Some Hmmmmmmm's

[Guest guest]

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little

bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

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2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing

section in a swimming pool?

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3. OK.... so if the ville Jaguars are known as the " Jags " and the

Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the " Bucs, " what does that make the Tennessee

Titans?

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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one

enjoys it?

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5. There are three religious truths:

a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian

faith.

c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland

called Holes?

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7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

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8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

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9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to

begin with?

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10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who

drives a race car is not called a racist?

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11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

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12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that

electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,cowboys deranged, models

deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

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13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

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14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

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15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

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16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more

as they get older; then it dawned on me ....they're cramming for their final

exam.

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17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and

forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

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18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we

supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the

postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

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19. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are

the others here for?

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20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "