And God Created Dispatchers

[Guest guest]

And God Created Dispatchers

The angel walked in and found the Lord walking around in a small circle

and muttering to herself.

" What are you working on now Lord? " he asked.

" Well I finished creating a peace officer, now I'm working on a

dispatcher. "

Since the angel could see nothing in the room, he asked God to tell him

about it.

" It's somewhat like the police officer model, but it has 5 hands: one for

answering the phone, two for typing, one for answering the radio, and one for

grabbing a cup of coffee. The arms had to be placed fairly carefully since all

the dispatcher's tasks have to be done simultaneously.

The digestive system is a little complicated since it runs on coffee and

food that can be delivered, but seldom needs to get up for the rest room. I made

the skin out of tempered duralite covered with Teflon. A dispatcher's hide has

to be tough enough to withstand darts from cranky officers, jabs from citizens

and the lack of attention by the administrations, but not show any signs of wear

and tear.

A dispatcher only needs one pair of eyes; that left extra room for the

ears. There are five sets of ears, one set for the telephone, one for the main

radio, two for the other radios it has to monitor, and one to hear everything

else going on around it. They fit all right on the head since it had to be extra

large for the brain, anyway.

The brain has to be enormous so it can remember a full set of 10 codes,

phonetic alphabet, at least two hundred different voices, the entire contents of

three different SOP manuals, two Teletype manuals and an NCIC code book. Of

course I left enough extra space for it to learn the individual quirks of every

different Sgt, Lt, Shift commander, fire chief and other supervisors, and the

ability to keep them all straight. There also has to be room for it to

learn which situations need an officer and which don't, and also the

ability to determine in less than two minutes what to do with any given event.

There is a built-in condenser so it can take an hour long explanation, put it

into 30 seconds worth of radio transmission, but still get the whole story

across.

Those switches on the front are for the emotions. It has to be able to

talk to a mother whose child has just died - but not feel pain, a rape victim

with empathy, a suicidal person with calmness and reassurance, and abusive

drunks without getting angry. When one of the officers yells for help, it can't

panic, and when someone doesn't make it, the dispatcher's heart mustn't break.

That little soft spot just to the left of the emotions switch is for the

abandoned animals, frightened children, and little old ladies who are lonely and

just want to talk to someone for a few minutes. The dispatcher has to care very

much for the officers and firefighters it serves, without getting involved with

any of them, so I added another switch for that.

Plus of course, the dispatcher can't have any of its own issues to worry

about while it is on duty, so that last switch turns those off.

The patience switch is turned up to high all the time on the CTO model,

and I've added an extra fuse to those to handle the overload.

A dispatcher has to be able to function efficiently under less than good

physical conditions, and be flexible enough to withstand whatever whim the

administration comes up with, while still retaining its general shape and form.

That warm fuzzy shoulder is there for officers to use when they gripe, other

dispatchers when they hurt,and for those who are shell-shocked by a horrible

call and just need someone to be there.

The voice gave me a little trouble; it has to be clear and easy to

understand, calm and even when everyone else is screaming, but still able to

convey empathy and caring while remaining totally professional. It runs for a

full 12 hours on very little sleep, requires almost no days off and gets paid

less than an executive secretary.

" The dispatcher sounds wonderful! " said the angel. " Where is this amazing

creation? "

" Well, you see, " answered the supreme being with a sigh, and paused.

" Dispatchers are invisible unless they make a mistake. So it's practically

impossible to tell when they are run down, worn out or in need of repair. Now

that I've created them, I can't see the original model to make enough of them to

go around. "