Re: Thoughts For The Day/Chronic Illness

[Guest guest]

Grief for oneself - Well it basically sucks. It's so hard to overcome. And

you're right it is for oneself and the life that you had. I think I have gotten

over that part of my disease but the thing you touched on, That is, the reality

of mortality. That's what is hard for me. I'm 48 and I feel like each day will

be the last and I don't know what to do about it. Every ache, every feeling,

every night going to bed I feel as if I will not wake up so I'll struggle to

stay awake every night until I actually fall asleep in the sitting position then

of course my apnea takes over and wakes me up so I'll drag myself up the stairs

to bed. I wake up and it starts all over anew. It might be that I am so lonely.

I haven't had a relationship in my entire 40s and I feel uglier and older every

day. I even asked my ex to had done so much to me to come back I got so

desperate which is like asking to be punched in the face again. I know it is

difficult for everyone but believe me it's hard on us men. We are supposed to be

the breadwinners, the strong ones, the guys who " can take it " . BUt I just can't.

I feel like going back to Hawaii and start swimming out until it's too far to

come back again.

>

> Hi,

> <<<

> Hello everyone. The other day grief was

> mentioned and i've seen it referenced a number of times with respect

> to the impact of chronic illness. How well i know the grip of

> sorrow/lament looking back over a life completely transformed by an

> element i believed could not override my will to do anything, be

> loved by anyone i wanted to love me, and feel forever mortal. I...>>>

>  

> It's much like grieving for someone dying - except the someone is your former

self. And the steps of grieving keep coming back, as each new facet of what you

can't do anymore come up. It's no wonder so many of us go into a shell.

>

> Jerry

>

[Guest guest]

- I'm not sure what the answers are but I do want you to know that I have

always found your answers, insight and ideas helpful. I appreciate all the

time that you have given each of us and how much you have shared. THANK YOU!

Anne

> >

> > Hi,

> > <<<

> > Hello everyone. The other day grief was

> > mentioned and i've seen it referenced a number of times with respect

> > to the impact of chronic illness. How well i know the grip of

> > sorrow/lament looking back over a life completely transformed by an

> > element i believed could not override my will to do anything, be

> > loved by anyone i wanted to love me, and feel forever mortal. I...>>>

> >  

> > It's much like grieving for someone dying - except the someone is your

former self. And the steps of grieving keep coming back, as each new facet of

what you can't do anymore come up. It's no wonder so many of us go into a shell.

> >

> > Jerry

> >

>