descriptions of the

conditions under which he " struggled " to school in the morning do, as you

suggested, seem a bit exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still

intact, revealing that not only was your father a registered passenger, but that

his parents paid the extra ten dollars a month for door-to-door delivery.

I am sure there were days when your father was very " sharply dressed, " as you

state he puts it, but in every single photograph I was able to uncover he is

wearing exactly the same thing: bell bottom blue jeans with white strings

trailing from the edges onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no

belt buckle. His T-shirt displays a message easily communicated with hand

gestures. His hair hangs past his shoulders and looks as if it was exposed to a

lot of wind - perhaps he rode the school bus with the window open.

As to academics and " concentrating on the basics, " one must remember the times:

the " basics " back then may very well have embraced some of your father's

elective subjects, which included " Personal Citizenship, " " Ecology, " and one

which apparently was called " Relevance. " We have no record of what, if anything,

was taught in these classes. What records we do have show that your father did

indeed take Geometry, just as he claims. In fact, he took it his sophomore year,

repeated it his junior year and repeated the course again his senior year -

Geometry was required for graduation.

Now as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called " Problems of Modern

Relationships. " Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father

always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter

when it was done, it was always handed in late. In fact, your father sticks out

in Mr. Muggins's mind as having the most outrageous excuses for being

unprepared, including having to evacuate his home because it was infected with

the China Syndrome.

Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is

confusing student government with a social group called " The Slackers, " which

Mr. Muggins recalls was a group of boys who sat in the hallway and made loud

groaning noises whenever an attractive girl strode past. Your father was

assistant vice president of the club, and, to our knowledge, is the only past

member not currently serving time in a federal penitentiary.

One thing IS completely verifiable: Your father's name is, indeed,carved above

the door to the school. Please advise that, now that we have noticed it, we will

need to have it sanded out and refinished, at a cost of approximately three

hundred dollars. We would appreciate it if your father would agree to pay for

the damage without having to engage lawyers. The honor roll to which he

apparently referred is not above the door, it hangs outside my office. I will

leave unanswered the question as to whether his name is upon it.

Thank you very much for your letter, which we found most amusing.

Be sure to tell your father hello from Mr. Muggins.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "