Re: IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENTS

[Guest guest]

THANKS I REALLY NEEDED A LAUGH.....

" Jan =^..^= " <camommacat2@...> wrote:IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENTS

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight " safety

lecture " and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want)

passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant

announced, " People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and

get in it! "

On a Continental Flight with a very " senior " flight attendant crew, the pilot

said, " Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitudeand will be turning

down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of

your flight attendants. "

On landing, the stewardess said, " Please be sure to take all of your belongings.

If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to

have. "

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this

airplane "

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight

attendant on a Northwest flight announced, " Please take care when opening the

overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, everything has

shifted. "

From a Southwest Airlines employee: " Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to

Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull

tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to

operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. "

" In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the

ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have

a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.

If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite. "

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try

to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you,

or your money, more than Southwest Airlines. "

Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency

water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments. "

" As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything

left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do

not leave children or spouses. "

And from the pilot during his welcome message: " Delta Airlines is pleased to

have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of

them are on this flight! "

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly

windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to

fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, " Ladies

and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat

belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate! "

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: " We ask you

to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal. "

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship

into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first

officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a

" Thanks for flying our airline. " He said that, in light of his bad landing, he

had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would

have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old

lady walking with a cane. She said, " Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question? "

" Why, no, Ma'am, " said the pilot. " What is it? " The little old lady said, " Did

we land, or were we shot down? "

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with,

" Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the

Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once

the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the

door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal. "

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: " We'd like to thank you folks

for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go

blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of

US Airways. "

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. " Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to

smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light

'em, you can smoke 'em. "

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable

cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, " Ladies

and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293,

nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore,

we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY

GOD! " Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the

intercom and said, " Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.

While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of

hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants! "

A passenger in Coach yelled, " That's nothing. You should see the back of mine! "

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

[Guest guest]

Thank You June.

I love sending them and if I have enjoyed them or used them (or plan to), then I

like to share and hope even just one person will like them as much as I do. One

way I beat the doldrums or deal with pain is to go through all the many things I

have in files, clean them up and send on. Takes my mind away from a lot of

other things and helps keep me with an upbeat attitude.

Hope your day is going well. I have moving boxes to storage to do today at

9:30. I get to be supervisor (delegator) as I am not capable of lifting

anymore. Used to all that at one time in my life before FMS....but this could

be definitely fun. lol

Wishing you a painfree day! or nearly so.

((((((Hugs)))))) back to you also.

Jan =^..^=

June Dixon <juner24@...> wrote:

Hi Jan, just wanted to tell you how much I look forward to your posts every day.

You never cease to make me laugh which I think is a good way to start the day. I

have used many of your recipes and copied many of your thought provoking posts.

Hugs

June