is it going to get any better?

March 23, 2004

Well, my computer hasn't been working right so yesterday I spent

hours trying to fix it.

I finally got scan disc to work last night and it was still working

when I started to bed. My niece and BIL were sitting in the

livingroom when I got up. I said to her " Please do not use the

computer until I have a chance to finish up with fixing it

tomorrow. " She said Okay.

I went to bed. I got up today and thought that she was sleeping as

my BIL was gone and she usually sleeps till just before they go to

work so didn't go in the room to check the computer.

At noon - Jay came home and shortly thereafter in walk my niece and

BIL. I said - if I had known you were both gone I would have

finished working on the computer...no one says anything. I sit and

talk with my hubby and then he leaves to go back to work.

My niece and BIL then leave to go to work. I watch my soap opera -

stuck on one - lol - then I get up to go and work on the computer to

defrag it to see if that will solve the problem.

Now I had shut down all programs so that scan disc wouldn't have any

problems...my tool bar for earthlink is up and messenger icon

is in the bar across the bottom - so I know that she has accessed the

computer.

I start all over with scan disc to try again to clean it up so that

defrag can work...

My BIL comes in and I tell him that Jay was going to talk to him but

that I have to get this off my chest before I go crazy. I first ask

him if he heard me tell her not to use the computer - he was sitting

right there but may have been asleep - he says no didn't hear me.

I tell him that I had told her not to and that I have moved the

computer out of her room as I can not have my computer broken as I

can't buy another one and that I think somehow from the sites that

she goes to that a virus is somewhere on it as it had been working

fine till she started using it and now it is really messed up.

I then tell him what she said to me on Saturday and that I can not do

the extra work that is needed for them all to stay here. That I

thought family meant helping each other. I told him that although I

don't work that the money from my retirement pays for the mortgages

on this house and that Jay's money pays for all our utilities and

satellite tv and computer internet service plus food. I told him

that I am unable to continue cleaning up after 4 people without some

help.

He told me that he thought she was helping out. I said what helping

with an imprint of her a** in the sofa seat... He says he will talk

to her and that if she can't help out that back to ee she will

go. I told him " Rodger it isn't only her " I told him that Jay helps

me out quite a bit and pulls his weight in the house and that Rodger

needs to too.

He really didn't have an answer to that and Jay walked in right at

that moment. Jay asks me - did you talk to him or do I still have

to. I told him - you need to talk to him but I did tell him about

. Jay is getting ready to go play pool for his pool league

and Rodger has gone with him.

Well, I tried and I feel better but am not sure if this will really

do any good. I don't know if he heard me that he needs to help out

too within the house not just out in the yard when he feels like it.

We shall see. It is a start anyway!

God bless,

Althea

March 24, 2004

--- In , " blueroses11 " <blueroses11@e...>

wrote:

I told him that Jay helps

> me out quite a bit and pulls his weight in the house and that

Rodger

> needs to too.

If I were you, I would quickly get some specifics on what you need as

far as chore-sharing, boundaries, etc. mapped out. You could write

out your minimum requirements on your own and then finish writing and

agreeing upon a " contract " of sorts at a family meeting where

everyone feels respected and heard. Be careful with the anger--you

have a right to it after what you've experienced, but it can make the

others shut down and write you off if your feelings come out as

sarcasm, judgement, sharp humor, etc. If you can somehow vent more of

it elsewhere, I think that would be helpful.

How long will they live with you?

Sierra

March 24, 2004

Althea:

Last year, I had a teenager (17/18) staying here with me (my girlfriend's son)

while he worked and went to school. During that period, I had so many porn

pop-ups and porn spam, it drove me crazy. I told him my computer was not to

used for those things and if they didn't stop he would not longer be able to use

the computer. He swore up and down it wasn't him and some of it stopped for

awhile. Then, somehow I happened to fall into a file that was labeled Ben's

Stuff and guess what it was loaded with? Horrible, horrible porn and some of

the dates as to when it added to the folder was within a day or two

before.....after deleting everything I could (some wouldn't let me) but for some

reason I could not eliminate the folder. It was then a friend ran me through

all kinds of things to do to clean up the computer....one of the things was to

restore the computer back to before all this started. The major thing was to

put a lock onto the computer. I am the only one who has the password

now to get on.....then it goes to a screen where only authorized users can log

on to their own account. There is only my daughter and myself on authorized

accounts and let me tell you the porn emails and spam shut down almost

immediately. There was also an action they ran me through that was beyond just

deleting cookies. I installed Norton Anti-Virus plus firewall, adware, and a

couple of other things that were free and now the computer is almost porn or

obnoxious material free. When he found the lock on the computer.....he never

said a word...I feel he knew his jig was up.

Hope this helps. Also keeping you in my prayers that your situation with BIL is

resolved.

Jan in CA (not for long) =^..^=

blueroses11 <blueroses11@...> wrote: