RE: This is a joke...really OT

[Guest guest]

I beleive it was Mark Twain (too cynical to be Will ) once said

there were 3 kinds of untruths: lies, damn lies, and statistics.

That comment immediately came to my mind when I read the following

posted on another list. It is a good precautionary tale:

>

>Bread Kills!

>

>More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

>

>Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households

score

>below average on standardized tests.

>

>In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,

the

>average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality

rates

>were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases

such

>as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

>

>Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

>

>Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For

example,

>nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously

cumulative:

>99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.

>100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.

>96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.

>99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread

within

6

>months preceding the accident.

>93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served

>frequently.

>

>Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all

the

>people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a

100%

>mortality rate.

>

>Bread is made from a substance called " dough. " It has been proven

that

as

>little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat.

The

>average American eats more bread than that in one day!

>

>Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low

incidence

of

>cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

>

>Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread

and

>given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two

days.

>

>Bread is often a " gateway " food item, leading the user to " harder "

items

>such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

>

>Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more

than

>90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your

body

>being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into

a

>soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

>

>Newborn babies can choke on bread.

>

>Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!

That

>kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

>

>Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between

significant

>scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

>

>In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following

bread

>restrictions:

>No sale of bread to minors.

>

>A nationwide " Just Say No To Toast " campaign, complete with

celebrity

TV

>spots and bumper stickers.

>

>A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal

ills

we

>might associate with bread.

>

>No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal

to

>children) may be used to promote bread usage.

>

>The establishment of " Bread-free " zones around schools.

>

>Next week, the frightening statistics and unrelated facts behind

Breathing

>Air................

>

>